Massimo Dallamano directs Fabio Testi, Cristina Galbo and Camille Keaton in this Italian giallo where a killer is sticking his or her knife into a group of bitchy Catholic school girls in London.

One by one a killer is stabbing a group of schoolgirls in their unmentionables. Prime suspect is the hot Italian gymnastics teacher… whose underage mistress might have witnessed the first kill while they were punting and necking. He needs to clear his name but with entire faculty made up of creepy, lecherous red herrings and the girls all clearly hiding something big, he has little chance of keeping ahead of the twists. Then there’s a shock death long before we can even see the plot’s finishing line. As a potboiler mystery this is pretty decent. As exploitation it doesn’t make half as much of its seedier plot point than as half mentioned clues. This is intended for the sleazy – let us see the sex rings and affairs. And the kills lack tension. Another giallo that resembles an episode of Inspector Morse, this needed more set pieces, less talk. Ennio Morricone score, London location work.

6

Perfect Double Bill: Tenebrae (1982)

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Hal Hartley directs Robert John Burke, Bill Sage and Elina Löwensohn in this US indie road movie where two brothers go searching for their counter culture revolutionary father, who has just escaped prison, and find two restless women instead.

Simple Men is a movie that has been on my ‘To Watch’ for a long old stretch. Now we’ve watched it, an overriding sense of déjà vu suggests I almost certainly watched it in my teens. Possibly at a time when I had no idea who Hal Hartley is or what this movie was. For example, I expected it was going to be a subversion of the musical, and while there is one great dance sequence to Sonic Youth, such a wonderful scene does not a genre movie make. It comes out of nowhere with minimal build up. Yet you could kinda could say that’s where the comedy comes from. These deadpan, near lethargic, characters experiencing extreme moments of drama yet reacting with the same spaced-out flatness. The distance between the characters and the viewer and the director is felt. And maybe that is why, for to brief a while, Hartley was a Generation X posterboy. His movies share the same detachment from life and events and feelings as many of us experience. We were the first generation so in touch with our feelings that we didn’t see the point in reacting or over emoting – the terminology for what we are going through has already been set in stone so why waste time on it? Boomer critic Roger Ebert had a real problem with this cool coldness. “The word for this kind of movie, I think, is postmodern, which means that it has been manufactured primarily for the purpose of deconstruction, just as crossword puzzles are written to be solved.” Yet there is no solution… you could try and shake out a deeper meaning than the events on screen and the half articulated dialogue. If I were, I’d say Simple Men is about what masculinity means in a world of absent fathers – where the extremes of what you’ll grow up to become are heartbroken robber and slacker student. Or faith. There’s lots of ironic potshots at Catholicism. But I really do think there is no deep message here. Just a tale that needs to be told by characters with no need to spell out their feelings, goals or hopes. Simple Men lives in its own moment, a moment that can be sweet, boring, silly and pointless.

6

Perfect Double Bill: Bottle Rocket (1996)

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Ga-Young Jeong directs herself, Tae-Hwan Choi, and Seok-Hyeong Lee in this Korean indie comedy where a filmmaker has an affair with the man she doesn’t fancy (but once had a fling with) to avoid starting an affair with the married man she actually is attracted to.

Talky and self reflective, like a Woody Allen or a Hong Sang-soo but not without some nice moments. Does feel a little tenuous even at only 70 minutes long. Ga-Young Jeong has a likeable, frisky enough screen presence that I’d watch her again in something else.

5

Perfect Double Bill: Tale of Cinema (2005)

Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

George A. Romero directs Lane Carroll, Will McMillan and Lynn Lowry in this indie infection thriller where the US army quarantine a small town that are turning deadly from a new virus.

Made on a shoestring but ambitious, this probably needs half a dozen more moments where the townsfolk go creepily nutso. What does work really well is the second half – we follow a ramshackle band of survivors as they try to break for the border… not always sure who is cracking under the exhausting pressure and who is actually infected. With a bigger budget this might be the best evolution of the trad zombie movie. As it stands, the slick Timothy Olyphant remake actually improves on the potent concept. The Crazies is the kinda movie that plays out better in your memories than when you are actually sitting through it.

6

Perfect Double Bill: The Crazies (2010)

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Takashi Miike directs Riki Takeuchi, Show Aikawa and Renji Ishibashi in this scuzzy Japanese Yakuza movie.

The opening six minute flash edited montage of depravity and death sets the tone. The longest cocaine snort ever, noodle full guts bursting, foil-wigged stripshows. The rest of the movie meanders with only the expected but still quite off putting lurches into the extreme gaining your full attention. There’s definitely at least one scene here to turn your stomach. Once it settles down, it eventually is a mere cheap Heat knock-off. Show Aikawa is all kinds of cool as the stoic cop. The ending jumps the rails of reality.

6

Perfect Double Bill: Battles Without Honour Or Humanity (1973)

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Lucio Fulci directs Patrick Magee, Mimsy Farmer and David Warbeck in this U.K. set giallo that updates Edgar Allen Poe’s classic horror tale.

Quite reserved and staid by normal giallo standards and certainly one of Fulci’s calmest. The fact this often resembles an episode of Inspector Morse is no terrible thing. The animal wrangling work is marvellous and the deadly black cat is as cute as a button and full of personality. Not the most intense experience but quite classy.

7

Perfect Double Bill: Cat’s Eyes (1985)

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Tim Burton directs Johnny Depp, Martin Landau and Sarah Jessica Parker in this fifties-set Hollywood biopic of “the worst director ever.”

