Darkness falls across the land
The midnight hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize y’alls neighborhood
And whosoever shall be found
Without the soul for getting down
Must stand and face the hounds of hell
And rot inside a corpse’s shell

The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grisly ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom
And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller… HA HA HA!

God Told Me To (1976)

Larry Cohen directs Tony Lo Bianco, Sandy Dennis and Sylvia Sidney in this paranormal policier where a cop goes down the conspiracy rabbit hole after he keeps arriving at mass murder crimes scenes where ordinary people are suddenly compelled to kill.

Like nothing else. Larry Cohen’s guerrilla no permit New York City street shooting style gifts this an immediacy. The use of vox pox make it seem almost documentary. And then it jumps the rails in the most delightfully fucked up ways. Feels like a progenitor for The X-Files but with plenty of Twin Peaks and Millennium echoing out from the uneven tone too. Pretty much every scene in the second half is a nasty surprise, often with a transgressive leap that makes God Told Me To feel like a true outlier of exploitation cinema. Ahead of its time.

7

Deep Red (1975)

Dario Argento directs David Hemmings, Daria Nicolodi and Gabriele Lavia in this Italian Giallo classic where a musician investigates a series of murders performed by a mysterious figure wearing black leather gloves.

The classic giallo. Certainly my favourite. The only eyewitness to a murder tries to solve it. He’s only a pianist and because even he doesn’t believe what he saw, we suspect him just as much as any of the freaks we are introduced to. The atmosphere is seedy and unhinged. The mystery solid. Goblin’s score is an absolute head banger. The killings are a little classier than the norm for the sub-genre but there are bonus shocks as life size dolls come at you from nowhere and clues have further heralds of doom secreted within them.

9

Poltergeist II: The Other Side (1986)

Brian Gibson directs JoBeth Williams, Craig T. Nelson and Will Sampson in this unlikely sequel to the haunted house blockbuster.

“They’re Back!” Nice to see Will Sampson in a lead role after Cuckoo’s Nest. Apart from that though… a completely unjustifiable cash-in. Takes a long time to get scary. Julian Beck’s corpse-like Death Cult preacher will give you shivers but his casting feels a little exploitative given that he was dying on camera essentially. The ending does take the whole family over briefly across into the spirit realm, looks pretty trippy, but we only glimpse the wonky H.R. Giger horrors. A much longer effects sequence has been clearly created and shoddily edited down to the barest of bones. Don’t wear braces.

5

The Lair Of the White Worm (1988)

Ken Russell directs Amanda Donohoe, Hugh Grant and Peter Capaldi in this camp comedy horror update of one of Bram Stoker’s lesser novels.

An ancient white worm’s undead high priestess hits the British country side looking for virgins to sacrifice. Doctor Who acting and Famous Five plotting. High camp with leaden humour more at home in a poor Carry On than a tale of terror. Having sad all that, Donohoe makes for a sexy vamp whatever stage of reptilian transformation she is in. She gives it her all and looks stunning in every stage of undress she is slinking around in. The video edited SFX nightmare sequences invade the screen in orgasmic gushes of hyper colour. What we see rush past is acutely phantasmagoric. A cult item a bit too shit to whole heartedly recommend but not without its wobbly charms.

5

Jeepers Creepers (2001)

Victor Salva directs Gina Philips, Justin Long and Jonathan Breck in this creature feature chase movie where two siblings on a road trip fall afoul of monstrous truck driver.

A VHS era monster movie throwback that goes pretty hard. I remembered this being surprisingly good at the cinema on release and it hasn’t soured with age. The Creeper is iconic and has solid lore.

7

Dead Of Night (1945)

Alberto Cavalcanti, Charles Crichton, Basil Dearden and Robert Hamer directs Mervyn Johns, Googie Withers, Sally Ann Howes and Michael Redgrave in the classic Ealing Studios horror anthology.

Four really gripping tales of terror plus a twee little golfing comedy that muffles the growing sense of dread. Final Destination style premonitions. Ghost children. A cursed mirror (the highlight). And then that infamous ventriloquist’s dummy Hugo. The final 10 minutes are an absolute freak out. Even the comedy section is gently funny… just that it probably should have been programmed as the first or second chapter… not the penultimate shocker.

7

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

William Wyler directs Audrey Hepburn, Gregory Peck and Eddie Albert in this romantic comedy where a journalist and a runaway princess spend a weekend together.

Ciao Bella! Just a big gorgeous slice of lovely. Peck is a plank. Romantic comedy is not his forte, unlike Hepburn who is born to it, but Dalton Trumbo’s screenplay gives them both grit, humanity and uncertainty.

10

Perfect Double Bill: Sabrina (1954)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Martin Scorsese directs Leonardo DiCaprio, Lily Gladstone and Robert De Niro in this true crime epic where Native Americans who have struck oil in the Osage Nation are methodically infiltrated and killed off by predatory whites for their land rights.

