Kevin Smith directs Brian O’Halloran, Jeff Anderson and Jason Mewes in this classic indie comedy about two store workers shooting the shit, slacking and dealing with unruly customers over a single work day.

I tried to make a no budget movie once. I would have been 17. I wrote a proper 90 page script, formatted and typed up. I “borrowed” some VHS cameras, tripods and lights from our college media department and filmed for one busy weekend at my parents house and the local park. It was about the devil making deals with people for their souls. It starred the other teenagers on my film studies course. I had sent a begging letter to EMI and they had given me the rights to include Radiohead’s High & Dry for free over the credits as long as it wasn’t distributed commercially. The twenty minutes or so of usable footage was poorly framed and amateurish. With the exception of one girl, the acting was dogshit. I cobbled it together into a short film. A short film festival in Coventry rejected it. And rightly so. That was that.

It was fun while it lasted. The mid-90s double whammy of Clerks and El Mariachi were definitely my greenlight for me to try and be a moviemaker with zero budget, training or resources. Robert Rodriquez gave his body to pharmaceutical testing to raise his minuscule budget to shoot his action packed neo-Western. Kevin Smith sold his comic collection, maxed out credit cards and used the actual convenience store he worked at to film his low key, dialogue based comedy. And the end products weren’t just inspirational stories for suckers like me and Hollywood careers for them but really fantastic debut movies. Both have stood the test of time.

You might want to lump people like Spike Lee or Tarantino or The Coen Brothers in with Rodriquez and Smith but their debuts had producers and crew with formal experience and connections plus professional actors. Clerks was made with whoever was available for shooting that day who could remember their lines… or read them in a way that wasn’t too obvious.

It is an excellent showcase for Smith’s true forte. Back and forth repartee. Smith’s writing is rude, caustic, verbose, rhythmic and fucking funny. He understands callbacks and escalation. There are at least a dozen memorable exchanges. Almost a hundred quotable lines. Sure, the acting is variable but the better performers get the most screentime and the drama churned up by a truly crazy but somehow still believable close-open doesn’t demand much more than subtle pantomime responses.

Smith is smart enough to break the action away from the main register often in the second half. And these more vibrant detours (a hockey game on a roof, a drive to a funeral and Randall’s pilgrimage to the extensive adult section of Big Choice Video) have an animated pump to them. The soundtrack rocks with distinctive basement grunge and garage punk. Whereas the static shop scenes allow the hip banter and rude shocks to be the stars, his “action” setpieces display either quick cutting montage or a unique pendulum camera move to take in both principals.

We even get two drug dealers outside whose day is a black mirror of protagonists Dante and Randall’s. Jay and Silent Bob have become the mainstays of Smith’s View Askew universe, very few of his films don’t feature the wayward pair in some capacity. He and Jason Mewes are cult icons among movie fans of a certain age, although less is probably more – cameos… great… entire movies based around them… desperate. Here they are the trenchcoated Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to the flannel shirted Vladimir and Estragon earning a paycheck indoors. They seem to love their illegal self-employed work, enjoy hanging with their customers, don’t hold grudges and to have life figured out. Maybe this is the key philosophy of Smith’s film… revisited over many encounters… enjoy what you do as what you do is your life. Dante and Randall see their jobs as inconvenient time-outs in the game of their existences. But what if there is only one ball in their games.

Not trying to be too deep about what is a foul mouthed sitcom, calling card cheapie featuring accidental necrophilia and toddlers smoking but Clerks is the best depiction of life in the service industry. An area Hollywood and arthouse auteurs show little interest in exploring despite pretty much everyone having clocked in and wore a name badge at some point in their careers. And his films in this mode (Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Clerks II) all feel like they speak for a class of people who are well educated, well read and relationship orientated but don’t massively care about promotions or 9-5 security. People whose lives are not mapped out by goals and ambition so they are satisfied enough just ambling through jobs. In many ways Clerks is the best encapsulation of the Slacker or Generation X demographic. We care more about Spielberg and Star Wars than global politics or owning property. More about porn and hooking up than settling down or having kids. Maybe one day we’ll grow out of it but that day (26 years later…)probably is already too late. Life has enough drama and incidents without putting effort in to finding more. Best to noodle around with half completed creative endeavours in between work shifts and earn enough to go for “dinner & a movie” each week. And in all honesty, it ain’t a bad way to go about life as long as you don’t whine too much.

