Jason Statham Round-Up

The son of a street trader and a dancer, a competitive diver who sidelined into martial arts and then took up acting once his thirties approached… The Stath, admittedly, is an unlikely movie star. But then again most of my action heroes favourites are. Move to one side Willis and Gibson and everybody else seems to come physique first, charisma second and thespian abilities a distant third. At the very least our Jase can move. As convincing as a Hong Kong master when choreographed by Corey Yuen, a technician he has collaborated often and with wild success. Unlike many of the wrestlers and body builders he replaced at the multiplexes, he feels graceful and confident with stunts, shoot-outs and rough stuff. He certainly isn’t a one trick pony like some (see Van Damme’s splits or Seagal’s fast hands). A Stath film delivers grizzled hardboiled gruffness with a varied amount of pulse raising physicality. The Transporter. Crank. The Mechanic. The Meg. And when push comes to shove he can do comedy, or even romance, and he comes alive as the savvy muscle in a gangster flick, the genre where he first made his bones. Not every Jason Statham film is decent, very few are art but he has the goods no matter the budget or the ambition. And as 21st century Arnie replacements go, he wallops the mark more often than even the family friendly The Rock, the most obvious candidate for the crown and a A-lister who The Stath has his best chemistry with. I’ve had a lot of laughs revisiting his back catalogue over the past six month… This round-up is the end of that deep dive.

Revolver (2004)

Guy Ritchie directs Jason Statham, Ray Liotta and Andre 3000 in this existential crime cut-up where a just released from prison mastermind fights his demons externally and internally.

Kicked to death on release due to Ritchie overreaching beyond what people liked him for, being in love with Madonna and the suggestion that their mutual interest in Kabbalah was baked deep into the mysteries of the plot. This probably owes a lot more to Fight Club and Old Boy than it does any obscure Jewish mysticism. And while Revolver doesn’t always make sense, the experience of it is quite exhilarating if you leave your brain at the door. Ritchie has made a fantastic looking movie, pretentious but artful. His crime set pieces are electrifying. Just look at Mark Strong’s beige assassin’s last stand – told in edits and camera moves paced to the rhythm of a steady heartbeat. Nathaniel Méchaly’s score is a lost ominous banger. Liotta’s crumbling kingpin is one of his best, seediest performances. And the esoteric material might stretch Statham but he is never overwhelmed. The trapped gambler making moves within moves, through a world of genuinely vicious predators, feels more my speed than the ‘Carry On Get Carter’ mood of Ritchie and Statham’s previous beloved collaborations. Jason is the steady centre, your point of bearing through all the existential gubbins. What’s it all about? Ultimately the fears and doubts inside your head that hold you back. When Jason’s Jake Green passes his internal monologue demons onto Liotta’s Dorothy Macha it feels truly cathartic. Overdue a reassessment.

8

Wild Card (2015)

Simon West directs Jason Statham, Milo Ventimiglia and Hope Davis in the Las Vegas-set thriller where a degenerate gambler burns a lot of bridges on his way out of Sin City.

This is almost Revolver 2.0. Mainstream, user friendly, clean. The same basic plot and ultimate point with all those frustrating fuzzy edges smoothed off. Again, not a loved Statham entry due to it only having three fight sequences. But they are three corkers from Corey Yuen so in my opinion this has quality over quantity. The ‘Magnolia is Las Vegas’ plotting probably is too loose for something marketed as a fight flick. And I personally couldn’t tell the difference between Anne Heche and Hope Davis’ characters. I just thought the nice blonde lady had two jobs. All in all, this has a lovely freewheelin’ vibe. Statham grasps lightly onto the character work from a lesser William Goldman script and Stanley Tucci eats up his third act cameo appearance.

7

Fast X (2023)

Louis Leterrier directs Vin Diesel, Jason Momoa and Michelle Rodriguez in this action extravaganza where Dom’s crew of street racing super spies are framed, split up and generally fucked about with by the vengeful son of their Fast Five nemesis.

