Kevin Smith directs Linda Fiorentino, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon in this religious satire road movie where two fallen angels threaten reality by trying to cross the threshold of a cathedral in New Jersey.

This felt like a pretty big deal the Christmas it came out. Released under the weight of controversy and possible censorship, Smith’s one true play to capitalise on the critical goodwill generated by Chasing Amy and become a serious filmmaker… plus it saw the Good Will Hunting stars reunited. And already being a big fan of what was becoming the View Askew universe, I lapped it up. Laughed my arse off, spotted the Easter eggs and chewed over the smarter ideas. Flaws and all, it still holds up strong. Smith trying to be a more visually astute moviemaker falls flat but you can at least see the effort to try and match the budget in his generally dull, talky compositions. It can feel very much like a foul mouthed theology lesson from scene to scene. Alan Rickman, Chris Rock and Salma Hayek all serve the same purpose… to dump reams of obscure Christian mythology at you. But who wouldn’t want to see any of those three actors thump out pages of dialogue? Hayek even does a very hot baby pink striptease that is worth the admission price alone. For the Smith faithful Jay and Silent Bob get plenty of good bits of business and Jason Lee is gifted with one of his better roles. There’s a lot to savour and unpack here. It is very much my jam. I doubt other generations will care about the cameos and dirty humour of it… but like all of Smith’s earlier, funnier ones… this feels tailor made for me.

8

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Leos Carax directs Adam Driver, Marion Cotillard and Simon Helberg in this rock opera where a stand-up comedian’s relationship with his opera singer wife and his puppet daughter disintegrates.

Tried to go into this with as open a heart as possible but this kinda of pretentious, anus gazing just isn’t for me. It almost had me with the sung to camera “let’s start the show” prologue but any goodwill was ground out over the next two hours. Some of Sparks’ full songs stay in your head for days after. Cotillard’s doomed face is always welcome in any context. Though the movie does just seem to want to dress her up like a doll with a never ending wardrobe until the inevitable point where she is killed off. Then we are just stuck in misery with a monotone Driver and a creepy marionette. The lead character’s stand-up routines would never work in reality but someone liked the poetry around the idea that a comedian “kills” and “dies” on stage. So we have to endure them. Where are we by the end? Bored and restless. Really not for me but you might be seduced by the visual big swings it takes… but I’m betting you won’t.

3

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

James Wan directs Annabelle Wallis, Maddie Hasson and George Young in this horror where a woman begins to have visions of brutal murders as they happen.

A real sweet and sour experience. The sweet is just how extreme it all is. There are shocks and brutality that feel like something from a few decades ago. If Saw was gory and The Conjuring was classy then this is Wan at his most unhinged and untethered. I’d love to see the studio notes some poor executive had to feedback on any cut of this. Joseph Bishara pumps up the giallo mood with a vigorous score, the whole thing has the colour scheme and erratic plotting of Argento or Fulci at their least coherent. The sour though is constantly irritating. Terrible, flat acting across the board, a sense of unreality that never bares fruit. A horrendous over reliance on CGI that smothers some really disturbed practical FX stuff. You know where Malignant is going from the very start yet it does surprise you quite often, the story beats it emphasises are so full fat and histrionic you want to overlook all that is… a bit shit… about it.

6

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Liesl Tommy directs Jennifer Hudson, Forest Whitaker and Marlon Wayans in this bog standard Aretha Franklin biopic.

I had high hopes for this as Hudson is such unsurpassable casting in the central role. Yet it ploughs the musical life story sub-genre’s well dug furrows with a complete lack of imagination. Scenes after scene of quite traumatising tragedy is given little impact as it feels like a box ticking exercise rather than a storytelling challenge. Towards the end there is the unintentional vibe that Aretha actually needed a domineering violent man in her life to stop her going off the rails. That can’t be what they were hoping to convey, surely? The middle section where she finds her sound and develops her voice and autonomy allows Hudson to shine. The other stuff is very meh considering it takes in child abuse, wife beating and alcoholic breakdowns. Welcome support from Whitaker and Marc Maron keep Respect from being a complete disappointment. And, it almost goes without saying, the soundtrack is exceptional. Lacking the cheese of Bohemian Rhapsody or the rare qualities of Walk The Line this truly needed to make more definitive narrative choices to standout.

