Luke Greenfield directs Emile Hirsch, Elisha Cuthbert and Timothy Olyphant in this teen sex comedy where a prissy kid falls for his hot new neighbour only to discover she has previously embarked on a career in porn.

Risky Business updated for the pornstar era. At one point Tangerine Dream’s Love On a Real Train plays!! Then again… there are so many needle drops in this flick that it might be easier listing the songs not featured on the soundtrack. I’m not entirely sure director Greenfield needed to smother the movie quite so much in emotion stoking jukebox clips. The script is basically witty in a shotgun blast kinda way. Crude but good natured. And the support cast is pretty stacked. Olyphant is superb as the outwardly friendly but predatory suitcase pimp. The movie flags whenever his wild energy is sidelined. And you have James Remar and young Paul Dano floating about too. And yet… this was intended and sold as a vehicle for Kim from 24 to breakout from her hit TV series into movie stardom. And she very much gets lost in the mix during the second half. She never emerges as much more than a wet dream fantasy figure without much motivation or internal workings… and then feels extraneous to the busy plot while everyone else is shuffling about. If she wasn’t the biggest face on the poster, you’d forget it was ever her vehicle.

5

Perfect Double Bill: Miss March (2009)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

Peter Cattaneo directs Robert Carlyle, Mark Addy and Tom Wilkinson in this British comedy where six unemployed men in Sheffield decide to put on a stripshow for cash.

If you asked me in any other context what modern British cinema needs I’d tell you more populist movies about people who at least know what a Job Centre smells like. It is a tradition we have seemingly lost in the 21st century… yet there’s something about The Full Monty, a movie that over fulfilled on exactly that brief, that leaves me quite cold. The humour and the plotting feel rote and backwards. It just does nothing for me and I struggle to understand its continued popularity.

5

Perfect Double Bill: Purely Belter (2000)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Luchino Visconti directs Clara Calamai, Massimo Girotti and Juan de Landa in this Italian neo-realist crime thriller based on The Postman Always Rings Twice.

Remarkably frank about adulterous sex and surprisingly unguarded about one character’s homosexual desire (the clear suggestion is our feckless protagonist would be better off palling around with the fey gypsy). The best adaptation of the source material I’ve watched.

8

Perfect Double Bill: La Terra Trema (1948)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

John Glen directs Roger Moore, Maud Adams and Desmond Llewelyn in this OO7 spy adventure where Bond must track a stolen Faberge egg that might be about to fund the start of a thermonuclear coup.

I have a very distinct memory of watching the finale of this in the shittiest cinema in London as a child. Might have been a rerelease. But my first memory of Bond is our Rog, in full clown make-up, desperately trying to switch off a nuke. That continual cliffhanger third act is an adventure extravaganza. But there’s lot of joy here. Some of it dated; Berkoff’s hammy second string villain, grey Northolt pretending to be Cuba, the slow fuck theme song and nudie Binder credits. Some of it truly wonderful; Q getting to join in on the caper, Maud Adam’s triumphant returns as a Pussy Galore tribute act, the classy escape from the balcony Kristina Wayborn performs in her sari. The second unit deliver, with Moore and his stunt man being put in sustained peril, danger that’d make Ethan Hunt quiver. Sure, my favourite Bond actor might be starting to creak by this point but George MacDonald Fraser’s script plunges him mercilessly through the action wringer. Given Octopussy is a daft frippery there is no need for the set pieces to go this hard yet delightfully they really do.

8

Perfect Double Bill: A View To a Kill (1985)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Walter Hill directs Bill Paxton, Ice T and Ice Cube in this action thriller where two looters find themselves under siege from a gang when they try to rob stolen gold on the wrong muthafucker’s turf.

