William Fruet directs Kay Hawtrey, Lesleh Donaldson and Barry Morse in this Canadian slasher where a young woman arrives at her grandmother’s house, which used to be a funeral home, to help her turn the place into a bed-and-breakfast inn but people keep getting killed.
Low budget spin on Psycho. “Converted B&B” may be a less marketable title but also less of a swizz. Diverting, a little better plotted than, say, a Friday the 13th.
5
Perfect Double Bill: Scream (1981)
Ben Affleck directs himself, John Goodman and Alan Arkin in this Best Picture winning movie where a CIA agent launches a dangerous operation posing as a sci-fi movie producer to rescue six Americans in Tehran during the U.S. hostage crisis in Iran.
Many Oscar years the best film nominated doesn’t win but the most solidly made, least offensively spirited does. It doesn’t hurt if the trophied flick paints Hollywood as the protector of western values and freedom. This delivers above average drama and above average peril for a steady two hours. There’s some Sorkin-esque dialogue and Lumet lifted storytelling. But the lark is with Goodman and Arkin’s gregarious La La Land hustlers and Affleck struggles to keep them in play after the second act. We’ll always have “Argo fuck yourself.”
7
Perfect Double Bill: The Town (2010)
I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/ and my own Substack https://substack.com/@edinburghlaughterbulletin
Colin Higgins directs Goldie Hawn, Chevy Chase and Dudley Moore in this romantic comedy thriller where a librarian is pursued by killers who keep covering their tracks before the police can turn up.
A massive hit back in the day, this was in heavy rotation on TV when I was too you to get it. A light spoof on Hitchcock (think Charade) but with memorable bursts of wackiness. Then goes for the What’s Up Doc? demolition derby car chase finale. Screwball can roll too long, y’know. Goldie is game and perky. This is her at her apex. There probably isn’t enough Chevy for them to share equal billing. The younger generations might appreciate his reduced presence but I missed him when he wasn’t about. Afternoon delight.
7
Perfect Double Bill: The Sugarland Express (1974)
Wes Craven directs Michael Beck, Beatrice Straight and Laura Johnson in this supernatural thriller where a dying corporate exec wakes up after being cryogenically frozen – ruthless and quite possibly soulless.
So boring it uncannily feels like being cryogenically frozen for 10 years.
1
Perfect Double Bill: Shocker (1989)
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Rian Johnson directs Rachel Weisz, Adrien Brody and Mark Ruffalo in this romantic comedy involving two conmen siblings, their mysterious muse and their recluse mark.
I had my stock bought early, was a Rian Johnson booster since Brick. Yet his sophomore movie was never released near me in 2008… and I lived in central London in 2008! So it has been languishing on my “must watch” list for a long old time. Not going to lie, bit disappointed. The prologue featuring the brother planning their first scam as kids has juice but none of the stars. Once we age up, Ruffalo and especially Brody seem to be playing against type and the trivia confirms they swapped roles during rehearsal. The switch doesn’t chime. The movie feels overly slavish to Wes Anderson in look and rhythm. One Wes is enough! And considering this came out in the wake of The Spanish Prisoner, Nine Queens, Matchstick Men AND Confidence (also starring Weisz) it doesn’t have anything new to say about the film flam sub-genre aside from reheating the leftovers in lesser used international locations. Rinko Kikuchi as a near silent explosive experts and a montage of Rachel Weisz’s hobbies are the stand-outs but both glimmers are whimsy of the highest order. I need to catch Brick again.
5
Perfect Double Bill: Brick (2005)
Adrian Choa directs Louis Theroux, Harrison Sullivan and Justin Waller in this documentary film exploring “red pill” influencers.
