Bobby Carroll's Movie Diary

Frank Marshall directs Jeff Daniels, Julian Sands and John Goodman in this creature feature thriller where small town USA is taken over by killer spiders.

This was the first movie I went to see without parents or my big sister. My mates and me absolutely freaked at the scene when a killer spider makes it way down the wet torso of an oblivious girl in the shower. We were standing up screaming and hooting and hollering. We had such a good time, this was our Minecraft “Chicken Jockey” moment. Holds up well. It ain’t Gremlins or Jaws but has that unmatchable Amblin mood. Great jungle prologue, decent family friendly scares, spider sex scene, Goodman comic relief and Jeff Daniels is always primo.

7

Perfect Double Bill: *batteries not included (1987)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/ and my own Substack https://substack.com/@edinburghlaughterbulletin

Brett Ratner directs Jackie Chan , Chris Tucker and Tzi Ma in this rote buddy cop comedy where mismatched police officers are assigned to rescue a Chinese diplomat’s abducted daughter.

“I didn’t like the movie. I still don’t like the movie. I don’t like the way I speak English, and I don’t know what Chris Tucker is saying. If you see my Hong Kong movies, you know what happens: Bam bam bam, always Jackie Chan-style, me, 10 minutes of fighting.” – Jackie Chan

Love Jackie. Hate Tucker. Why is it even called Rush Hour? Because of the one throwaway line by a henchman?!

5

Perfect Double Bill: Rumble In The Bronx (1995)

Renny Harlin directs Saffron Burrows, Thomas Jane and Samuel L. Jackson in this shark actioner where smart predators flood and take over a scientific installation.

Everyone remembers this for Samuel L Jackson’s speech. Premium in-flight entertainment centre trash. Saffron Burrows’ “scientist” is just a pretty body to ogle but Jane and Jackson are both top value. It is essentially a soaking wet Jurassic Park in terms of formula. The kills make their way down the credits with few surprises. At the start of most scenes you can tell exactly whose turn it is to become shark lunch next. Almost like the spotlight resets onto them ominously. LL Cool J’s chef has own little bonus movie away from the doomed ensemble and that is even dumber. Burger King cinema. Everyone else does it better but once in a while you just need to check in for yourself that the Whopper still exists.

6

Perfect Double Bill: The Shallows (2016)

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Soi Cheang directs Louis Koo, Sammo Hung and Richie Jen in this Hong Kong martial arts epic where an immigrant tries to survive the gangs of lawless Kowloon in the Eighties.

A throwback to A Better Tomorrow but at triple speed and with gaudy stylings. The fights and wire work are impressive, graceful yet chaotic. The dedication in recreating the high rise slums of Kowloon with sets and CGI is laudable. And just so motherfuckers can be dropkicking each other about it too! This has oodles of plot, back story, sidebars and revelations. It can be way too dense at times. Just let the story wash over you. Philip Ng is on fire as the ambitious evil henchman and we are always going to want to see Sammo.

7

Perfect Double Bill: Limbo (2021)

John Stockwell directs Kate Bosworth, Michelle Rodriguez and Sanoe Lake in this gritty surfing flick.

It comes as no shock that actor turned director Stockwell made his bones in Top Gun. That movies’ narrative arc and Tony Scott eye for sexy visual sun warp are a touchstone here. This has aged rather well. A character study with a hard earned empowerment message. The sports movie stuff is formulaic but the life detail the envelops it are fought for and true. I can take or leave Bosworth (though physically she does bring it in all but “the world’s best surfer” impossible shots). Rodriquez and Lake are indelible, believable presences though. I have seen far worse teen flicks grow into cult gems.

7

Perfect Double Bill: Soul Surfer (2011)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/ and my own Substack https://substack.com/@edinburghlaughterbulletin

John Irvin directs Patrick Bergin, Uma Thurman and Jürgen Prochnow in this historical adventure retelling the Robin Hood legend with an emphasis on Norman / Saxon tensions post-invasion.

