Bobby Carroll's Movie Diary

Eli Roth directs Bruce Willis, Dean Norris and Elisabeth Shue in this remake of the original revenge vigilante thriller.

Bruce Willis seemed to have given up over the last decade of his career. Phoning in franchise work for big salaries, and cameoing in a sluice of indistinguishable VOD dreck for day player paychecks. Then he retired and announced he was suffering from aphasia. One of the biggest and most charismatic A-List stars of the Nineties was finding lead roles near impossible. So he cashed in his fame to build up reservoirs of wealth for his family and self care while he could. Kept working as long as he could. Most of the films made in this final run are absolute dogshit. But there are glimmers of hope. Moonrise Kingdom. Looper. Motherless Brooklyn. This! And this got a drubbing on release. Written off with all the trash. But it actually does everything you’d want from a studio exploitation programmer. It looks good, moves at a pace, can be thrilling when the set pieces ramp up. While Willis might not be the sparkling, smirking charmer of Moonlighting or Die Hard, he does somehow manage (despite health limitations) to put in the right turn here. Death Wish deserves a reevaluation. It ain’t a classic but it is Willis’ last effective lead performance. Sits comfortable in the mid tier with Last Man Standing or Striking Distance. Now we know what he was suffering through and the reasoning behind the fire sale of his prestige, Death Wish is surely owed a smidge more love. It brings violence and suspense on a scale that the movie business ain’t all that interested in anymore. It is also Eli Royh’s most competent directing work.

6

Perfect Double Bill: Death Sentence (2007)

You can follow me on Letterboxd here https://letterboxd.com/ValVerdeNights/

Herbert Ross directs Whoopi Goldberg, Mary-Louise Parker and Drew Barrymore in this drama where a lesbian and a woman with a secret go on a road trip together, picking up a chaotic younger woman who gets them in trouble with the law.

Nineties melodrama buzzword bingo! This movie is a soft filtered hot mess. Scenes go wildly off beam. I wonder if the Thelma & Louise echoes were welded on after studio notes. Pre-fame Matthew McConaughey rocks up looking like a Lego man come to life. Drew flashes her abusive boyfriend at one point. Those two seconds of make all the forced mawk somehow worthwhile.

5

Perfect Double Bill: Fried Green Tomatoes (1991)

Michael Curtiz and William Keighley direct Errol Flynn, Olivia de Havilland and Claude Rains in this classic Technicolor swashbuckler.

A joyous lark. Keeps things light, keeps things moving. Errol Flynn struts and peacocks through this with absolute insouciance. It is so consummately entertaining and out of time (even for the thirties) that the whole romp proves irresistible.

8

Perfect Double Bill: The Sea Hawk (1940)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/ and my own Substack https://substack.com/@edinburghlaughterbulletin

Bradley Cooper directs Will Arnett, Laura Dern and himself in this drama about a divorcee who discovers open mic stand-up.

Loosely based on John Bishop’s early steps in comedy (but transplanted from Liverpool to New York), this has all the authenticity of car boot sale Labubu bong. People don’t interact like this. Comedy doesn’t work like this. How do these people even know each other? The one genuinely good scene is when his 10 year old sons find his notebook and ask him why he writes such sad shit. The one genuinely genuine scene is when his parents find out and knee jerk shit all over his little victory of booking a 10 spot. (Editorial: This character as presented would never get a 10 spot offered to him based on his inconsistent 2 chuckles a set batting average). The director casts himself as a recurring (non stand-up) comic relief but comes across as an annoying middle class, middle aged Floyd from True Romance. Cooper and Arnett are visually so similar I thought they were playing brothers. There is a hatefully written black female character that doesn’t pass muster. I think it is swell that the very earnest stud, who is only famous because of The Hangover franchise, has decided to become an auteur. It has become clear over three wildly indulgent projects that his passion is to represent the arts as a noble, life affirming endeavour in various forms. But he is an irredeemable pretentious, tone deaf darling. Tracing over the sorta movie Noah Baumbach used to make ain’t going get you your Oscar. And as awkward as this all is… Is This Thing On? is somehow his best movie to date. I laughed at it a lot less than A Star Is Born.

