Bobby Carroll's Movie Diary

Christopher Cain directs Pat Morita, Hilary Swank and Michael Ironside in this soft reboot of the Eighties teen martial arts series where Mr. Miyagi is back and he takes a new pupil under his wing: a troubled adolescent girl.

Didn’t bother with this as a teen… Was it direct to video in the UK? How was I supposed to know Hilary Swank would grow up into an Oscar darling? Adequate… good villain from Ironside. He runs a fascist teen death squad to keep his high school / college in order. Little Walton Goggins is one of his mid ground hench kids. The one that occasionally has flickers of humanity on his face. There is a Free Willy subplot involving an injured eagle. Swank wears some LA Gears. Clutch the straws, relax the brain.

5

Perfect Double Bill: The Karate Kid Part III (1989)

Dan Curtis directs Karen Black, Robert Burton and George Gaynes in this made-for-TV horror anthology where Karen Black plays all the leads.

Part of the fun of watching this in the 21st century is discovering the moment in each story which you know they just wouldn’t include now. The final part involving the psychotic little fetish is relentlessly intense but also grating. Watch with the volume down.

6

Perfect Double Bill: Asylum (1972)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/ and my own Substack https://substack.com/@edinburghlaughterbulletin

Randal Kleiser directs Rick Moranis, Marcia Strassman, and Robert Oliveri in the sequel to the size changing laser family comedy.

There barely is 90 minutes of movie here but the set-up and toddler stomping through Las Vegas make for good trailer moments. Moranis is a delight as always. The two alternating twin kids who play the gargantuan look a bit like Herc from The Wire. Fans of Texas Switches will have a field day.

5

Perfect Double Bill: Honey, I Shrunk The Kid (1989)

Paul W.S. Anderson directs Milla Jovovich, Dave Bautista and Arly Jover in this dystopian sci-fi quest movie.

Two B-Movie actors playing to their fanbases. There absolutely is an audience for this murky CGI / 90s metal album cover / Fury Road on a shoestring slop. I’m certainly never going to queue for it but I don’t say ‘nope’ when it pops up on streaming. Jovovich and Bautista have enough star power to hold your focus, a few of unreal engine set pieces and trailer shots have an intensity if you don’t think about them too hard. The kinda flick made to get lost in the shuffle but even a four of spades has its purpose in the deck entire.

5

Perfect Double Bill: Hellboy (2019)

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Terry George directs Don Cheadle, Sophie Okonedo and Nick Nolte in this true story of Paul Rusesabagina, a hotel manager, who housed over a thousand Tutsi refugees during their struggle against the Hutu militia in Rwanda.

Sturdy take on a great story. Obviously boiling down a completely different genocide to the same narrative template as Schindler’s List leaves this open to wild accusations of varnishing ugly truths. There has been kickback against modern history as presented here. Did the real Rusesabagina’s profiteer… or even disrupt UN peacekeeping efforts? If the Hollywood HeroTM version reflects anything it is that to walk such a dangerous tightrope one must anger, betray and exploit a lot of enemies and allies to survive. I’m happy to sit with the harsh reality that Rusesabagina played his game on hard mode and quite a few people have their lives because of his manipulations. In its best moments this is as thrilling as Captain Phillips.

8

Perfect Double Bill: The Promise (2017)

Brian Grant directs Eric Roberts, Kari Wuhrer and Ron Perlman in this erotic thriller where a student applies her psychic powers to figure out whether the professor she has a mad crush on killed the woman who lived below him.

The saxophone player just hangs out in the hallway. Is this meta? Every erotic thriller cliche blended and strained through fantasy. Dream sequences, horny deliriums, actual sex. Every man is a predator, every third scene involves explicit nudity. Kari Wuhrer is aesthetically spot-on casting – innocent look, smoking bod and zero qualms about stripping off if the plot demands it. Roberts eats well. His prime suspect is a curious soft spoken enigma but in the psychic flashes he will appears saturated in bright blue light… starkers… with witch doctor eye make-up… making salacious movements right to camera. Right at you! He occupies a strange maximalist acting space between Brando and Cage. I have a lot of time for him. The mystery offers plenty of red herrings and moments of peril. Not quite the gold standard of the sub genre but as satisfying as a dirty burger and loaded fries. With cheese.

6

Perfect Double Bill: The Ex (1996)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/ and my own Substack https://substack.com/@edinburghlaughterbulletin

Edward Berger directs Colin Farrell, Tilda Swinton and Chik-Ka Lai in this drama about a broke gambler playing his last few moves to get to a high stakes table in Macau… or bottom…

Beautiful but hollow. Art installation as trailer. I think that might sum up all of Berger’s flicks. There is nothing here for your mind to cling onto.

5

Perfect Double Bill: The Gambler (2014)

Daniel Roher directs Leo Woodall, Havana Rose Liu and Dustin Hoffman in this romantic thriller where a talented piano tuner who suffers from hyperacusis discovers an unexpected aptitude for cracking safes, turning his life upside down.

An expertly entertaining movie – made for adults, shot on location and with beautiful leads. These used to be a dime a dozen when I was a teenager. Now it feels like the rarest of rare bird. Gets the harmony of the stakes, the heart and the drama pitch perfect.

8

Perfect Double Bill: The Beat That My Heart Skipped (2005)

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Curry Barker directs Michael Johnston, Inde Navarrette and Megan Lawless in this demonic horror where a shy guy wishes his crush loved him back and that wish comes way too true.

Hand me that One Wish Willow. I wish that not every up and coming horror director felt that Hereditary’s lighting scheme was the Tabula Rasa. SNAP! Two strong, career making female performances. One deliciously nasty sustained blast of gore. Takes too long to get truly horrible, the sold out audience we saw this with were silent during the shocks. Most straight men in their twenties have been in this terrifying relationship. But I’m not entirely sure that is what the Gen Z director is intentionally satirising. Gleefully paranoid in its best moments.

7

Perfect Double Bill: Backrooms (2026)

Jon Favreau directs Pedro Pascal, Jeremy Allen White and Sigourney Weaver in the continued sci-fi adventures of TV’s cutest duo.

Hey kids… wanna see the guy from The Bear play a sensitive yet maxx’d Jabba The Hutt? Where are you going kids? Come back…He has won Emmys and three consecutive Golden Globes?! Kids? KIDS!!… Brendan Wayne and Lateef Crowder should sue. Top billing Pedro Pascal in this is like saying Bruce Campbell is the star of Darkman. Baby Yoda’s puppeteers should sue. They carry this movie on their backs up the mountain and I can’t find their names anywhere. Sigourney should… Nah, she does alright outta this. It is perfectly pleasant mid-tier space adventure. I think The Mandalorian Disney+ show is the best thing to happen to the franchise since Rogue One. So Favreau and Filoni deserve their multiplex summer spin-off. The only time the comfort blanket slips is when the scale goes up a notch to grand Star Wars battles. What a mad thing to type up about the first Star Wars movie in seven years. Will sell Lego kits. This is the way.

6

Perfect Double Bill: Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/ and my own Substack https://substack.com/@edinburghlaughterbulletin