10

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

James M. Muro directs Mike Lackey, Bill Chepil and Vic Noto in this bad taste romp where the bums of New York are melting into toxic ooze whenever they take a sip from a dangerous consignment of cheap liquor.

Want to see homeless grouches melting into streams of rubbery green, purple and yellows? Probably not… but Street Trash delivers. Then at the midway point it gets bored of its main plot and introduces gangsters, Vietnam flashbacks and deathly tramp gangbangs just for the hell of it. It is hyper offensive… women are prey for sexual predators, casual racism abounds, bodily fluids weep with disease. I’ve never witnessed quite such a self consciously dirty, cartoonishly offensive production. One twist in the plot sees a particularly nasty hobo cleaned up and dressed as your grandad as a punishment. That’s the level of fucked up wit we are dealing with here. Street Trash should be unwatchable but it has real punk energy and unusual visual strength. The director went on to be James Cameron’s go-to steadicam operator. Beyond the absurd extreme deaths Muro imbues the real world locations with a dark magic. For most of the performers this is their only IMDB credit. Mike Lackey plays lead down and out Fred like a velvet hatted Bugs Bunny. His opening chase sequence sees him pinch bottoms and execute side hustles as a mob grows after him. As anti heroes go, he’s a hoot. Frankenhooker’s mad lovelorn scientist James Lorinz turns up in the final act as a doorman with a helluva mouth on him. A character so funny they keep returning to him long after he’s been narratively useful. Street Trash is a throwaway videoshop gem. If you can stomach Larry Cohen and you’ve exhausted Frank Henenlotter then give this farting, squelching, screaming zero budget epic a try!

8

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Lenny Abrahamson directs Michael Fassbender, Domhnall Gleeson, and Maggie Gyllenhaal in this “band of outsiders fall apart” rock comedy that co-opts the Frank Sidebottom iconography.

I read a lot of praise for Fassbender’s performance, allegedly he’s superlative in and out of the fake head. You’re all playing a practical joke on me. ANYONE COULD PLAY THIS ROLE!? Maybe not Jimmy Krankie… but still!? Some of the music is good but otherwise this is 140 minutes of meandering hipster posturing. Scriptwriter Jon Ronson was a keyboard player for Chris Sievey (real life 80s local hero who wore a papier-mâché head, sang kitchen sink ditties on his ukulele and appeared on Fantasy Football). But this ain’t the Frank Sidebottom your mother knows. It is Ronson’s backing member fantasies of fame and recognition sifted through an unrecognisable band… closer to Daniel Johnson or Pink Floyd than the silly human cartoon cultural footnote from my childhood. It doesn’t claim to be a biography of Sievey but doesn’t offer anything more exciting instead. So what’s the point of it? Apart from maybe to elevate an already successful author’s what-ifs into becoming the cinematic legend of record. After all most people are only going to know Frank Sidebottom from this and assume he was a tortured difficult genius, unrecognised and self-destructive. And his temporary keyboard player was the Svengali behind their almost success.

3

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Patricia Birch directs Michelle Pfeiffer, Maxwell Caulfield and Lorna Luft in this period high school musical comedy sequel featuring a new crew of T-Birds and Pink Ladies.

The first Grease was lightning in a bottle. You’d have been mad to think a film where 30-somethings play horny teens in nostalgic drag would ever be the blockbuster of its summer. It was foolhardy of Paramount to try and capture that lightning again with none of the name stars or personnel returning! There’s a reason we don’t still play the Grease 2 Megamix at parties. Two good songs (Reproduction and Cool Rider) and a load of dross. There’s a camp charm in seeing a pre-fame Pfeiffer prattle about with gusto but she isn’t much better than the scrum of nobodys and no personalities that populate this overlong drag. Correction: Over populate! Singing and dancing is seemingly none of the principals forte here so Birch crowds shots with swarms of extras and keeps the cutting tight. It is busy but insubstantial. Seeing as no-one seems comfortable with core demands of a musical you can only imagine the debauched compromises that happened during the casting stage! Should have been covered in The Worst Movies We Own Podcast!

3

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Joe Lynch directs Steven Yeun, Samara Weaving and Steven Brand in this horror comedy where a corporate office is locked down when the building is infected with a violence inducing virus.

