Ringo Lam directs Jean-Claude Van Damme, Natasha Henstridge and Zach Grenier in this action flick where a French cop pretends to be his long lost, recently deceased, twin brother to solve his murder.
This Christmas my wife told me she prefers Steven Seagal to JCVD!? I don’t have much truck with that. Though unintentional nonsense poems like this don’t help my case much. There are two good practical Euro car chases that bookend the “story” that match anything that happened in Ronin the year previous. Natasha Henstridge rewards those who stick with the proceedings with some brief nudity. Lam makes a good stab at pairing Van Damme off with combatants who at least feel like a challenge. It all washes over you though. Very little landing as the plot is so slapdash yet also formulaic… This is a movie that edges rather than excites the viewer.
John Woo directs Ti Lung, Leslie Cheung and Chow Yun-Fat in this Hong Kong action flick where a gangster returns comes home from jail to find the wrong boss in charge.
Nobody has burned up the screen in a supporting role quite like Chow Yun-Fat does in A Better Tomorrow. He doesn’t just steal focus in scenes, he isn’t merely handsome and cool. The entire movie shifts around him whenever he has a scene. And as good as Ti Lung and Leslie Cheung’s “brothers on opposite sides of the law” melodrama is this is the flick that made Yun-Fat and Woo action icons. The trademark two handed gunplay came about from Woo’s practical desire for his protagonists not to run out of bullets every five seconds. Heroic Bloodshed was born here… though The Killer and Hard Boiled were the more readily available titles in my local rental shops in the early Nineties. This made it to me just a little later during the Tarantino boom. Rewatching these first confident steps of the sub genre after all these years is undeniably exhilarating. Manly tragedy, volcanic emotions, slaughterhouse violence.
Andrew Niccol directs Justin Timberlake, Amanda Seyfried and Cillian Murphy in this sci-fi thriller love story where people stop ageing at 25 and die at 26… with the last year of their life as the only currency they have to trade to survive.
A strong anti capitalist message powers a neo-noir future that looks minimalist and seductive. The plot wrapped around the intriguing concept is basic and unsurprising. Logan’s Run meets your overdraft. Seyfried is scrumptious in this. She makes the otherwise mixed bag experience wholly worthwhile.
Stéphanie Di Giusto directs Nadia Tereszkiewicz, Benoît Magimel and Benjamin Biolay in this French historical true tale of bearded lady trying to make her arranged marriage work.
An obtusely sexy, romantic tale of prejudice and acceptance. Quite beautifully lensed by Before Midnight’s Christos Voudouris. Di Giusto progresses the unusual story in a pleasingly natural, unforced way.
Dan Curtis directs Jack Palance, Simon Ward and Pamela Brown in this adaptation of Bram Stoker’s classic horror where Dracula is searching for a woman who looks like his long dead wife.
Solid, unfussy period adaptation. Very Hammer but made for American telly. Is Palance a good Count? He brings an alien energy to the role. Often he seems confused but there is a gruff macho gravitas to how he steamrolls through it. There isn’t a generosity of “horror” per se but this would make fine “York Notes” if you can’t be arsed reading the book for school. You aren’t going to get caught out writing “…then he showed up sporting a goatee and cool little red sunglasses…” in your exam after this one.
5
Perfect Double Bill: The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1968)
James Cameron directs Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldaña and Stephen Lang in this sci-fi epic threequel where Jake and Neytiri’s family encounters a new, aggressive Na’vi tribe, the Ash People.
Banshee pirate raid! In terms of engaging action this is the best of the bunch. The emphasis is on peril and threat rather than spectacle and wonder. I am there for that. Who doesn’t want to see a bastard reincarnate and a witch leader hook up? Get real freaky naughty? Still three hours is draining. But we have finally got there! All the exposition and hippy dippy fauna was worth it. If this was the first entry I’d be all-in on this franchise. I’m loyal to Cameron. And I cared a lot more about the protagonists this multiplex marathon. Yet I don’t feel these factors had anything to do with nostalgia or built in affection. It just is a more adventurous, kinetic adventure. The kids on opening night loved it whenever two blue women snarled at each other. Lost their collective shit.
7
Fantastic Four: First Steps
Matt Shakman directs Pedro Pascal, Vanessa Kirby and Joseph Quinn in this MCU future retro reboot of the first family of superheroics.
The alt-Sixties blast from the past visual design of this is very cute. Good cast, less quippy. And it is completely standalone. All steps in the right direction. But… BUT… it isn’t very exciting. So close, cigar free, this ain’t the blockbuster you are looking for.
