Sam Raimi directs Bill Paxton, Billy Bob Thornton and Bridget Fonda in this wintery thriller where two brothers find a bag full of money only for murder and mistrust to seep into their relationship.

Bill Paxton made a great unofficial trilogy of rural noirs. One False Move, this and Frailty. A Simple Plan is his best though. A sombre Fargo peer with unexpected punctuations of Raimi brand horror to spice up the snow and betrayals. What really marks this out is that the acting and writing is Oscar worthy. You wouldn’t find a thriller this emotionally complex and insidiously cynical getting a multiplex release these days. I remember seeing it at the derelict Hammersmith Virgin and was utterly enthralled. It was an instant purchase when released on VHS. When I upgraded to DVD this, for no particular reason, never got replaced. So it has been a good 18 years since my last watch. It has matured nicely. Maybe not quite as breathtaking as that initial maiden watch but still a genre film of unique humanity.

8

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Tony Maylam and Ian Sharp direct Rutger Hauer, Kim Cattrall and Alastair Duncan in this sci-fi thriller where a near future cop hunts a monstrous serial killer through a flooded London.

Awful script. Bargain basement production design. Slumming it stars. Senseless violence. Should be the greatest film ever? Right?! You get boobies, big guns, decent creature design and a 2000AD vision of a damp and rat infested England… and yet somehow even the ever reliable Rutger Hauer fails to make anything commendable out of this throwaway piece of shit. Avoid.

2

Michel Gondry directs Michael Brodie, Teresa Lynn and Laidychen Carrasco in this teen movie following the last bus journey home of a bunch of Brooklyn school kids before summer holidays start.

Nobody wants to be stuck on a inner city bus journey full of hyped up kids. Yet Gondry takes his ragtag gang of amateurs and crafts a pretty energetic lo-fi Dazed and Confused. The inner city vibes feels accurate, the youths believable in their awful behaviour. As the seats start to open up and we are left with last few stragglers before the end of the line a sweetness and self-awareness replaces the noise and nastiness. Surprisingly satisfying.

7

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Wolfgang Petersen directs George Clooney, Mark Wahlberg and John C Reilly in the true life disaster movie where a fishing trawler finds itself battling impossible waves.

An old fashioned ‘Dad’ blockbuster. Right up my alley as a youth, even more so now. The first half of this is really quite wonderful. We follow the economics, pressures and lives of a trawler of fishermen. There’s conflicts, adventure and a pretty thorough procedural of how they fish the distant seas. Clooney tries out some new crayons in his A-List colouring kit. He aims for a Bogart / Mitchum gruff and romantic manliness and hits a lovely feel. He gives a gently rousing speech just before we set out on the doomed expedition. The rest of the cast is soup to nuts quality. The movie’s problems set in once the weather front hits. A lot of the action is CGI boats and CGI waves. We don’t really know what the Andrea Gail went back through in 1991 but what the movie suggests (and how it portrays that) ain’t half as engaging as just watching a community go about one last dangerous trip out on the ocean to end the season in profit.

7

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Gore Verbinski directs Johnny Depp, Kiera Knightley and Geoffrey Rush in this blockbuster sequels where the pirates squabble over control of the seas.

Way too dark for kids. Not that this is a concern for me. An annoying action light two hours gives way to a chaotic sea battle with only two ships of the opposing fleets taking part. Depp feels a little played out. Lost in a mad void, we have the larky moment of seeing multiple Jacks crew a wreck. But then that joke is revisited way too many times, the well is plumbed dry and the FX cheating to achieve a flock of Sparrows becomes very obvious. It leaves other players to steal the show. Rush’s resurrected Barbossa becomes the unpredictable, gleeful one. Kiera Knightley graduates into a star… she certainly dominates your attention and wins your affection here in a way she hadn’t figured out how to a couple of movies back. The uniqueness of the franchise was it was vehicle for Depp that he took for a joyride anyway. Watching other actors hotwire his show is disappointing. Still… looks wonderful.

