M. Night Shyamalan directs Dave Bautista, Ben Aldridge and Jonathan Graff in this apocalyptic thriller where four strangers invade a family’s holiday home asking them to make a sacrifice to save the world.

Like most Shyamalan movies this is about taking a twisted leap of faith. If you can’t – your world turns to hell. If you can put aside your logic and cynicism, well… M. Night can keep making his extended spins on The Outer Limits / Twilight Zone. And I want him to. As even though he is very hit and miss, even though the deadpan, declarative style of acting he encourages is off putting and even if he’s not really given a chance by a big corner of film fandom… there is something quite worthwhile in the niche he furrows. The opening sequence between Bautista (exemplary) and seven year-old Kristen Cui is electric, full of foreboding and tenderness. Jarin Blaschke’s celluloid cinematography is lush and deep. The title theme by Herdís Stefánsdóttir and choice of credit font really sets the tone. Think Eighties VHS shop era sleeper. I’m not saying Shyamalan manages to sustain the thrills or keep you out of your own headspace throughout. But it’s a pretty rattling thriller at its peaks, one that could easily inspire the next generation of Jordan Peeles or Robert Eggers.

7

Perfect Double Bill: The Cabin In The Woods (2011)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Jean-François Richet directs Gerard Butler, Mike Colter and Tony Goldwyn in this action movie where a pilot and a prisoner must rescue the passengers of a crashed commercial flight.

Surprisingly good. The action is handled with a rare sustained straight face – closer to a really good pair of episodes of 24 or Arnie’s swing at drama in Collateral Damage. Certainly Plane is never cute and that helps the intensity. Pretty much every movie Jean-François Richet has made has scratched a genre itch for me… and that makes me want to revisit his Assault On Precinct 13 remake with evolved expectations.

7

Perfect Double Bill: Assault On Precinct 13 (2005)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Todd Field directs Cate Blanchett, Nina Hoss and Noémie Merlant in this character study of a lauded classical music conductor who is revealed to be a horrific human being… but ultimately a human being.

Tár has the rhythm of a slowly dying metronome. It starts in big overlong swings, sequences that take up a reel, then they gradually shorten so that the finale is told in rapid glimpses. I’ve reached that regretful point in this awards season where I have got my favourites (Babylon, Aftersun, TG:M) and any gold bait movie released in their wake is going to have to do something pretty special to not wither under their shadows. TÁR is very accomplished and tackles some prescient themes but it didn’t hook me and I felt quite disconnected and wearied by it for huge swathes. Technically I’m not going to fault Field too harshly and just accept his long gestating magnum opus wasn’t for me. Yet I would argue you could start the film over one hour in and not really lose any nuance or plot. There are big issues about self image, gender, #metoo, whether the artistic ends justify the totalitarian means… but all are covered with a more compelling clarity elsewhere. Many will be drawn to Blanchett’s performance but she has always been a bit of a Streep to me… acting for actings sake, glacial, when I want a full fat genre movie with with a full fat genre movie star. I will give credit to the few spikes of unexpected horror (a jog disturbed, the neighbour’s plight, the black dog basement, the final surreal audience) but I could and did leave pretty much the whole meal on the side of my plate. Too cold, too calculated, way too long.

5

Perfect Double Bill: Notes On A Scandal (2006)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Steven Spielberg directs Michelle Williams, Paul Dano and Seth Rogen in this ‘fictional’ coming-of-age drama based tightly on the iconic director’s childhood and family.

