Marcus Nispel directs Jason Momoa, Rose McGowan and Stephen Lang in this reboot of the action fantasy franchise where the undefeatable warrior goes up against a slaughtering king and his mad witch daughter.

Marcus Nispel was a name I knew well before he even got to direct a movie. Although all traces of his original controversy have seemingly disappeared from the immediately searchable Internet, he was infamous at the turn of the millennium for being the music video director who got fired from Arnie’s End of Days. He sent out a ridiculous, lengthy, dictatorial memo on the first day of production that made him the laughing stock of Hollywood. Instead of the desired result of Nispel being treated with absolute power on set (and getting his vegetarian platter on time), journeyman Peter Yates was instead hurried over as new director of what was originally feted as Marcus’ big budget debut. Beyond trivia, the gossipy storm in a teacup that slightly held back his career, has always stuck with me. End of Days ended up being a forgettable workman-like production, watchable thanks to Arnie but toothless given its potential.

Of all the post True Lies projects Schwarzenegger took on… End of Days on paper had the potential to be the stand-out. The Terminator Versus The Devil himself… horror imagery nuked with the megastar’s explosive brand of carnage. And I’ve always held the nagging belief that if Nispel had directed it then something special would have happened. A bigger hit… possibly? A different creative direction for Arnold? Definitely! Who knows how far reaching the fallout could have been if Nispel had made a classic out of End of Days. No Governator… perhaps. A reinvigorated Arnie who is still even now a box office force to be reckoned with… it is not unimaginable. Violent, hard R-rated, FX driven actioner still a viable box office genre to this very day? It is quite the “What if?” This Arnie fumble and Verhoeven’s Crusades not being greenlit in quick succession are one of genre cinemas unrecognised turning points. And all down to a hubristic memo.

Nispel eventually bounced back. He made his name on slick, visually distinctive horror remakes. The scale and originality wasn’t there but they made money and didn’t kill off any branded properties for the fan bases. Though still a remake, and of an Arnie franchise to boot, Conan felt like a bigger stab. Epic fantasy like Lord of the Rings, violent action against stylised monsters (like those in Nispel’s slasher reboots), a lived-in yet airbrushed world that felt like a sun faded comic book come to life. The critics hated it, the audiences shrugged. And I’ll concede this Conan has its problems. Momoa looks the part but feels lost in the shuffle. The action becomes a bit deadening in the final stretch.

Yet there’s something about the brutal, ambitious production design that I really liked. It is big, nasty, stimulating. There’s always something eye catching to look at in this world… the location work lending it an authenticity and sweep. Narratively it moves and acts like a mega budget tentpole release… it was made for $90 million, it looks like the money was spent well. Lang and especially McGowan make for memorable, hissable villains. This is Rose’s last big film and based on her work in Scream, Planet Terror and this, the Tinseltown meat grinder really did fuck her over. She should have been a bigger star, she would have been the definitive Red Sonja. And while it all does lack Arnie, everything around it is better than his pair of dated sword and sorcery cash-ins. You might have nostalgia for them, or miss their camp cultish appeal, but this Conan is the better, classier production… even the CGI is well utilised. Give it a shot, it is a stronger film than it has any right to be… and the driving force behind this: Marcus Nispel.

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Peter Segal directs Adam Sandler, Drew Barrymore and Rob Schneider in this romantic comedy about a commitment shy zookeeper who falls for a woman who loses her short term memory at the end of every day. X

A genuinely lovely romantic comedy – brimming with brightness, great Hawaiian location work and a medley of steel drum covers of 80s classics. Sandler dials back his broadness (leaving the coarser, bigger gags to his honed menagerie of regular support players and trained animals), leaving an eager sweet fall guy. Barrymore is the star though. We know this pairing works like biscuits and milk. The Wedding Singer had already proved that. This is the one collaboration where Barrymore gets the best lines and the goofier action. Her constantly resetting dream girl feels like a far fuller creation than laddish comedies usually cater up. Though in fairness Sandler’s productions always treat his romantic leading ladies like queens. They have a Hawksian attitude to the top line girls – they are smart, capable, self aware, glamorous yet attainable. Essentially in Adam Sandler’s silly, shouty yet likeable universe wooing the lady is the ultimate prize. When he’s cast next to Drew Barrymore it’s hard to disagree with that goal. This will make you laugh, make you smile, even on your fiftieth viewing.

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My Top 10 Drew Barrymore Movies

Alex Gibney directs Tom Cruise, John Travolta and L. Ron Hubbard in this scathing look at the bonkers 20th century invented religion that has been taken up by many a Hollywood power player.

This is not, by any journalistic definition, a balanced look at the prosperous cult. It feels almost too attacking to really be absorbed by an open minded viewer as bare faced facts. At best the whole thing has a gossipy fascination, the schadenfreude of watching a string of gullible whiteys be manipulated by new age business racketeers. The take home is they moved away from cod psychology and enforced slavery to religious protection from taxes and real estate. Shady cabal acts shady, makes money, exerts influence. You could say that of any organised belief system, even hardline atheism.

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George Miller directs Mel Gibson, Bruce Spence and Emil Minty in this post-apocalyptic demolition derby where Max wants to get into an oil refinery surrounded by murderous biker punks.

I do this blog to keep track of all the movies I watch. Share my thoughts. Time capsule my viewing habits. Occasionally I watch an old classic… a firm favourite…. and I plain just don’t know what to write. I have too much to say about Last Action Hero. I cannot get my head around how perfect Raiders of the Lost Ark is. So they have gone unlogged. Notes on my pad I might never get around too… until I watch them again. Ruining my perfect record. I didn’t want that to happen with The Road Warrior. One of the most furious and kinetic pieces of physical action cinema ever made. So I’ll just say this. “Greetings from The Humungus! The Lord Humungus! The Warrior of the Wasteland! The Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla!”