Arty Marty. Closer in pace to Kundun and Silence – this is a meditation and a judgment rather than an entertainment. Sure, you get a similar downfall of a surface-only crime family as in Goodfellas or Casino. There are bad choices, violence and the deadly thrall of graspable wealth. America again. But at a palpable three and a half hours there were plenty of walkout in our sold out opening weekend screening. Walkouts when KotFM span it wheels. Walkouts when it was hard to keep up with the bounding passage of time. And walkouts very close to the end when it became clear that Leo wasn’t going to save the day and this was the polar opposite of a white saviour narrative. And I don’t blame those Saturday night tenderfoots. As consummately made, and as fascinatingly acted, as Killers of the Flower Moon is I won’t rush to rewatch (hence the below score). The middle section does get stuck in the mud, and it would be improved if we got much more of a sense of Lily Gladstone’s suspicions and turmoil that she might be being gaslit. Instead we follow the whites, hoping our gut instincts, history and the fucking title of the film aren’t a foregone conclusion. As we walk past the strangers getting off the train, the Klan casually parading behind us, the suit wearing wolves circling closer and closer, we hope for anything but the reality.

7

Perfect Double Bill: Nah… this is more than enough for one sitting.

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

Georges Franju directs Édith Scob, Pierre Brasseur and Alida Valli in this French shocker where a surgeon kidnaps Parisian beauties to steal their faces for his disfigured daughter.

Dream-like. Nightmare-esque. Full of extreme weirdness that goes just as hard as contemporaries Psycho and Peeping Tom. The never-ending fatal car rides. The iconic mask. The cellar full of caged dogs. Gothic and modern. The ending is full of the innocence of a fairytale. Everything else is just shock or boredom. Waiting for a face that isn’t your own but you hope will take.

7

Perfect Double Bill: Judex (1963)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

David Lowery directs Dev Patel, Alicia Vikander and Joel Edgerton in this fantasy adventure where feckless Gawain sets out on a doomed quest.

Lowery’s vision here is pretty stunning. Alien gargantuans roam the valley mists. Deaths are foretold in flash-forward detail. Every supernatural encounter seemingly has an erotic import bubbling away at the surface gallantry. I bet it smells as musty as a carrier bag full of conkers at the bottom of a kid’s wardrobe in December. Yet for all its beauty and horror The Green Knight feels kinda separate from the viewer, more like an intellectual exercise. The adventure and drama disappointed me slightly… but I would be keen to give it a second chance. On the big screen?

6

Perfect Double Bill: Excalibur (1981)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

Ingmar Bergman directs Harriet Andersson, Kari Sylwan and Liv Ullmann in this Swedish chamber piece drama where two sisters and a loving maid prepare for a death.

Bold red. Sexual assignations. Jealousies and disconnections. I got more out of this than most Bergmans, plus the ladies are hotties. Interesting that this came out at the same time as The Exorcist as they share a lot of the same visual set-ups and claustrophobia.

7

Perfect Double Bill: The Silence (1963)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Chris Sanders and Dean DeBlois direct Daveigh Chase, Tia Carrere and Ving Rhames in this animated comedy about an orphaned Hawaiian girl who befriends a fugitive alien who has been genetically engineered to be the ultimate destructive force.

First time revisiting this since the cinema release and it held up really well. Goes hard at the emotions but the comedy and the sci-fi aspects are strong too. Stitch is a wonderfully chaotic little creation. Nice use of Elvis and watercolour backgrounds. Feels like a true outlier in the post Walt Disney Renaissance wilderness doldrums.

7

Perfect Double Bill: The Emperor’s New Groove (2000)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

Joe Dante directs Bradford Dillman, Heather Menzies and Kevin McCarthy in this blatant cheapie Jaws rip-off involving a mutated shoal of killer fish.

Listen… it isn’t very good by any reasonable sense of the term. Yet when Dante scribbles outside the lines of what Corman wants Pirahna chimes better than many slicker imitators. The off beat chemistry of the gawky leads. The self aware stunt casting of McCarthy, Paul Bartel, Barbara Steele and Dick Miller. All of whom sing. That weird little stop motion creature who appears in the lab for no reason. The stretched teases of the raft being unravelled and the water skier being ignored by his bimbo mates. It’s not right but it’s okay.

6

Perfect Double Bill: Pirahna II: The Spawning (1982)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Joel Ashton McCarthy directs Alfred Hitchcock, Patricia Hitchcock and James Stewart in this documentary biography of The Master Of Suspense.

Nothing new here but a decent assemblage of his life, career and hang-ups. Why no Lifeboat or Strangers On a Train though?

6

Perfect Double Bill: Vertigo (1958)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

Vaughn Stein directs Margot Robbie, Simon Pegg and Mike Myers in this crime mystery where a waitress / stripper entangles herself into the lives of two hitmen and a suicidal teacher for obscure reasons.

Vaugh Stein must maintain some murky hold over Robbie and Myers to get them to sign up for… this. There is a lot of star wattage and expensive production design crammed into a big nothing of an indie crime flick. The storytelling is very amateur – you’ll struggle to really understand what the plot wants to be in the first two acts. It really feels like a series of wannabe flashy scenes connected by claustrophobic geography. The two big twists are guessable, the acting arch and flat. Dexter Fletcher is the movie’s saving grace, his nasty piece of work understands the assignment. If you do select Terminal -brain switched off, hoping for Robbie in a series of kinky uniforms – then prepare to wonder why it all feels so sexless. I will say Christopher Ross’s cinematography plays with neon and flood lighting memorably. A rabbit hole nobody will want to fall down.

3

Perfect Double Bill: Kill Me Three Times (2014)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/