5

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Joseph Ruben directs Elijah Wood, Macaulay Culkin and Wendy Crewson in this thriller where a grieving nephew stays with his extended family only to discover his cousin is a budding psycho.

Dull and ridiculous, a very difficult combination to pull off. Culkin is trying to play against brand and it just doesn’t work. The genesis of the project is far more fascinating than the end product. The first draft of the screenplay was written by great novelist Ian McEwan. Heathers’ Michael Lehmann was fired from the director’s chair very late into pre-production. There are a couple of shots and moments that do suggest a visual and psychological sophistication but they stand out like sore thumbs within the rest of the thin gruel result. Special mention must go to the late great Elmer Bernstein’s atrociously incongruous score. If you ever need proof that nobody had a handle on what they were making here then the jarringly upbeat and old fashioned soundtrack is the smoking gun.

2

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Luc Besson directs Anne Parillaud, Jean-Hugues Anglade and Tchéky Karyo in this action thriller where a young woman, facing a life sentence in prison, is press ganged into becoming an assassin for the French government.

The action is still spectacular (the restaurant hit is an all time amazing set piece) but this sits in the memory more comfortably than the actual viewing experience plays out. Parillaud looks delectable but her acting is annoyingly all over the shop, downright irritating in a lot of scenes. And Besson seems to think that being convicted for maliciously shooting someone in the head in cold blood is the height of establishment injustice… which doesn’t ring true at all. Those dated, whiny aspects aside… this still looks superb. And we want the style not the substance.

8

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Les Mayfield directs Sean Austin, Brendan Fraser and Pauly Shore in this jokeless comedy about a teenage caveman who wakes up in 90s California.

Everybody involved went on to better things. Except Pauly Shore.

3

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Alex Cox directs Emilio Estevez, Harry Dean Stanton and Tracey Walter in this sci-fi satire where a new repo man is shown the ropes by an old hand with his own philosophy… meanwhile a car makes their list with something extra-terrestrial in the boot.

It’s A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World meets Kiss Me Deadly meets a Warren Oates movie. Iggy Pop theme tune that shreds. About as punk as any studio released movies ever got. It isn’t particularly well made but if someone told you it was their all time favourite you wouldn’t blink an eye. There’s just something about the energy and the attitude that puts it ahead of slicker, more crafted productions of its time. “Look at those assholes, ordinary fucking people. I hate ’em.”

8

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Richard Benjamin directs Cher, Winona Ryder and Christina Ricci in this coming of age period movie about matriarch-led family of kooks who never settle in one town for long.

A blank turn by Cher is orbited by three generations of fine character actors. Bob Hoskins is probably the stand-out as the open hearted love interest. Although he has one topless scene where he is so hairy it looks likes someone has drawn a crayon outline roughly around his shoulders. Nothing much happens and quirky affectations are the order of the day but this is still very sweet. Cher’s The Shoop Shoop Song dominated school discos for my generation, the music video made many clips from this film all but indelible in my memory .

6

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Marco Brambilla directs Sylvester Stallone, Wesley Snipes and Sandra Bullock in this sci-fi action comedy where a violent cop and his nemesis are defrosted in a peaceful, fascist future.

The first half of this amps up the satire and is a lot of laughs. Shame the action is so uninspired. Very much a case of loud scenes where one star shoots endless projectiles at the other name who outruns them with a perturbed look on their face. The finale feels like that shot stuck on a loop. The tongue-in-cheek world building has aged far better; swearing fines, the three seashells, Taco Bell. Snipes gives flamboyant villain, often dressed as kid TV show presenter (a look that is never explained). Bullock is the highlight in a significant pre-fame role as Stallone’s 20th century obsessed partner.

6

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/