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My Top 10 Australian Films

1. The Mad Max Series (1979-2015)
2. Gallipoli (1981)
3. Walkabout (1971)
4. ‘Breaker’ Morant (1980)
5. Tracks (2014)
6. The Proposition (2005)
7. Chopper (2000)

8. The Hard Word (2002)
9. Wake in Fright (1971)
10. Strictly Ballroom (1992)

Brady Corbet directs Natalie Portman, Jude Law and Raffey Cassidy in this fictional biopic of a pop star who came to fame after surviving a school shooting.

Much like Ash is the Purest White, this feels like a filmmaker taking stock of the first fifth of the 21st century. It also showcases an abnormally layered, ambiguous, spellbinding central character (Cassidy / Portman as Madonna / Britney inspired Celeste). Don’t get me wrong Vox Lux is an uneven film. Much of the run time is filled with knowingly detached, knowingly ironic character study soap. You aren’t entirely sure there is an endgame to the patience testing tantrums and tracking shots. But it is bookended by two bravura set pieces. That school massacre opener is vice tight and devastating. And the finale where Portman’s broken Celeste wiggles her sequinned heart out to autotuned hits is cathartic. Much like Bohemian Rhapsody, the razzle dazzle of a big concert finale jettisons all doubts, lifts your soul, obliterates any nagging loose ends. So there is an endgame. It is just elusive in its intention. Corbet apes his influences confidently… he loves Kubrick, Von Trier, Haneke and Bergman. But that expert deployment of music, that’s his own. Scott Walker’s score, Sia’s tunes. Wow! That uncertainty he makes us feel. We know the pot is boiling. We know the pot will boil over. Here’s the turmoil, here’s the steam but we never see it spill over into disaster. Willem Dafoe tells us what is happening. His detached narration is filled with mocking regret. Is he the devil? Are we? Corbet’s house style is precocious, lifted, but it makes you feel like you’ve fucking seen something.

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John Guillermin directs M.E. Clifton, John Mills and Cecil Parker in this WWII true story about a struggling actor given the mission of impersonating Field Marshal Montgomery to distract to the dastardly Bosch.

M.E. Clifton plays himself – a former actor, working in the Army pay office who is enlisted into performing as a lookalike diversion for one the Allied’s key military figures. It is jolly little tale, full of pluck and patriotism. Perfect for teatime viewing. It only really sparks into something a bit more cinematically daring when embellishing the facts. A quite exciting kidnapping attempt is utter hokum but caps the rather talky adventure off on an action high.

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My Top 10 WWII War Movies

1. Dunkirk (2017)
2. The Great Escape (1963)
3. The Bridge On The River Kwai (1957)

4. The Thin Red Line (1998)
5. The Big Red One (1980)
6. The 49th Parallel (1941)
7. Inglorious Basterds (2009)
8. Went the Day Well? (1942)
9. Ice Cold in Alex (1958)
10. Hacksaw Ridge (2016)

Gilbert Adler directs Dennis Miller, Erika Eleniak and Angie Everhart in this vampire comedy where a sexy Christian and a sleazy detective investigate a deadly whorehouse.

Brash and diverting, just not very good. The scares and action are haphazardly shot. They have energy but no consistency. The sex appeal is supplied by Angie Everhart’s villain, Eleniak strangely wants to stay prim and proper, spoiling some of the intended fun. The comedy is strange. A third of the way in SNL alumni Dennis Miller turns up and tries to turn all the cleavage and rubbery fang silliness into Fletch. He improvises his socks off, twisting dialogue into something that sounds funny in his head even if it derails exposition or logic. Where Chevy Chase is detached and charming, Miller comes across as desperate and pugnacious. He certainly mixes things up on what would have been a forgettable throwaway production, though more often than not for the worse.

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Gary Young directs Katie Jarvis, Cathy Tyson and David Hayman in this British crime drama where a derelict power station serves as the site for kidnapping, revenge and drugs.

I watched this to see what Fish Tank’s Katie Jarvis did next. The results are not impressive. The variable cast struggle with a convoluted script, written by someone who has never learnt the storytelling lesson, show don’t tell. Amateur hour stuff.

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Toa Fraser directs Jamie Bell, Abbie Cornish and Mark Strong in this police procedural true story of when the SAS were brought in to end the 1980 Iranian Embassy siege.

A news story I was too young to remember but whose imagery seemed to be a mainstay of news reporting throughout my childhood. I worked around the corner from the location for many a year. The action is involving but Bell and Strong seem at half power in underwritten roles. Abbie Cornish is well cast as Kate Adie. Unlike Entebbe this doesn’t give you a greater psychological understanding of the terror attack. Maybe the other film is more interesting for focusing on the antagonists rather than the dry bureaucrats and grizzled soldiers.

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Paul Bartel directs David Carradine, Simone Griffeth and Sylvester Stallone in this Roger Corman produced futuresport sci-fi.

Religious corporate fascists have taken over America. They mollify the masses with a hit and run murder race that takes place across the breadth of America. The contestants score points by running down pedestrians. The population is entertained and culled simultaneously. The production has a cheap tits and ass exploitation charm. The satire is strange and the violence lurid. You can see its massive influence on 2000AD in every frame. I enjoy it more every time I watch it.

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