Joseph Kosinski directs Tom Cruise, Miles Teller and Jennifer Connelly in this legacy sequel to the 1986 fighter pilot dogfight school mega-hit.

I casually enjoy the original but I came for Cruise and boy, oh, boy… man, oh, man… does he deliver. The cocky grin, the physical brinkmanship, the cool, the serious whiteness of those teeth and the serious whiteness of those Ts. This is very much an evolution and a celebration of the Tony Scott Top Gun aesthetic but it has room to deliver every factor of a Tom Cruise fronted product of any era. The mission is impossible, and if TG86 didn’t exist it wouldn’t take too much tinkering to swap Pete ‘Maverick’ Mitchell out and slot Ethan Hunt into the main role. Team assembled, crazy prep, stunts done for reals, minimal CGI, maximum excess, frantic skin-of-the-teeth execution. Maverick is on the ropes, clinging to his career by his fingertips, going through a mid-life crisis and existential ennui he never considered possible à la Jerry Maguire. And we are revisiting old stomping ground, proving the mature master still has it even when surrounded by callow youth… just like the ultimate legacy sequel, Scorsese’s The Color of Money… only here it is Cruise having to show the cocky apprentices there ain’t nothing like the original for getting the job done in the third act. And while Tom will never be in Star Wars, here he gets to be Obi-Wan and Han Solo simultaneously – so you know the uranium weaponising Death Star is truly fucked.

It could almost be a parody if it weren’t so serious. It is a celebration of our last true movie star. And the action it delivers is luxury spec. I walked out of cinema armpits swampy with stress sweat. A movie hasn’t put me through the tension wringer like this since The Rock. And the fact it constantly convinces, constantly goes for the epic, constantly moves like its life depended on it. This is premium blockbuster entertainment with just enough drama, wish fulfilment, romance and reverence to its lead to truly make your summer buzz. Only the humour is underwhelming and that’s only at times. There’s an unavoidable long run where there’s no room for laughs… and it is admirable that the movie puts away the gags and banter once the stakes are life or death and the emotional beats are dramatic. There are so many individual chapters one can pull apart – the Alan Resnais style flashback to Goose’s death in the original movie, the tremendous mini-movie opener and the obligatory beach topless sport session.

Supporting cast-wise it is all admirably gold standard. Jennifer Connelly looks resplendent. I’ve read some criticism that hers and other roles are underwritten. But in a movie like this, it is what the performer brings to their moments that count, the name rather than the script does the heavy lifting. Hollywood used to rely all the time on their screen sirens and supporting faces to supply the shading. A narrative as laser targeted as this moves in a nippy shorthand or it dies. The one sequence where things are allowed a much needed baggy-ness is Val Kilmer’s return as Iceman. Never been the actor’s biggest fan but it is played so respectfully that it almost brought a tear to even my hardened eyes. Glen Powell’s cocky Hangman should be a star making turn for the silly hunk, but I’ve been saying that since he smashed his role in Scream Queens. Monica Barbaro and Lewis Pullman also make a positive impression. Miles Teller is probably the best actor on the new recruit roster, and has the juiciest role. He matches Anthony Edwards in looks but he just kind of feels a setting or two off. He should be more intense, more sure of himself. He isn’t bad, he just doesn’t chime with Cruise like everyone else does. And after all, whose tent pole release is this?

9

Perfect Double Bill: Top Gun (1986)

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Seth Gordon directs Steve Wiebe, Billy Mitchell and Walter Day in this documentary following the rivalry and conspiracies to claim the record of the highest score on a Donkey Kong arcade cabinet by a group of middle-aged nerds.

Hilarious and a gift that keeps on giving. Every time a new character is introduced, they are somehow even sillier and more obsessed than the last. You genuinely get emotionally involved in nice guy underdog Steve Wiebe’s quest to ratify and beat his high score. You’ll be boo-ing and hissing at the screen each time blowhard Billy Mitchell and his minions try some underhand tactic to discredit the new guy. It is a shock this was never adapted into a Will Ferrell movie but in all honesty it is consistently laugh-out-loud funny just as it is. A treasure trove of candid, unguarded, daft moments.

8

Perfect Double Bill: Pixels (2015)

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Steven Antin directs Christina Aguilera, Cher and Kristen Bell in this showbiz musical where a singer with a dream works her way up from waitress to lead at a L.A. neo-cabaret bar.

I must be getting soft in my old age but I really enjoyed this. It files off all the angst from All About Eve, Moulin Rouge and even Coyote Ugly to present a gaudy, sexy package. For a film with zero nudity, it is undeniably horny as fuck. Cleavage and six packs glimmers and escape their soft fabrics frequently. The songs wallop along with a slick energy. Aquilera ain’t a half bad lead… Beautiful, talented… she always steals focus and has a nice mix of naivety and raunch. This is the rare pop star vehicle that makes you wonder why its stunt lead didn’t move into acting? She’s no Jodie Foster but she’s miles better than Cher. The top billed relic is the trouble in paradise here, but at least her laughable acting suits the slightly parodic tones of the rest of the supporting cast. The whole plot is a shopping list of cliché but the mood is just right to get away with hashing them out one last time. And you have to remember this would have been a generation of ten year old girls first shot at seeing the A Star Is Born / “Hey! Let’s Put The Show On Right Here…” cogs whirr and grind.