“I told you that motherfucker was scandalous! Now we get to break him off some.” Starts strong but doesn’t fully capitalise on the potent set-up. Paxton and Cube are fantastic value making this a videoshop rental diamond. If you aren’t sure how this is all gonna end after the first half hour then you ain’t watched enough movies. At its most fun when it colours outside the lines of it simple muscular brief: the camcorder footage, the weird breakout moment midway through where the main characters start giving mini soliloquies direct to camera. Raymond the gun dealin’ fixer deserves his own spin-off. What if Mike Ehrmantraut was a flair player?!

7

Perfect Double Bill: Judgment Night (1993)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/featur

Carl Theodor Dreyer directs Henrik Malberg, Emil Hass Christensen and Cay Kristiansen in this Danish religious drama where a farmer struggles with his faith when his youngest son wants marry outside their religion.

Surprised by how much this held me… I care very little for overtly religious flicks and also chamber pieces. Yet the mise en scéne is strong and loaded, the characters blunt but rich and the drama is engrossing. Not my cup of tea but a truly good example of this form.

7

Perfect Double Bill: Vampyr (1932)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Gary Trousdale and Kirk Wise direct Tom Hulce, Demi Moore and Kevin Kline in this Disney animated classic following the deformed bell ringer of the famous Paris landmark as he learns to leave the shadows of the bell tower.

This got me back on the Disney train after feeling like I had outgrown the franchise. Having said that this is about as far away from “family friendly” as Disney has ever attempted. And it is a wholly successful attempt. Witty humour, big glorious songs, beautiful apex hand drawn animation, historical Paris realised with thrust and accuracy, sexual desire, religious intolerance, tyranny, a genuine bastard of a villain, emotionally deep cruelty and full blooded action. Something genuinely for everyone. Out There, Hellfire, Someday… sexy Esmeralda pole dancing… just a wholemeal blockbuster experience and it made the cash to prove it. Why no more like this one, Mouse House?

10

Perfect Double Bill: Beauty and the Beast (1991)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

Frank Capra directs Gary Cooper, Barbara Stanwyck and Walter Brennan in this screwball comedy where a homeless baseball player finds himself pretending to be some grassroots political icon after a newspaper reporter makes “him” up.

A big future influence on The Coen’s marvellous The Hudsucker Proxy. The humour is dated and certain scenes drag on for an eternity… The scale and ferociousness of the final act save it. Too bitter to be called a screwball comedy anymore, the fall of “John Doe” certainly has teeth.

7

Perfect Double Bill: Mr Smith Goes To Washington (1939)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

William Lustig directs Robert Forster, Fred Williamson and Richard Bright in this exploitation thriller where a group of NYC mechanics keep their streets safe through extreme violence.

A mind blowing cast of “that guy“ faces get sleazy in New York. This is very scrappy. Forster and Williamson only share a few scenes and their plots go off on divergent tangents. The juicer one sees Forster suffering tragedy and then going to prison due to systemic corruption. A real citizen’s nightmare laid out with zeal. Though not exactly what the VHS cover promises. Williamson is on the gritty streets taking down the gangs, one middle aged member at a time. I doubt there were many filming permits, I doubt the cast hung around on set if they didn’t have a scene. The action is perfunctory… both chases feel achingly slow. Still, a nasty jolt of right wing violence that goes harder than it ever needs to.

6

Perfect Double Bill: Maniac Cop (1988)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

Ang Lee directs Tang Wei, Tony Leung and Joan Chen in this erotic spy thriller where a drama student joins a group of radicals and takes on the fake life of a glamorous businessman’s wife to infiltrate a handsome traitor’s home.

People playing parts they cannot escape. Beautiful tactile fashions. The slow crank building to big sexual release. The folly of youth and idealism. Most boys are useless, men are corrupt. A lightning bolt debut by Tang Wei. Tony Leung being cool as fuck, even as an utter bastard. Perfectly orchestrated set pieces like the slow, pointless escape through a busy street. The Orwellian inevitability of the final moments. Ang Lee’s last great one? I hope not.

9

Perfect Double Bill: The Age of Shadows (2016)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/