The Belko Experiment does exactly this far better. So why waste your time on an inferior? Samara Weaving steals focus with an energetic turn and when given room to breathe Steven Yuen’s lead has shades of a young Christian Slater (but not a young Jack Nicholson… STRANGE!?). Otherwise this proves very one note, single joke. Distraction is the name of the game. With a pumping soundtrack, relentless voiceover and sledgehammer editing all poured on to cover up the fact Mayhem doesn’t have much more than a weaker take on an already perfected elsewhere spin to offer.

5

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Ena Sendijarević directs Sara Luna Zorić, Lazar Dragojevic and Ernad Prnjavorac in this Bosnian road trip where a Dutch teen visits her home country with depressing results.

Jim Jarmusch’s Stranger Than Paradise updated with pastel colours, futurist architecture, non-exploitative sex and bursts of violence. It retains much of its Eighties indie inspiration’s soft-sell mordant humour and despite a relaxed pace is always watchable. Debut filmmaker Sendijarević is a voice worth keeping an eye on but I really just want to view Stranger Than Paradise again soon!

6

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Herschell Gordon Lewis directs Mal Arnold, William Kerwin and Connie Mason in this horror where an Egyptian caterer murders girls for their delectable flesh.

The first ever gore film owes more to the nudie exploitation market than it does to Hitch’s Psycho. Awfully acted, paced, plotted – yet overreaching for deep emotion and sophistication at times. There’s something Lynchian about the cardboard characters overwrought wailing response to death. There’s something in the bright colours (not just copious thick red paint but all the clothing and sets) that evoke Roy Lichtenstein. Accidental Pop Art, interminable horror.

4

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Haifaa Al-Mansour directs Waad Mohammed, Reem Abdullah and Abdullrahman Al Gohani in this Saudi Arabian set childhood tale where a rebellious kid wants a bicycle.

A lovely little film about a subject that should be grim, alien and unfathomable to Western eyes. Women in this regime are so policied and restricted that they cannot own bicycles for pleasure or cars to get to work, innocent touch is misinterpreted as forbidden lesbian romance and political elections aren’t even allowed to be glimpsed at from rooftops. A ten year old showing her wedding photos is played for non-judgmental laughs. Yet the film remains surprisingly light, buoyed by a mischievous turn by our titular heroine. She remains defiant and determined to get what she wants, a bicycle so she can race and play with her neighbourhood boy mate on equal terms. Watching her beautiful mother’s subplots about work and marriage expose the limited future Wadjda has in stall for herself, why not let her have a bit of fun and freedom while she still can?

7

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Andrew Bujalski directs Regina Hall, Shayna McHayle and Haley Lu Richardson in this workplace comedy where put upon GM of a Hooters-style bar struggles with a full day of drama.

Convincing in its first half where Regina Hall rushes around calmly trying to keep the business operational and the girls safe for little recognition or reward. As a bar manager myself, I can attest such plate-spinning days, where nothing seems to go right and rest breaks just don’t happen, are commonplace. The film rejigs itself in the second half to be something less definable and farther reaching than a work place farce. It doesn’t convince in this mode. Also Shayna McHayle’s performance is particularly grating and remote. She’s stuntcasting from the hipster rap world but the gamble that she is multi talented doesn’t pay off. With such a prominent part as Regina Hall’s smoke break confidant she leave our excellent lead with nobody sympathetic to effectively bounce off of for an entire film.

6

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Carlos López Estrada directs Daveed Diggs, Rafael Casal and Janina Gavankar in this drama where three days before his probation ends a young black Oakland moving man’s wayward white work partner and childhood friend buys a gun.

To call this timely undermines the real life situation and politics that fuels this cracking little film. It has much the same heart, energy, invention and verve as the prescient Do The Right Thing yet feels very much like its own thing. Daveed Diggs puts in an off kilter but captivating lead turn. It is swing by swing funny and angry and insightful and salty and intense as the very best movies are. I’d say the final sequence of suspense possibly is a little too didactic – even for a movie that trades in some disturbingly on-the-nose dream imagery. But you’ll struggle to find another current work that gets so much right yet doesn’t feel filtered or warped by branding or movements. This might be your new favourite.

9

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/