6
Wicked: For Good
Jon M. Chu directs Cynthia Erivo, Ariana Grande and Jeff Goldblum in this sequel to the musical fantasy where Elphaba, the future Wicked Witch of the West ends her relationship with Glinda, the Good Witch of the North.
Draggy filler that deflates the goodwill the first part stole out of me. They don’t let Ariana Grande’s Glinda cook. The Dorothy quest parallels / revelation just don’t work. Weak Oz.
4
Happy Gilmore 2
Kyle Newacheck directs Adam Sandler, Christopher McDonald and Benny Safdie in this belated sequel to the golf goon comedy.
So, so many cameos. And padding rerun footage from 1996 classic to explain half of them. I didn’t even recognise Eminem until afterwards when I was on the IMDB trivia. The first hour is very funny… JUSTICE FOR SHOOTER! Sandler (and the Sandler machine) at his most workable dumb settings. The extended extreme sport finale… less funny. It feels like a movie trying to justify itself to a 2025 audience when it truly doesn’t need to. It has the built-in following and it has the jokes.
7
The Housemaid
Paul Feig directs Sydney Sweeney, Amanda Seyfried and Brandon Sklenar in this thriller where the new live in housemaid has just as many secrets as her rich, toxic employers.
Holy Shit! Not erotic enough. Shithouse rat crazy wish fulfilment twists. A terribly blank performance from Sweeney when Seyfried is there, present and giving it her all. The late in the day line of dialogue that Sidney’s character is “smart enough” to beat the true villain made me laugh out loud. She ain’t shown it over the last 90 minutes. I have never witnessed such a gormless “hero” that wasn’t satirical. The only thing she be good at are gentle dusting while standing on the furniture, walloping men over the head repeatedly with heavy blunt objects and flans. I’m not a big fan of flans. Makes A Simple Favour look like Basic Instinct. But we turned up for trash and I got a bin fire. No complaints here.
5
Marty Supreme
Josh Safdie directs Timothée Chalamet, Gwyneth Paltrow and Odessa A’zion in this period drama about an unlikely table tennis player whose dreams of global domination keep getting thwarted by his shitty attitude.
I don’t care for Chalamet, Paltrow or ping pong. And with all that considered, Marty Supreme is easily the best film of the year. A heart pounding wild ride of hubris, bad choices and wriggling out of the mousetrap into another one just snapping shut. Odessa A’zion is captivating and matches our anti-hero’s freak. Had me in a headlock for 2 and half hours and just squashed my face into its totalitarian hustlin’ stress. Immaculate.
10
Havoc
Gareth Evans directs Tom Hardy, Timothy Olyphant and Forest Whitaker in this action movie about a dirty cop trapped between multiple factions of a gang war at Christmas.
Natalie looked down her nose at this throughout. Right from the opening CGI car chase. Fair shout. Yeah, that bitty sequence of meh ain’t a high point. But the later argy bargy is elite… especially in the stand out extended nightclub barminess. Hardy has been a million times better in classier romper stompers but this scratches an itch. Olyphant, even on payday autopilot, is heads and shoulders above most A-listers as a screen presence.
6
Train Dreams
Clint Bentley directs Joel Edgerton, Felicity Jones and Kerry Condon in this arthouse drama following one turn of the century logger as time moves on without him.
Fractured and poetic. Malick and Roeg seem to be the pillars this is built between. Beautiful and emotionally pummelling. Time, fate, progress, memory pull a man through history. An intimate, literary Forrest Gump that anchors itself around Edgerton’s gruff, soulful central performance. I reckon this or Song Sung Blue will eat One Battle’s lunch come Oscar night.
Brian Henson directs Michael Caine, Dave Goelz and Steve Whitmire in this meta adaptation of Charles Dickens’ perennial Christmas classic.
One of the best examples of “The Christmas Movie Boost”. It is a fine movie, ranking in quality comfortably in the middle of the charts for a Muppets production. It is funny, warm and self aware. But it ain’t the funniest, warmest or snarkiest by a long shot. Add that festive cheer though and people treat it like an all-timer, gold standard. Caine playing this as if it requires a proper Oscar Worthy performance plus Gonzo and Rizzo’s narration pump it up for me. I do desire more Fozzy and Miss Piggy in my Henson joints though. The songs are a tad meh. It is in most people my age’s annual viewing rotation when really the way superior The Muppet Movie should be their yearly fixture.