A return to form for the franchise. This hits the bonnet crunching delirium of Fast Five and whatever Six was called. It is formulated so that after an hour of ensemble action (culminating in a sexily lengthy demolition derby around Rome’s landmarks) everybody splits up and gets their own mini mission, tailored set-piece. Rodriquez and Charlize Theron escape a black site in the best individual strand, Dom races, the kid gets to hangout with Uncle John Cena in an all action road movie. Almost like a jukebox musical, everyone you care about gets their own physics defying song-and-dance number. Filmed around the stars and the hangers-on busy schedules without ever having to worry if Helen Mirren and Tyrese Gibson are available on the same week. The Stath returns as Shaw in an extended cameo, only to race off to his next mission in some future release by the second scene… it is a bit of a cheat having him on the poster or even the film in this round-up. Brie Larson collects a paycheck with one of the least committed performances from an Oscar winner in recent memory. Jason Momoa absolutely brings it as the camp, deranged villain. It is his movie and he walks off with it. Delicious. Lots of dumb fun, full of carnage and ends on a genuinely unsettling, nail biting cliffhanger.

8

Safe (2012)

Boaz Yakin directs Jason Statham, Chris Sarandon and Robert John Burke in this action thriller where a homeless man with a dark past and child maths genius try to outrun and outsmart various killer factions.

The most bog standard Stath movie covered this week. A nifty time hopping prologue sets the two leads’ joint predicament up. Then we get some top tier ass kicking on a subway train, then some lively chasing… And then the plot gets overly complicated with four separate squads of goons wanting Jase’s MMA trained (former cop / former government killer) down-and-out’s ward. Ends on an anti-climax. The first half is stronger than the second.

6

Cellular (2004)

David R. Ellis. directs Kim Basinger, Chris Evans and Jason Statham in this thriller where a dude picks up a random call on his mobile phone from a kidnapped woman and cannot hang up until he rescues her family.

Perennial anti-hero The Stath as an out-and-out villain? Nah. His stock role is too underwritten and his Umerikan accent too forced for this to be his movie. Top billed Basinger also struggles with a weak part and repetitive dialogue. The meat of the movie sees Chris Evan’s everyman racing about, trying to keep signal bars and battery levels up as he disrupts the naughty villains. It is more accidental comedy than crime thriller but it passes an evening with little touching the sides.

5

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

Movie Of the Week: A Nightmare On Elm Street (1984)

Wes Craven directs Robert Englund, Heather Langenkamp and Johnny Depp in this classic VHS-era horror where if you fall asleep Freddy gets you.

Best watched near the edge of exhaustion. Shifting reality-scapes, unpredictable dream logic and truly surreal nightmare fuel. It feels like an exploitation flick grafted on to a fairy tale, a suburban satire that has become overgrown and baroque. The ceiling evisceration. The bath time nap into oblivion. The phone tongue. All are as much symbolic rapes as they are mystical murders. Englund plays this Fred Krueger seriously, he’s nasty in looks and unpredictable. His toying with his teen prey is there to up the fear factor rather than is played for cheap gags. Who knows where the franchise might be long term if they held on this harder iteration of the boogeyman? Obviously first timer Johnny Depp keeps catching the eye… but I have a big old, long-held soft spot for Heather Langenkamp. She might not be RADA trainer or Playboy material but she has a medieval princess look transposed into a mallrats wardrobe. And her character enthusiastically embraces being THE FINAL GIRL trope, constantly sleuthing to figure out Freddy’s weaknesses and then going full blown domestic Rambo when it comes to taking him down. A horror classic.

9

Perfect Double Bill: Wes Craven’s New Nightmare (1994)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Hypnotic (2023)

Robert Rodriquez directs Ben Affleck, Alice Braga and William Fichtner in this mind bending chase movie where a cop tries to stop a hypnotist who makes innocent citizen rob banks and is somehow involved in the kidnapping of the hero’s daughter.

Robert Rodriquez’s first boring movie. Quite surface level ambitious but feels limited by budget and lack of originality. There are big world changing twists at the start of both the second and the third act… none of which will surprise you massively. I definitely preferred it when it was just a frazzled cop versus a spooky master criminal crime flick, to be honest. Rebel Rodriquez score at least pumps a bit of thrust into the proceedings.

4

Perfect Double Bill: Paycheck (2003)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

The Little Mermaid (2023)

Rob Marshall directs Halle Bailey, Jonah Hauer-King and Melissa McCarthy in this live action remake of the Disney Renaissance classic.