5

Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Danny Boyle directs Ewan McGregor, Ewen Bremner and Robert Carlyle in this Scottish classic where a group of working class friends while away their twenties with heroin, violence, drinking, theft, Seventies music and bad sex.

In 1996 we were, for just a moment, all smackheads from Leith. Me and a mate snuck into the wrong screen at the multiplex to see this underage and it was a defining experience. The soundtrack of Lou Reed and New Order paragons was the soundtrack of that summer. The Irvine Welsh book, much of it written in colloquial Scots, was a codex to struggle through and decipher – much like A Clockwork Orange, cracking the language and revealing the illicit thrills within made the book feel like a private treasure you had excavated. Yet John Hodges adaptation is so agile that it keeps the spine of the book’s non-linear short story structure while moving with a chewing purpose. Scenes smash into each other like dominos. You keep up with the rush and ride the downers. An immersive experience where every shot now feels like an iconic tableau. Boyle makes this fantasy period Edinburgh look bright yet destitute. You can feel the crust on the carpets, the sweat lashing oafay Sick Boy in every sequence. Some are terrifying but it never betrays the simple fact that people wouldn’t get addicted to heroin if it didn’t feel quite so good. Every generation needs their On the Road or Easy Rider. A rebellion against the life more ordinary at least in media form. Trainspotting (the novel and the film) was mine. Rather than hit the road it takes the tracks. But the philosophy of it sums up a lot of my feelings towards being working class, friends (we all know a Begbie), Britain and nationalism. It has stood the test of time shockingly well. A flawless slice of cinema.

10

Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

John Waters directs Edward Furlong, Lili Taylor and Christina Ricci in this semi-autobiographical comedy where a young outsider photographer from Baltimore is courted by the New York art world when his candid photos of sleazy living are scouted by a dealer.

Christina Ricci playing an angry Baltimore laundromat owner who hates anything that ain’t Baltimore or laundry related is very much my crush. Always has been, probably thanks to her in this film. Give me a furious pretty face any day of the week. This is a really sweet, funny, inclusive movie – the best and most accessible example of Waters’ belief that everyone is deep down in their heart of hearts a dirty, degenerate freak… so why can’t we all just get along? Furlong gives an against type performance as the gauche naive camera genius. I have a huge fondness for the film’s madcap scattershot mood. A rollercoaster of sitcom framed filth from pubic hair to teabagging, sugar addiction to puppet Mary, Mother of God. None of it shocks me, it is bad taste in a comforting, almost nostalgic, form.

8

Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Charlie Bean directs Tessa Thompson, Justin Theroux and Sam Elliott in this Disney live action remake of their animated classic where a posh dog and a scruff fall for each other.

Thank goodness Disney didn’t bother waiting for the talking dog technology to work before they cashed this one in! When your aren’t horrified by the CGI strangefest of watery dog faces moving unnaturally this is amusing but redundant. Nice cast, nice production design.

4

Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Rich Cowan directs James Spader, Matt Davis and Robin Tunney in this thriller where a property developer finds himself in the pocket of a mansion-bound Machiavelli when he hits a bank robber with his car.

Saturday night is Yuppie-In-Peril night at Casa Del Carroll. And Natalie certainly doesn’t need a specific day of the week to watch a James Spader flick. This is one of a series of DTV cheapies he made as his star power waned at the start of the new century. Cheap, unfocused and truncated. Spader plays various white boys off against each other so he can keep all the town’s mover and shakers, officials and oligarchs in his pocket. There’s a hint he’ll stick his dick in their wives, daughters or even them just as a perk. Maybe Spader brings that unspoken rule into the script. The problem is Matt Davis is absolute lumber and even a better performer couldn’t carve a sympathetic character out of his part as written. Bank robberies, million dollar scams and murders are mentioned in passing but this is 90% people mooching behind desks.

2

Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Dario Argento directs Michael Brandon, Mimsy Farmer and Jean-Pierre Marielle in this giallo where a rock musician is framed for murder.

Shot for shot this is acceptable slasher action… but the mystery is a little too random to be worth investing in or engaging with. The always welcome Bud Spencer turns up and appears to be running his own hobo detective consultation service. As you do!

6

Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/