Bobby Carroll's Movie Diary

James McAvoy directs Samuel Bottomley, Séamus McLean Ross and himself in this Scottish film of the true tale of two Dundee lads who got a record contract pretending to be rappers from the States.

Natalie hit the nail on the head by saying this felt like every kids TV drama we watched and forgot about growing up. The movie suffers from not being very fun. Wallowing in self imposed misery, making the two leads quite unlikable. Should be a blast. Why so serious? Also, why so long? There is only 85 minutes of amusing anecdote here. Stretch and grind. I know this was made to an independent budget but seeing so much modern tech lurking in the background of 2001 London really took me out of the movie. Nitty picky… but I was bored, often looking everywhere and anywhere but the protagonists.

4

Perfect Double Bill: I Swear (2025)

Larry Stewart directs Daphne Zuniga, Vera Miles and Clu Gulager in this college sorority slasher with an amnesiac pledge.

Doesn’t make a jot of sense. Stars the girl from Spaceballs, the final act is in a mall and there is a twist. Takes ages to get going. Forgettable.

3

Perfect Double Bill: The Power (1984)

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Magnus von Horn directs Vic Carmen Sonne, Trine Dyrholm and Besir Zeciri in this Danish period drama about a woman whose life spirals to dark places after she becomes pregnant, loses her factory job and her husband returns from war.

Some juddering shocks and insidiously tragic moments herein. An incredibly bleak fairy tale based on a true story and horrific crimes. Aside from the beautifully stark black and white photography, this makes you side with “the monsters” due to the hopelessness of everyone’s situation. A unique experience but not exactly fun, fun, fun.

7

Perfect Double Bill: Blancanieves (2012)

Rian Johnson directs Josh O’Connor, Daniel Craig and Glenn Close in this locked room murder mystery set around a church.

Glossy all-star telly. More of the same, not enough Benoit Blanc. I can see myself revisiting these in my dotage for colourful comfort and not being able to follow one scene to the next.

6

Perfect Double Bill: Knives Out 4 (????)

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Maggie Gyllenhaal directs Jessie Buckley, Christian Bale and Annette Bening in this feminist monster movie / period crime mash-up with a dash of musical.

The Bride doesn’t hold together. It is choppy, sloppy, wild and in your face. More articles have been published tossing around it than people bought tickets at their ABC. Gyllenhaal’s grotesque folly has its moments but often this is laughably awful. Po-faced, try hard, overreaching. It is at its best when it is silky and daft. An impromptu dance number here and a potty mouthed possession there. You always know what Gyllenhaal and the gang are trying to do. They just never commit to a choice. But the unruly B-roll shot selection and Up There Own Arse acting tones really make you lose faith. This won’t be a Rocky Horror or Showgirls. Why? Those were, and are, abrasive larks. This is a pity party. Love Me / Don’t Look At Me roulette. Good costumes, music and ultra violence.

5

Perfect Double Bill: The Bride (1985)

Jared Bush and Byron Howard direct Ginnifer Goodwin, Jason Bateman and Ke Huy Quan in this buddy cop animated sequel from Disney where brave rabbit cop Judy Hopps and her morally dubious friend, the fox Nick Wilde, team up again to crack a new case.

It feels begrudging to dismiss this as more of the same. But does a hit sequel need to be anything else? To both films credit, they play with visual scale in a way lost since the heyday of Looney Tunes and Max Fleischer.

6

Perfect Double Bill: Hoppers (2026)

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Jaume Collet-Serra directs Taron Egerton, Jason Bateman and Sofia Carson in this thriller where an airport security agent is blackmailed into allowing a deadly suitcase to pass through his scanner.

I think Taron Egerton is grand. Really likeable everyman, physically convincing in action. This could be his audition for a Die Hard reboot or M:I torch passing. Not that I want either of those things to happen. (I also realise now I forgot to write a diary entry for his Tetris movie… Doh!) The thriller itself is slick but only the middle act has that true special sauce. It lets him off the hook to run around and be the he-man hero way too early into the dilemma. And Bateman, bless his smarmy sitcom socks, ain’t a particularly memorable villain. Merry Christmas!

7

Perfect Double Bill: Non-Stop (2014)

André Øvredal directs Corey Hawkins, Aisling Franciosi and Liam Cunningham in this adaptation of the chapter in Bram Stoker’s Dracula which most films skip.

Solid period horror which probably would struggle to find its audience any decade of my lifetime. All the ingredients are there for a The Thing inspired paranoid classic but we know too much of what is going on from the off.

6

Perfect Double Bill: Dracula: A Love Story (2025)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/ and my own Substack https://substack.com/@edinburghlaughterbulletin

Mike Hodges directs Rosanna Arquette, Jason Robards and Tom Hulce in this eerie erotic thriller where a religious medium has a vision of a hit-man killing his target.

Truly wanted to like this one a whole bunch more but it is spaced out and ponderous. Every frame has an emptiness to it making scenes awkwardly lifeless. It is almost like Hodges treats every set and every set piece like a liminal space we are ambling through by accident. There is definite intent behind this choice of mood but it doesn’t make for a very sticky thriller. Robards is always top value. Love him. And Arquette in various states of hotel horny undress is a silver lining. She brings her own energy to a rare top billed lead protagonist role.

4

Perfect Double Bill: The Linguini Incident (1991)

Corey Yuen directs Michelle Yeoh, Cynthia Rothrock and John Sham in this Hong Kong martial arts movie where two female cops team up to catch a gang of incompetent petty thieves who are in too deep with the big villains.

An absolute blast when it is focusing on Yeoh and / or Rothrock. Our Michelle gets a vibrant cold open where a flasher sting operation mutates into thrilling Dirty Harry inspired shotgun carnage in the streets. Rothrock has us at hello by performing a kick up over the back of her own shoulders that bends the laws of physics. The comedy subplot involving the bumbling crims is the curse of this genre. These longueurs are too broad and diverts us away from the buddy cop powerhouse we bought the Blu Ray for.

7

Perfect Double Bill: Royal Warriors (1986)

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