Howard Shore’s score shifts from ominous age of the atom wail to Tiki lounge playfulness, the two minute credits feature stop motion creature FX with a budget no doubt higher than any of the subject’s productions, Stefan Czapsky crisp black and white cinematography capture the sunny locations of old Burbank and Wilshire Boulevard. I’m in. Every time. You could see Ed Wood as a finely made, very witty and well cast celebration of the life and works of Hollywood’s “worst” filmmaker but really it is all about acceptance. Acceptance of transvestitism. Acceptance of addiction. Acceptance of failure. Acceptance of harmless bullshit. Acceptance of compromise. Acceptance of the penniless dream. I’ve seen Ed Wood’s movies; they are strange and cheap and incomprehensible and really cheap but they do have vision, ambition and charm. They take conservative genres and instead of producing exploitation they become quite humanist. You can laugh easily at all the wobbles and fudges but I’d rather a little personality over professionalism. And Wood’s output leak eccentric charm in spades. Burton’s movie really wants to celebrate the chutzpah of making movies no-one asked for with the bare minimal tools required. He wants to celebrate a community of freaks and drop outs who bandied together and became a little house band of tat.

The rich tapestry of characters produces a showcase for a seemingly never ending parade of juicy deadpan acting. Depp wins with his most recognisably personable lead – the cute dreamer and striver. Landau earned an Oscar in a very tight year and his foul mouth Bela Lugosi deserved the trophy. Lisa Marie’s Vampira shines in the most well written, complex female role. We follow her begrudging fall into being part of the Ed Wood no ring circus over the course of the movie yet she retains her abrasive dignity throughout. Bill Murray steals every scene as drag artist buddy Bunny Beckridge. The always welcome Jeffrey Jones has wonderful mid ground larks as larcenous fake psychic Criswell. Vincent D’Onofrio’s cameo as Orson Welles provides an excellent third act coda. And Patricia Arquette has the best scene as Wood’s second wife in what seems like an underwritten role at first glance but contains angelic moments of silent serenity and support.

I’ve often grumbled about the people who sneer at Wood. After all what have they ever made? The most profitable mass market repackager of the camp and uncanny clearly has a true love for this Tinseltown aberration… so why shouldn’t we? A marvellous warm hug of a movie.

10

Perfect Double Bill: Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959)

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Steven Spielberg directs Ansel Elgort, Rita Moreno and Rachel Zegler in this musical remake about the star crossed lovers caught betwixt the New York street rumbles of the Sharks and the Jets.

Much like Hitchcock and Scorsese, Spielberg has made so many classics over the years, that the standard with which one judges a later work can be cruelly strict to the point of perverse. Almost like the princess and the pea, you lie on a finely made bed, restless for any bump or shift that can cause discomfort. After all, you know this year’s project probably will not be another Jaws or Raiders so a whole new metric is needed. So you need to justify how far off a film is from those flawless diamonds, a comparison you’d never put the cinema of a lesser director through. And we have his remake of West Side Story. Lavish, the lovingly crafted work of a consumate professional. But also inessential. A few songs are swapped, characters motivations are tweaked. But aside from the prestigious care put into this production there’s very little to qualify it as a necessary remake. Spielberg hardly reinvents the musical genre, the only thing he really adds to the big hits are scale and a hundred extras. The Wise / Robbins original actually seems quite punkish and daring in comparison. And by keeping the setting in the early Sixties, one does wonder who is this for? Even the star, Ansel Engort (not the best singer in the world), had his big teen hit almost eight years ago. His fanbase have outgrown him. Luckily the support cast of unknowns are top notch with Ariana DeBose and particularly Mike Faist standing out. Yet as much as I enjoyed every move Speilberg makes, bedazzled by the polish… I just can’t see a future situation where I choose to watch this over the original. That feels again like an unfair measure but what if Nolan or Villeneuve in their dotage decided to remake Jaws or Raiders and the result wasn’t half as exciting? You’d struggle to recommend such a venture, as I’m struggling with this. Still his staging of (I Want To Live In) America has got the blockbuster goods and there’s nothing on either side of this genuine showstopper you’d dare call boring. This West Side Story is perhaps Spielberg’s most visually stimulating movie since Jurassic Park. The colours pop… but again the palette is a classy, vintage faded homage to the Oscar winning classic’s even more daring use of red, yellows and white we saw back in 1961.

7

Perfect Double Bill: War of the Worlds (2005)

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Valdimar Jóhannsson directs Noomi Rapace, Hilmir Snær Guðnason, Björn Hlynur Haraldsson in this Icelandic folk horror about a couple who raise a lamb as if it were their own child.

The slow, achingly slow, drip feed of information works wonders here. It is a very simple film… it could be music video and still contain most of the plot developments with time to spare. I thought it was pretty much perfect but do wonder how rewatchable it would be once you know just how pure a dark fairytale it is? It really is just all atmosphere. But as Russ Abbott sang “I love a party with an atmosphere.” An ominous gem.

8

Perfect Double Double: Little Otik (2000)

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Johannes Roberts directs Kaya Scodelario, Neal McDonough and Donal Logue in this prequel / reboot to the horror video game adaptation series where a town is taken over by infected monstrosities.

Move over Silent Hill – the best videogame adaptation of all time has arrived. That still is quite faint praise. This prequel certainly isn’t original or often more than competent. There’s some terrible CGI, stringy acting and a meh finale. Yet in the main this apes Carpenter / Cameron / Romero better than most. In fact if you imagined a bastard mix of Assault on Precinct 13 and The Crazies you are pretty much there. Some of the creature design is fantastic, especially the “good monster.” I’d definitely rewatch it if I was channel surfing through telly options late at night. It hits the above average zombie shoot-out standards of say 28 Weeks Later or Overlord. Fun…solid… undemanding… And with some pleasingly macabre bursts.

7

Perfect Double Bill: 30 Days of Night (2007)

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/