Ugh. Swings between ugly and murky digital miasma to faded Fatface high street surf shack tones. The one highlight is Kiss The Girl… you could say Under The Sea matches the energy of the original number but the anatomical sea life dancing chorus is nightmarishly Cronenberg-esque. The leads are bland, pretty… Bailey has decent set of pipes on her. Melissa McCarthy is well cast but smothered by some of the worst CGI animation to find its way into a wide release recently. Javier Bardem is comically intense, especially when he has to stand still in a water tank, glowering damply, for two extraneous epilogues. All the extra plot bobbins added, add nothing. I don’t want to be part of this world.

4

Perfect Double Bill: Beauty And The Beast (2017)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Tron: Legacy (2010)

Joseph Kosinski directs Jeff Bridges, Garrett Hedlund and Olivia Wilde in this belated sequel to the rebellion inside a video game cult favourite.

Perfect surfaces glide towards nothing slowly. Cod-philosophical exposition. Daft Punk score. Olivia Wilde looks nice. There’s very little here to cling onto. Like the original if you’ve seen the trailer you’ve already gotten all of what the full length experience had to offer. Boring.

3

Perfect Double Bill: Tron (1982)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

Scandal (1989)

Michael Caton-Jones directs John Hurt, Joanne Whalley-Kilmer and Bridget Fonda in this British dramatisation of The Profumo Affair where a British MP and possible Russian spy were revealed to be sleeping with the same model.

This made a big impact on release when I was young. Like most mainstream movies that dabble in sex it couldn’t possible live up to its horny reputation. Sure, there are a dozen nude extras and unconvincing body doubles but it is hardly Showgirls. What the movie does get right is the seedy atmosphere of underground London circa the early Sixties. A world where the rich and powerful indulge their illicit whims behind closed doors and in their secluded country houses. You can tell the establishment is due for a nasty shock, their hypocritical apple cart is ripe to be upturned. Yet the two key characters caught at the centre of the eventual storm, Hurt’s Stephen Ward and Whalley-Kilmer’s Keeler, remain enigmatic. You never know what their true motivations are. Making their decisions, appetites and martyrdom a little inert over three acts. Blaming the whole tabloid furore that brought down a government on them is unfair. But the injustice never really kicks in to life. It all feels a bit procedural… and very sad.

5

Perfect Double Bill: The Look Of Love (2013)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

A Woman’s Secret (1949)

Nicholas Ray directs Maureen O’Hara, Gloria Grahame and Melvyn Douglas in this mystery where a singer shoots herself yet her manager tells the police she did the deed… flashbacks ensue.

It might not be the most memorable film ever… kinda soapy noir… but with these top drawer leading ladies it proves a solid one-watcher.

6

Perfect Double Bill: Film Stars Don’t Die In Liverpool (2017)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

High Crimes (2002)

Carl Franklin directs Ashley Judd, Morgan Freeman and Jim Caviezel in this courtroom thriller where a tough lawyer realises she doesn’t know her husband all that well when she has to defend him for war crimes.

As a movie this doesn’t work – Judd and Caviezel are too bland to care about and their characters are as about as consistent as jelly with bacon bits in it. But it is an airport novel courtroom thriller, no matter how garbled, no matter how slick looking… I like that party. AND the support cast of Freeman, Amanda Peet and Adam Scott are bringing it big time. So not a complete write-off.

5

Perfect Double Bill: Double Jeopardy (1999)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Return From Witch Mountain (1978)

John Hough directs Bette Davis, Christopher Lee and Kim Richards in this Disney sequel where those alien good kids visit L.A. – Tia joins a gangs of cute rough boys and Tony gets kidnapped by a mad scientist and his benefactor.

Full of cheesy SFX and broad, gentle humour. The kinda movie that was in heavy rotation at holiday camps and kids clubs on rainy days when I was a lad. Finds time for a comedy goat and a timely nuclear meltdown finale. Held up better than I expected.

6

Perfect Double Bill: Escape To Witch Mountain (1975)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

Firestorm (1998)

Dean Semler directs Howie Long, Scott Glenn and William Forsythe in this forest fire action flick.

Hard Rain meets Backdraft. William Forsythe’s enjoyable evil, overly capable villain breaks out prison using a forest fire as his cover to disappear. Howie Long (who played American football and was unmemorable as one of John Travolta’s goons in Broken Arrow) makes his failed bid to be the next Steven Seagal. Rote dialogue, coy action, sloppy edits. Firestorm makes good on very little that it sets up and is far too orange thoughout. Has the colour palette of an Outspan and all the thrills of peeling one.

2

Perfect Double Bill: The Taking Of Beverly Hills (1991)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/