Richard Stanley directs Nicolas Cage, Madeleine Arthur and Joely Richardson in this sci-fi horror where a middle-class family who have relocated to the wilderness are terrorised by the puce contents of a meteorite.

Richard Stanley (director of Dust Devil, and nothing since due to the vagaries of Hollywood) teams up with horror comeback Cage to do Lovecraft. This could have been a bin fire and I’d still be in. The movie itself is a creepy uneasy treat. Not fully palatable for mainstream audiences. The performances are variable, not helped by Stanley’s eagerness to shoot a lot of his dialogue in face-on close-ups. Cage starts out amusingly as a pretty regular unhip Dad but soon warps into a mix of Jack from The Shining and a Donald Trump impersonation as his idyllic life goes off the rails. It is an unpredictable, unrestrained jolt of acting… in keeping with the surreal mania of the plot. Either you are going to relish Cage obliviously collecting mutant tomatoes or you are going to switch off. I’m a tomato kinda guy personally. Madeline Arthur holds her own as the witchy daughter, though her personal disintegration isn’t given enough screen time to fully convince. She fares better than the older son who you forget even lives at the farmhouse until he suddenly reappears next the family dog who you have been caring about. Stanley is a rare unique voice in genre cinema and for the first half he seems muted and aiming for a subtle atmosphere of paranoia. Once the alien bacteria begins altering everyone’s DNA and perception the brakes come right off. The shocks in the final act are genuinely affecting and relentless. A visual treat for fans of both The Thing and 2001: A Space Odyssey. Only one shoddy CGI character reveals the budgetary limitations and Stanley is smart enough to cut around and only let us glimpse that monstrosity. Most “modern” directors would hold on such a weak FX as it cost a sizeable proportion of the budget. Stanley knows a rush of overwhelming chaos and nasty we can’t stop to pick apart is far more powerful. A beautifully ugly cult item.

7

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

David Swift directs Hayley Mills, Hayley Mills and Maureen O’Hara in this Disney romantic comedy where accidentally reunited twin sisters swap lives in the hope of rekindling their divorced single parents love for each other.

Bright and conservative, god only knows how many times I watched this as a kid? The creaky values and aspects are what make it now, in a cheesy kinda way. You could hardly say Mills’ dual role is particularly easy on modern eyes and ears. Or that true A-Lister O’Hara is expected to do much more than walk down stairways in lovely dresses. There is some light, pleasant slapstick that keeps the engine running even when the plot is having its eighth fag break.

5

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Gina Prince-Bythewood directs Charlize Theron, KiKi Layne and Matthias Schoenaerts in this comic book action movie where immortals act as “a rescue team, not assassins” throughout history.

The key problem with any protagonist who cannot be killed is watching them survive a conventional action sequence contains zero peril. It is why Batman will always be more exciting than Superman. Why The Terminator movies must also contain a Connor. The Old Guard does eventually start to hint that its invulnerable death squad do have limitations to their regenerative powers but this weakness is never exploited. The spectacle here is pretty rote and for some reason accompanied by the breathy whispery pop tunes that became a cliche in trailers a decade ago. You understand every stylistic and narrative decision but it is hard to be excited by them. This is Highlander meets The Avengers but the most plain, unflavoured variation of that potent conceptual mash-up. Theron is shockingly lacklustre, the plot plodding and noncommittal. Positives? There is a decent fight / training level / initiation on a cargo plane and two of our lower billed former crusaders have heated moments of romance. These are the straws I clutched at under my duvet on a grey afternoon. As with most Netflix mega budgeted originals I found it hard not open a side window on my screen and scroll the internet after a while. I had no such issue of aimless distraction with the cheap dated film below, watched with the same AV set-up in bed.

4

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Ubaldo Ragona and Sidney Salkow direct Vincent Price, Franca Bettoia and Emma Danieli in this indie horror where a lone survivor of a vampire zombie apocalypse holes up in his home.

The first attempt to adapt Richard Matheson’s I Am Legend. Bleak and hammy at the same time, though Price (the Nicolas Cage of his day) almost ensures these qualities. Also filmed in Rome’s EUR region (featuring distinctive concrete futurist architecture) this could easily be the immediate sequel to the quiet cataclysm we see in Antonioni’s L’Eclisse. That film ends with an eerie depopulation of the streets, here Price, when not barricading himself away from clumsy reekers, desperately scours the same abandoned suburbs. While often cheap and ineffective, a lot of the imagery predates future zombie classics uncannily.

6

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Carl Reiner directs Steve Martin, Rachel Ward and himself in this film noir spoof where a straight faced private dick interacts with footage of classic movie stars in hard boiled situations.

The central conceit of this rarely works. Only the scene where Martin is intercut with Bette Davis pays off. The other 18 or so attempts to make the joke perform feels more there to string a nonsensical plot together rather than because they found the punchlines. The comedy plays much better when it just Martin and Ward being goofs in monochrome cosplay. And the movie, despite not being very funny, is a loving celebration of a bygone age of moviemaking. The sweet tribute to Edith Head at the end adds at least a point to the final score. And we must track down the heavily salvaged movie The Bribe. Whatever it is, it looks awesome from what we glimpsed here.

