Derrick Borte directs Russell Crowe, Caren Pistorius and Jimmi Simpson in this yuppie-in-peril thriller where a stressed single mum is chased and terrorised by a man who has lost everything.

Our first trip to an actual cinema in 5 months. I usually go 3 or 4 times a week so this was a nice return to normality. We had to travel way out to the Leith shore to the only multiplex open so far in Edinburgh. Vue were taking thorough safety precautions with staggered screening times and strict ushering policies. Good for them! The lobby was deserted, with posters for Emma and X-Men: Dark Phoenix (?!) the only ones on display. No ‘Coming Soon’ quads for Tenet, Candyman or Black Widow. Though we did at least get trailers for the last two. The movie itself? A nasty blast. Crowe (who is now a screen filling behemoth) makes for an overwhelming, domineering and destructive antagonist. He masterminds a day of hell for the woman who had the audacity to aggressively beep him. Whether causing intense vehicular mayhem or making things personal in gory side missions, he proves a pretty formidable and unforgiving agent of chaos. It is almost a shame he gets his mandated comeuppance at the end… You certainly wouldn’t want to see a sequel with Caren Pistorious’ victim / hero returning. She is quite a grating, unsympathetic presence. Crowe obviously is better than all this but clearly leading roles in blockbusters have dried up for him. If Max Cady or Hank Quinlan parts are his future then more power to him. It was quite refreshing to see a full fat (in every sense) star in something quite so relentless.

7

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Alejandro Amenábar directs Eduardo Noriega, Penélope Cruz and Najwa Nimri in this Spanish mind-bending thriller where a spoilt young man meets the woman of his dreams the morning before a spurned lover of his disfigures him.

Fuelled by a desire to create confusing dream-like frames of beauty, this is a solid blend of Hitchcock and Philip K Dick. Sadly a very unlikable lead stops this from being more than a very well made executive toy. Abre Los Ojos catches the eye with its beauty and physical mystery but never really becomes more than a harsh, cold plaything.

7

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Clive Barker directs Craig Sheffer, Anne Bobby and David Cronenberg in this horror fantasy where a troubled young man, his girlfriend and a serial killer are drawn to a community of monsters living underneath a remote cemetery.

The 18 certificate unofficial X-Men movie you’ve never seen! I remember renting this and absolutely loving it. I was still figuring out if horror was for me and Nightbreed gave you all the gore and outlandish make-up FX I was cautious of but curious about. Maybe what worked for me then was it kept the real villains human. Infamous now for being butchered by the studio and ridiculously misold by an uncaring marketing team, I discovered Nightbreed organically and it has lived in my memory for three decades as an overlooked romp. This revisit with Natalie, we watched the director’s cut on Arrow blu-Ray and I don’t really think it is an improvement rather than an expansion. The first act is still jerky and disjointed… smooth storytelling and the patience to focus on one protagonist have never been Barker’s strengths. There are points in the journey where we linger way too long on certain superfluous information while other parts of the narrative leap bounds with merely a subliminal shot or a half mentioned swathe of lore to justify them. I’ll put these confusing lurches in pace down to executive interference. Scars of a troubled production. But if you’ve come for creature FX and committed mythology then Nightbreed truly delivers. The underground Midian sequences are monster mashes of a scale never achieved outside of Star Wars. And these monsters, though sympathetic, are still dangerous and threatening. It is better to let the random nastiness and elaborate carnage wash over you like a dream. Possibly casting a recognisable movie star in any of the three lead roles really would have opened this up to a wider audience. Though I’d definitely keep Anne Bobby and Cronenberg as both make an impact with their alternative takes on stock characters. Great stuff.

8

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Hirokazu Kore-eda directs Catherine Deneuve, Juliette Binoche and Ethan Hawke in this arthouse drama where an ageing movie star reconnects with her daughter and her career after publishing a dubious self-serving memoir.

A bittersweet confection that gets away with having nothing particularly new or earth shattering to say by relying on its delightfully starry ensemble. After a few days of duff sequels, this was a pleasant palette cleanser.

5

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Jon Favreau directs Robert Downey Jr., Mickey Rourke and Sam Rockwell in this superhero sequel where the billionaire inventor tries to protect his flying armour from rivals in the weapons industry.