4

Perfect Double Bill: A Star Is Born (2018)

Christophe Gans directs Jeremy Irvine, Hannah Emily Anderson and Robert Strange in this third film in the horror video game adaptation telling the standalone tale of a man who receives a mysterious letter from his lost love and is drawn to Silent Hill.

No… I haven’t seen The Bone Temple yet?! But I have gone to see this. I had a soft spot for Christophe Gans’ original Silent Hill flick from 2006. In my book it still is the best console to big screen adaptation. There are moments in it that are genuinely totalitarian nightmarish. Dread inducing and extremely disgusting. This hits those peaks around five times… briefly. There are transformations and apocalyptic stalking scenes that truly amp up the Lynchian / Yuzna atmosphere. But the story is very rote, naively blatant and once the big twist becomes obvious you still have 90 minutes of the movie ramming it down your throat like it is some transcendently mind blowing revelation. If you can switch off from everything but the icky creature moments then this is Fangoria worthy. There are very few multiplex releases this digitally ugly I’ll give a pass to. Memorably hellish.

5

Perfect Double Bill: Silent Hill (2006)

You can follow me on Letterboxd here https://letterboxd.com/ValVerdeNights/

Park Chan-wook directs Lee Byung-hun, Son Ye-jin and Park Hee-soon in this Korean neo-noir where a recently laid off family man decides to assassinate his competition for a new opening at a paper plant.

Magisterial, wicked. A patient, coiled thriller with some of the most insane virtuoso visuals of the last 10 years. There’s that mordant sense of humour. That plotting which feels somehow both randomly squirrelish and fatefully composed. You can’t tame chaos, the best laid plans… etc. Lee Byung-hun and Son Ye-jin put in two of my favourite performances of this Oscar season. Expressing emotions, frustrations and schemes that ironically go unsaid but are viscerally felt. I would have liked to have seen both nominated. As with all Park Chan-wook, this will infest my brain until the next watch.

8

Perfect Double Bill: Parasite (2019)

Brian Yuzna directs Jeffrey Combs, Jason Barry and Elsa Pataky in this third flick in the H.P. Lovecraft inspired body horror saga.

West is in prison. And back to re-animating he goes. Almost everyone else involved is Spanish. It is a cheap limited production with some hilariously full on gore. This franchise deserved better sequels but this just about hits the spot as a one watcher.

5

Perfect Double Bill: Bride Of Re-Animator (1990)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/ and my own Substack https://substack.com/@edinburghlaughterbulletin

Park Chan-wook directs Song Kang-ho, Shin Ha-kyun and Bae Doona in this Korean thriller where a recently laid off factory worker kidnaps a rich man’s daughter, hoping to use the ransom money to pay for his sister’s kidney transplant.

The first Chan-wook I saw at the cinema and the twisted, painterly house style is very much present and correct. Obtuse, almost elliptical storytelling. Mad nihilist twists. Class inequalities explored in a way he never truly came back to until No Other Choice. Zero shits about sensibilities. A very lively supporting performance from Bae Doona. Her minimum wage revolutionary is the only character who feels more complex than a chess piece on a board where all the moves have long since been fatally set.

7

Perfect Double Bill: Lady Vengeance (2006)

Joe Roth directs Robert Carradine, Curtis Armstrong and Larry B. Scott in this teen comedy sequel where the nerd fraternity have to represent themselves on a Florida vacation.

Standard Eighties sequel. Get everyone back (Anthony Edwards in a reduced role). Repeat all the jokes (though no floppy javelin). Send ‘em holiday. Mix in some new girls and a few movie spoofs for the trailer. It ain’t rocket science, it ain’t even remedial science.

5

Perfect Double Bill: Revenge Of The Nerds (1984)

You can follow me on Letterboxd here https://letterboxd.com/ValVerdeNights/

Tyler Spindel directs David Spade, Lauren Lapkus and Nick Swardson in this gross out comedy about a lonely guy who invites a horrific blind date on holiday with him by accident.

Off cuts from other Adam Sandler projects minced together and tossed at David Spade like scraps. He shrugs his way through this. Goes really hard on the nasty, has Nick Swardson in a prominent role. So… pretty distasteful. Lauren Lupkus sees her shot, doesn’t hold back and her cutely obnoxious grotesque idiot ends up being the flick’s saving grace. Eventually the story just gives up on itself and goes full romcom cookie cutter.

5

Perfect Double Bill: The Do-Over (2013)