6

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Roy Andersson directs Nils Westblom, Holger Andersson and Charlotta Larsson in this arthouse comedy where Swedish sad sacks and grotesques go about their dystopian grind.

More from Little Sweden. Pretty much the same vibe as You, The Living. A kinda utilitarian surreal sketch show. The recurring characters of two depressed novelty item salesmen are a welcome addition but the final sections lurch into an overly cruel set of tableaux that do little but visualise what we all already sadly know about humanity.

5

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Orson Welles directs himself, Joseph Cotten and Dorothy Comingore in this fictional biopic of a newspaper tycoon whose hubris and wealth destroys his life and ideals.

I doubt I’ll find anything particularly new to say about the most overly assessed, praised and dissected film ever made. Rotting ever so slightly on its pedestal as the official, indisputable “greatest movie” does it no favours. It is a fine feature, ahead of its time, compulsively vibrant. It throws every experimental and flashy filmmaking technique against the wall and a lot of that sticks. I’m not entirely sure there is always purpose behind the revolutionary use of deep focus, sound design and jump cuts no matter how dazzling they are when combined together so insistently. Likewise the sheer cornucopia of motifs and clues and parallels can be heavy handed in their slutty desire to be unpicked and unpacked. Jigsaw pieces. Rosebud. Principles. The movie has grown on me. It does get better with every rewatch. It almost deserves to be forgotten then rediscovered. Unearthed and viewed through unprepared eyes. There are superb moments that nobody comments on. Seeded through the more iconic stuff. The faceless investigator’s casual jokey dismissal of other’s lives caught up in the behemoth’s wake. The eerie background disembodied scream as Kane’s second marriage falls apart. Welles trashing a room in a fantastic, unwavering single take. Citizen Kane is packed with juicy morsels. I just personally feel it is more impressive to make a narrative film that is at peace with being itself for the entirety of it runtime rather than a supermarket sweep of qualities and tricks.

9

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Mat Whitecross directs Andy Serkis, Olivia Williams and Ray Winstone in this musical biopic of Ian Dury, essaying the punk legend’s difficult route to success.

A messy, earnest film that reinforces the maxim “Don’t meet your heroes.” Serkis’ take on Dury is unlikable and abrasive. That’s not the end of the world but the pub toilet hedonism and half heard music doesn’t justify looking this intently at the dark and ugly portrait presented. More Water Rats than The 100 Club. Naomie Harris does good work as the new girlfriend.

5

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Richard Donner directs Mel Gibson, Donald Glover and Joe Pesci in this buddy cop action comedy sequel where Riggs & Murtagh take on some vile, racist, drug dealing South African diplomats.

“The Magic Is Back!” So heralded the poster and it didn’t lie. Gibson and Glover’s unmatchable onscreen chemistry mixed with Donner’s impeccable blockbuster instinct. Forget the shoestring plot, this is a pearl necklace of stand-out bits strung together on the goodwill of the excellent first film. The toilet bomb set piece was so perfect that they just used it as a trailer. The appetite to revisit these loveable characters so overpowering, that the film just starts mid action sequence (a bantering car chase where the family station wagon becomes a slapstick fall guy) and then doesn’t ever stop to establish a clear plot. Apartheid = bad = boo hiss racists we want to see get their just desserts. It doesn’t have to be more complicated than that. We want to see the daughter’s big debut condom advert, “But…but you’re blick?!”, Leo Getz’s rant at getting the wrong sandwich at the drive-thru and Mad Mel sex scene the Oasis out of Patsy Kensit. You came for comedy… well the wisecracking repartee has matured with age, you came for bloody destructive vengeance… well… Riggs learns this time it is personal and becomes a rage monster for the final reel. To wit “I’m not a cop tonight, Rog. This is personal.” Donner literally plunges the sunny film into murky shadow to match his deranged hero’s moral state. The only area where this pure entertainment falters ever so slightly is that the action isn’t quite as intense as your standard Joel Silver production. Busy but not quite as high octane or necessary. All in all though this is about as pleasurable a Friday night video as you can rent, so generous and giving that you’ll want to rewatch it again the next morning before returning it!

9

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Morten Tyldum directs Aksel Hennie, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau and Synnøve Macody Lund in this Norwegian crime thriller where a corporate headhunter moonlights as an art thief.

What starts out as a dry TV- resembling adaptation with staid narration and domestic setting suddenly warps into an absolute rollercoaster. By the midway point our anti-hero is covered in shit, hot wiring a tractor, a gunman breathing down his neck with a killer dog leaping at him… things only escalate from there. Wildly twisting until its last breath this thrashingly good rattler is hyper violent and blackly humorous. Askel Hennie stands out as the weasly lead who survives all manner of fatal situations even if it means continually degrading himself with improvised cunning. A nasty treat, one of the few movies to match the unpredictable glee of watching a Tarantino for the first time!

9

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/