7

Perfect Double Bill: Crossroads (2002)

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

S. S. Wilson directs Fred Ward, Chris Gartin and Michael Gross in this monster movie sequel where Earl Bassett returns to protect a Mexican oilfield from an onslaught of evolving “motherhumpers.”

Fred Ward lazes through a paycheck, Chris Gartin is no replacement for Kevin Bacon. Not a patch on the original but mindlessly enjoyable if you can bother to concentrate. That can be an effort to achieve after a while though – even with the introduction of a new species of Graboid.

4

Perfect Double Bill: Tremors (1990)

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Jean Vigo directs Gérard de Bédarieux, Louis Lefebvre and Gilbert Pruchon in this classic French school rebellion pic.

A bit too ramshackle and repetitive to fully justify its classic status but some of the moments are memorable.

6

Perfect Double Bill: if… (1968)

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Ti West directs Jocelin Donahue, Tom Noonan and Greta Gerwig in this 1980s set horror movie where a down-on-her-luck student gets a paid gig staying the evening in a creepy house.

A loving tribute, patient as fuck, ratchets up the tension while having fun, well cast and the ending has the goods. Chef’s kiss.

8

Perfect Double Bill: Summer Of 84 (2018)

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Jean-Pierre Melville directs Howard Vernon, Jean-Marie Robain and Nicole Stéphane in this WWII drama where a German officer is billeted to a French country house who resist him by completely ignoring him.

A very simple drama that mainly takes place in one room. A film about the myth of national character and the needs for art and interaction over rigid control. Based on a novel written and published during occupation as an act of resistance. Resistance doesn’t take the form of bombs and assassinations as it does in other Melville thrillers. Here it is a family ignoring the presence of their unwanted invader. He comes down each evening, well mannered and trying to be unobtrusive, he talks in monologues that are intelligent, cultured, confessional but never risk asking a direct question that will be rebuffed. He makes small overtures to try and integrate himself into the home where he is unwelcome. And while we know from the elderly father’s narration he becomes an unexpectedly enjoyed presence, one they are sorely tempted to respond to, it also becomes subtlety clear that there is a burgeoning attraction between the stoic daughter and the complex, polite man of honour. All this remains unspoken but it is palpably there by the end. The final act is heartbreaking as a crushing choice is made by one character, whose eyes are opened to the realities of Nazi occupation. This is a small film, but artful, beautiful – fully transcending its stagey structure. Howard Vernon gives a superb performance as “the good German” charmingly pushing back against the silence, against the assigned hostilities. Yet it is the dowdy yet stunningly pretty Nicole Stéphane, lit by firelight, knitting without ever opening her mouth to speak, who sticks in the memory. Small flinches on her face, a head turned nearly always away from camera, we fill our own thoughts and desires into her vacant yet alluring profile.

8

Perfect Double Bill: Léon Morin, Priest (1961)

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Domee Shi directs Rosalie Chiang, Sandra Oh and Ava Morse in this Pixar animated comedy where a teenager turns into a giant red panda whenever she has a strong emotion.

Fluffy, cute. I preferred when Pixar used to make adventure sitcoms involving insects or race cars but I guess you can’t fault the intentions here. Or the execution. Very middle class. Why is it set in 2004 though?

6

Perfect Double Bill: Inside Out (2015)

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Rob Zombie directs Sheri Moon Zombie, Bill Mosely and Richard Brake in this horror threequel where those murderous Fireflys escape death row and go south of the border… down Mexico way.

Sid Haig is irreplaceable so let’s just call Richard Brake a welcome late addition to the clan. As with all previous parts in this cult trilogy, 3 From Hell is tonally all over the shop and certain sequences are grindingly indulgent. But I get the feeling one man’s clown murder is another lady’s midget romance subplot. Let call this a Mexican brothel bar and say there’s something malformed yet attractive for everyone. My personal favourite sequences is the trippy multi-colour dance freak out sequence. You ain’t seeing that hot unforgettable stuff in even the top drawer Blumhouse release, now are ya? Cruel and silly, hyper and nasty this is the work of a now well established auteur. Rob Zombie’s made enough of these that it is up to us the audience to put up or shut up. You either bend to his long established will or these releases never ever will be to your taste. Sheri Moon is such a unique screen presence that she is now an endeared figure in our household. More filmmakers should be using her, that spry, girlish sicko powerhouse shouldn’t just be seen in her lovin’ husband’s projects. Cast her as a Marvel villain. Get some demented flavour in that taco. “Look, suit; I gotta do what I gotta do. It’s my rules or the Grim Reaper comes a-rollin’ thru in a big black Cadillac; “Hey, bitch; hop in!” You dig?”

7

Perfect Double Bill: 31 (2016)

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Nicholas Kazan directs James Spader, Mädchen Amick and Larry Miller in this erotic thriller where a smitten architect keeps ignoring the warning signs that his beautiful new girl might be up to something nasty.

Under-cranked erotic thriller punctuated with wobbly fun fair dream sequences. Amick gets some strong looks, both dressed and undressed. Spader only comes alive in the bonkers conclusion.

5

Perfect Double Bill: Bad Influence (1990)

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/