Theroux seems a little out of step here. He is exploited as much as his subjects. They turns the tables on him a few times for instant clout in a way cosseted egocentric celeb monsters and sex workers never could. It actually plays out as a revealing heat check into a world of post truth, where mainstream media’s trust and power has been eroded. This is what is creating and filling the vacuum. I have been on a fair bit of training around working on this subject with young men recently. It was very well researched and academically sound. But both this doc and that learning skip over the fact that muscle bound men posing as billionaires and lotharios taps into adolescent fantasies and older men’s frustrations very, very easily. It clearly is a scam, a pyramid scheme and a hustle to those of us content and secure. But a kick back against the gentrification of traditional male culture, plus the in vogue demonisation of men in general, was inevitable. The last decade of #metoo and #butalwaysaman was essential but its commodification would always lead to some such reactive extremity. I find these men ridiculous and abhorrent but equally a lot of current feminist social media and culture has the similar tang of self serving echo nastiness. I find grifter feminists with no grace or diplomacy equally ridiculous if a little less distasteful. Take it from a soy boy cuck nerd wokey brokie: “Only a Sith deals in absolutes”. We are only becoming more fractured and I feel Theroux knows he is out of his depth here on his (our) side of the schism. It is fascinating he is happy to unvarnish that truth, that he no longer has the tools to deal with the new misogyny and its cutting edge delivery system.
7
Perfect Double Bill: Feels Good Man (2020)
I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/ and my own Substack https://substack.com/@edinburghlaughterbulletin
Rob Marshall directs Johnny Depp, Penélope Cruz and Ian McShane in this soft reboot where Jack Sparrow and Barbossa embark on a quest to find the elusive fountain of youth, only to discover that Blackbeard and his daughter are after it too.
All the elements are here but it seems strangely focussed on static pageantry rather then propulsion. Get them all on a desert island by the midway point and… then… just… stop. Very sterile. Wasn’t shocked to see Marshall (a musical director) had taken the steering wheel over from Verbinski. One understands blockbuster kinetics and the other understands costumes and blocking. Cruz is a superior love interest / booty rival for Depp. She is surprisingly big and bouncy in this. Turns out she was heavily pregnant during the shoot. While she is the best thing in the movie (even better than the Jack Sparrow Show, which is growing quite tiresome) perhaps someone of equal stature who didn’t need to be filmed standing still and only from the cleavage up might have been a better shout for a franchise famous for its extravagant action set pieces. Dead in the water.
3
Perfect Double Bill: Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar’s Revenge (2017)
Roger Kumble directs Robin Dunne, Sarah Thompson and Amy Adams in this recast prequel to Cruel Intentions.
Three unaired episode of a YA spin-off series (Manchester Prep) edited together into feature length. Straight To DVD fodder and with a scene of blatantly crowbarred in nudity added later. I probably would have watched the show had they given us a chance and Amy Adams is easily the best thing in this. She takes over the Sarah Michelle Gellar role. The abrupt twist ending they scrabble together is wildly off but they had to tie this off somehow.
5
Perfect Double Bill: Cruel Intentions 3 (2004)
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Lisa Hunt directs Leslie Bega, Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Pamella D’Pella in this exploitation flick following a LA hooker being hunted by her pimp.
A beat for beat remake of the far superior Streetwalkin’. A very young Jeffrey Dean Morgan plays the psycho pimp but looks like he has just come from a 21 Jump Street audition. Seemingly filmed on video.
3
Perfect Double Bill: Avenging Angel (1985)
Renny Harlin directs Kathryn Morris, LL Cool J and Jonny Lee Miller in this serial killer thriller where a flamboyant murderer picks off a group of FBI profilers on a deserted island.
Also featuring Christian Slater and Val Kilmer. But they don’t last past the first act. And their billing on the posters spoils that long before I ever could. Identity meet Saw. Not very good but unhinged enough that you can’t turn it off. 2004 had an aesthetic and it is this. Glacial, shiny, cruel and harsh.
4
Perfect Double Bill: Wrong Turn (2003)
I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/ and my own Substack https://substack.com/@edinburghlaughterbulletin
Bobby Carroll's Movie Diary 