7
The Grinch Who Stole Christmas(2000)
Ron Howard directs Jim Carrey, Taylor Momsen and Jeffrey Tambor in this Dr. Seuss adaptation about the odious outsider who learns to love Christmas.
Post-Ace Ventura and The Mask, this the Jim Carrey ad libs unleashed performance we were waiting on. He got respectability and then he let it all run loose in one of ugliest studio kiddies’ movies I have seen. None of it gels together. And even if Jim is up to 11 that becomes grating when he doesn’t really have anyone to bounce off of. Kelley the dog as Max deserves a pay rise. A Christmas before nightmares.
5
Klaus (2019)
Carlos Martínez López and Sergio Pablos direct Jason Schwartzman, J.K. Simmons and Rashida Jones in this animated Christmas movie where an exiled postman and a hermit toymaker invent Christmas in an alternate history / fairy tale.
Beautiful hand drawn animation recalling the Disney Renaissance era. Alva the school teacher / love interest is straight out of the Megara from Hercules school for example. There are a few iffy anachronistic musical choice that let the magic down. Maybe it takes a beat too long to get going?
7
Silent Night Bloody Night(1972)
Theodore Gershuny directs Patrick O’Neal, James Patterson and Mary Woronov in this pre-slasher chiller where a man inherits a mansion which once was a mental home.
Weird indie seemingly hobbled together from three attempts to make spooky films around the same location. We get a cast shift every half an hour. I’m not entirely sure what happened by the end but the tone changes at every new act are welcome. It is a weird and a creepy experience, closer to Herk Harvey’s Carnival Of Souls than Halloween. Slow, impending doom and mystery. The sepia toned flashback finale is sad and unnerving. The faces of the restless mob of insane often eerily blurred.
Michael Powell and Emeric Pressburger direct David Farrar, Kathleen Byron and Jack Hawkins in this WWII drama where an injured scientist resists alcoholism while trying to solve how to defuse a new booby trapped Nazi bomb.
Made as a small scale, black and white palette cleanser by The Archers after the big arty colourful gambles of A Matter of Life and Death, Black Narcissus and The Red Shoes. Yet utterly vibrant, intelligent and mature. There are many subplots here that fuse together into two memorable sequences in the second half. Farrar spends a night battling with the bottle after the stress of work grinds him down. We go visually crazy for a minute… turning his staid blackout London flat into a surrealistic nightmare. And the finale sees him out on his own on a beachhead… hungover… and defusing a bomb that killed his colleague. A scene that grips you like a vice. He has nothing left to live for so he could (and maybe should) die. Amazingly acted. Farrar and Byron’s adult romance is tinged with sadness but has a frank heat. Great little movie.
James L Brooks directs Emma Mackey, Jamie Lee Curtis and Albert Brooks in this political comedy where a young idealistic politician’s personal life falls apart the day she is inaugurated to governor.
A very classy hot mess with some keenly witty moments but seemingly zero focus. The real buried treasure here is Albert Brooks’ seasoned glad-hander and his relationship with the titular heroine. There’s a great movie there if they dial back the noise and make the core relationship them navigating the handover. Anyway, Brooks (Albert) is pitch perfect and it is lovely to see him back for half a dozen sparkling scenes. There’s nothing too wrong with the remaining Nineties modded farce that swirls around Mackey’s (hopefully) star making performance. It is all just a bit too much. Perhaps Brooks (James L) tried to get every draft shot of the long gestating project. Using that not-quite-there-yet de-aging tech for flashback of people only in their thirties is the only true no-no. And he hits that jarring button way too many times. Strong ensemble, made for adults but still with a sense of fun, I wish we got a movie like this every month… but then I probably would score Ella McCay a little harsher. The closest movie I can compare it to is Cameron Crowe’s Aloha. Remember that one? No? It has the same fuzzy energy and I reckon if audiences had a clearer idea from the start as to what the end destination might be they’d grip onto it tighter… earlier. Both movies are worth the effort but too easy to give up on due to squirrely storytelling. Spoon feed us, for fuck sake. It is sadly essential in 2025.
Anders Thomas Jensen directs David Dencik, Mads Mikkelsen, and Nikolaj Lie Kaas in this Danish comedy where two outcast brothers discover a horrible truth about themselves and their relatives.
Very The League of Gentlemen. If you wanna watch Mads in a bad perm wig compulsively masturbate behind trees and five grown men whack each other on the head with oversized cudgels then this is the movie for you. A grimly weird comedy with some unforgettably daft moments.
Bobby Carroll's Movie Diary 