Marvel’s first clunker… not that the stellar box office recognised that. Starts out strong – introducing villains, random threads and Scarlett Johansson as franchise lynchpin, Black Widow. Then indulgently puts them all on the back burner for scenes where Tony Stark acts like an obnoxious dick… sorry… an even bigger obnoxious dick than usual. Rourke and Rockwell are fine value as bickering villains but the script relegates them to a factory for half the running time while offering up minimal peril in their place. The unfocused script pretty much follows the Schumacher template of having two colourful baddies teaming up rather than a plot. It all ends with CGI avatars of the heroes blowing up a parade of drones with minor risk to their own lives. It is very polished and quippy and Favreau is too studied a student of the blockbuster to ever let it get boring. But he pulls out all of the entire Spielberg / Cameron arsenal to conceal the sad fact there’s no story worth telling here.

4

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Tim Story directs Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica Alba and Chris Evans in this sequel to the superhero origins story where our mutated team of scientists struggle with a shiny harbinger of the apocalypse who alters the psychics of both the Earth and the Human Torch.

A rare, actually child friendly capes and costumes adventure. It is silly, lightweight and all the better for it. While being vanilla and never colouring outside the lines, it manages to deliver followable action, obvious japes and zero-frills drama. All with a clunky, rubbery complete lack of finesse. My vague memory of the comics hit exactly this goofy, softplay, soapy tone. Story fully exploits Johnny Storm’s new infection that’s means he swaps powers on touch with other team members, the fact that Alba is an absolute biscuit to look at for pubescent boys and we get one of Marvel’s coolest icons in his only big screen adventure… so far. I bet if any of the Fox owned characters get mined first now Disney has them then it will be the Silver Surfer. Is this a good film? Nope. Would I rewatch it? Never! Does it do exactly what it sets out to? Yep, it somersaults that low bar with a bold simplicity.

4

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Michael Ritchie directs Chevy Chase, R. Lee Ermey and Julianne Phillips in this comedy sequel where the investigative reporter with a talent for improvised disguises inherits a plantation in the Deep South.

I unreservedly love the original so am never sure whether my expectations are way too high here or I’m giving a very lazy film a pass due to in-built fondness. Many of the key players are back for a new mystery, and Chase admirably for the first half never let’s a scene slide without landing a chuckle worthy ad-lib. Once the formula takes over and Ritchie tries to hit the exact same action and thriller beats of the first film, we just get a cornucopia of pointless noise and colours but very few gags or cliffhangers. The scene where Chase poses as a faith healer but is given absolutely nothing funny to do is indicative of Fletch Lives’ weakness. Andrew Bergman adapted the first film and has proven a continued success with crime comedies since. His absence is felt. Relying on Chase to solely always find laughs that aren’t there on the shooting script with limited comedy support was a gamble that doesn’t pay off this time. If you can accept this has none of the tight plotting, chiming ensemble or smarmy sharpness of its predecessor, it is an undemanding watchable product of its time.

5

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Maggie Greenwald directs Lindsay Lohan, Amanda Plummer and Brenda Song in this kids sleuthing comedy where a nosey rich girl investigates the disappearance of a well-liked math teacher.

Mindless fluff that gets lost from its own nonsense plot for scenes on end. It does at least try to comment on the opulent unreality of the posho brats’ lifestyles. Mainly an excuse to get budding star Lohan into as many killer tween friendly fashions as possible.

2

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

William Wyler directs Humphrey Bogart, Frederic March and Martha Scott in this thriller where three escaped convicts hold a family hostage in their suburban home.

The very first yuppie – in – peril movie. Creaky and slow going now, it never fully exploits having it straights in such dangerous proximity to the psychos. An ageing Bogart plays it tough one last time but you have little fear he’ll hurt the women or children. I’m sure this was considered cutting edge in its day.

5

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Quentin Tarantino directs Pam Grier, Robert Foster and Samuel L. Jackson in this Elmore Leonard adaptation where an air stewardess is caught between a life ruining prison sentence and a vicious gun dealer.

A lot of haters complained last year that Once Upon a Time in Hollywood was a movie where nothing happened. Well, here’s QT’s first experiment at that elusive pace. A lazy epic that rewards repeat viewing as you explore the perfection of forgotten stars, pressure-off big names and breakout actors easing themselves into richly written parts. Has Samuel L. Jackson ever been better… he’s one hip devil here? Have the marvellous Grier or Foster ever have such an adoring spotlight shone on them? Did any of us realise De Niro was weighing up cashing in his credibility to focus on a future of comedy vehicles and bagel adverts after playing the wobbly, mumbling Louis Gara? Smaller roles for the brilliant Michael Keaton , Sid Haig and Micheal Bowen! And Bridget Fonda stealing every scene she’s in as a bored kept brat itching to cause drama. So the low stakes, minimal violence crime plotting feels leisurely and indulgent… with acting and writing this good who wouldn’t want to float in the gentle but treacherous ocean for as long as possible? Great soundtrack and one of the best final kisses in all of cinema. An exercise in mature cool.

9

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/