Muddy. Closer to the stories I read as a kid but nowhere near as slick or as fun. Bergin lacks that movie star magic but turns in a serviceable lead performance. Uma feels too young here to be his love interest. The anti Europe messaging is baked in deep. Not terrible, just redundant.

5

Perfect Double Bill: First Knight (1995)

Steven Soderbergh directs Lucy Liu, Chris Sullivan and Callina Liang in this supernatural thriller where a ghost observes a family at risk who move into a new house.

The awesome David Koepp wrote this (his second collaboration this year with Soderbergh) and it has strong Panic Room vibes. It is a one-watcher and the characters are often very unlikable but it works. Becomes very intense before the twist and feels like it is saying more about human toxicity than many a drama that explicitly sets out to do such a thing. Soderbergh also cheekily winks at us the viewer, our POV and our ability to do nothing but watch as a tragedy unfurls. Sounds pretty good, hey!? But, like I say, a classy five finger exercise that would appear to be rewarding only the once.

6

Perfect Double Bill: Black Bag (2025)

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Greg Kwedar directs Colman Domingo, Clarence Maclin and Sean San José in this prison drama following the rehearsals for a new play with the Rehabilitation Through the Arts program.

Strong, sensitive drama. The acting is deeply involving and only a fool would disagree with the messaging. It did exactly what it said on the tin and in that respect, considering the hype, I was a little underwhelmed.

7

Perfect Double Bill: Just Mecry (2019)

Drew Goddard directs Kristen Connolly, Chris Hemsworth and Fran Kranz in this self-aware horror flick where five co-eds go for a weekend in a creepy forest only for their actions to be observed and controlled for some greater evil.

To my mind the last great meta slasher movie of the cycle. In that it is a horror inspired by The Evil Dead / Friday The 13th where the logic behind the massacre means the tropes have to happen. The cliched become ritual with a live commentary track from the manipulators / production crew. But here’s the pudding… beyond all this smart alec multilayered stuff, there’s still a very strong horror movie to follow. One that goes all out zany, mega kill, freakshow-alooza for the last act. Like a sanitised, multiplex friendly House Of A Thousand Corpses. This is the closest cinema has ever got to a good couple of episodes of Buffy (hey, check out those creatives…). Kristen Connolly has definite sex appeal as our final girl but you can’t wait to get back to the snippets of snark and conspiracy from underground Mission Control. Run by the always welcome working stiffs Bradley Whitford and Richard Jenkins. They rock in this.

9

Perfect Double Bill: Knock At The Cabin (2023)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/ and my own Substack https://substack.com/@edinburghlaughterbulletin

Christopher McQuarrie directs Tom Cruise, Hayley Atwell and Pom Klementieff in this concluding chapter of the espionage franchise where Ethan Hunt and his team are humanity’s last hope against The Entity.

I am possibly too partisan to write sensibly about the final chapter of a franchise that has dominated my adult movie going life. When the opening montage of greatest moments and Hunt glorification fired up I had literal tears in my eyes within seconds. The sole big problem with Final Reckoning is it is too long and the excess is not just in the action but also in reminding us what has happened before, still needs to happen and just how amazing Tom Cruise is. I do not disagree with the self worship (he’s earned it) but it does create slack. We get two massive spectacle sequences. A near wordless underwater submarine assault course is breathtaking, while the ticking clock biplane dogfight countdown finale is simply some of the riskiest stunt work an A-List star has ever put themselves through for our popcorn munching pleasure. They are both as mind blowing and pulse raising as any beloved OTT ‘Tom’ moment in the series entire. Only on a gargantuan scale. McQuarrie knows how to sustain tension on a colossal canvas. And his now honed take on the IMF world has unlikely teams and omnipresent masterminds. Bringing us right back to his classic, gold standard script for The Usual Suspects. Only here plutonium yields replace silencers. He is in his element. Angela Bassett is back now as ‘the prez’ in a sideshow remake of Fail Safe. Klementieff steals focus constantly as the deranged killer turned good guy. It is a giddy big screen confection. Maybe one step down from the near consistent highs of the series entire but a more than satisfying full stop. Choose to accept it.

8

Perfect Double Bill: Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One (2023)