Nothing but love for Spielberg but his memories of a middle class childhood aren’t exactly the most fascinating. Unhinged but hot mom who he clearly wants to fuck. Steven Spielberg had envisioned Michelle Williams as Mitzi, the character inspired by his mother Leah, ever since he saw her performance in Blue Valentine… Hmmm! His fictional proxy, Sammy, easily gets whatever resources he needs to follow his dreams. Mild antisemitism from bullies, one of whom sees the error of his way in the narrative’s most unbelievable moment. “My daddy divorced my mummy… when I was only 17!!!” There’s not really a movie here, more a period drag episode of Dawson’s Creek… and I say that with upmost respect for Dawson’s Creek. Williams and Dano aren’t exactly stretched by the material… the only really fun performances are from an underrated Rogen, newcomer Chloe East as a nutty romantic interest and that last scene cameo. Now, the epilogue to The Spielbergs is wondrous, a real punch the sky, leave the theatre with a massive smile on your mush, showstopper. And there are half a dozen other decent scenes that are dotted throughout, mostly about amateur movie making, meaning The Spielbergs is never boring or as whiny as it could come across. Yet, he could have made the fifth Indiana Jones movie without having to defer to George Lucas’ mad suggestions for the first time in his career instead of this… Fine but inessential.

6

Perfect Double Bill: Avalon (1990)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

McG directs Tom Hardy, Chris Pine and Reese Witherspoon in this spy action comedy rom-com where two CIA spies, who clearly love each other, fight over the same civilian lady.

How could you cast THESE three leads and make such a dull, rote movie?

4

Perfect Double Bill: Knight & Day (2010)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Teinosuke Kinugasa directs Masao Inoue, Ayako Iijima and Yoshie Nakagawa in this Japanese avant-garde drama about a guilt-stricken man who maintains a job at an asylum with hopes of being near his imprisoned wife.

Japanese silent movies were accompanied by benshi (live narrators) to help explain the plot. The streaming version of this movie had no such accompaniment and was damn near incomprehensible. Some haunting imagery saves it.

4

Perfect Double Bill: I’m A Cyborg But That’s OK (2006)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Penny Marshall directs Geena Davis, Tom Hanks and Madonna in this period sports comedy about the WWII women’s baseball league set up to entertain the folks when the boys went to war.

“There’s no crying in baseball.”

Here’s a sweet movie that’s cultural footprint is improbably bigger than the quality of the actual product itself. That’s no shade towards the sleeper hit of 1992 but its impact on popular culture seems to have outlived that of even the summer’s big hitters (Lethal Weapon 3, Patriot Games etc.) (also, no pun intended). Watching gentle feminism – somewhere between Germaine Greer and Geri Halliwell – was still a pleasant rarity in a studio release back then. Tom Hanks was taking his tentative steps away from comedy into serious romantic leads and even serious-er prestige roles. Hard to believe he wasn’t a fully fledged A-Lister at this point given the consistency of his releases. His shuffles towards mega stardom, post-Big, were subtle and faltering – irascible Jimmy Duggan was the first quantum leap that got him to the rarefied position where he still is today. Madonna also, at last, found another role that played to her strengths. So much stronger in a showy support rather than having to carry the movie. She provides a nice ballad as well in “This Used To Be My Playground.” Overall, it is a lark to watch though never rises above the set course that most sports movies run around. Watchable, afternoon friendly, but you have to wonder what the makers of Boomerang, Far & Away and Unlawful Entry feel about a slightly inferior package standing the test of time over their own 1992 summer releases.

6

Perfect Double Bill: Let The Girls Play (2018)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Woody Allen directs Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Scarlett Johansson and Emily Mortimer in this crime thriller where a tennis pro romances his way into a wealthy family only for his lusts to thwart his ambitions.

One of Woody’s coldest films. It doesn’t really work as a mystery because everyone is such a selfish, grating prick that you don’t care how all the messy bonking and perfect murders pan out. Crime & Punishment for the 1%. There’s definitely a barbed subtext about the rich being less creative / infertile / incestuous that I haven’t the patience to unpack. Having said that… his London location work is splendid, ScarJo looks delectable as fuck in her pure white outfits. A regular Lana Turner. It is a class act with a hot girl, undemanding to watch even though you can tell Woody is straining towards some deeper evaluation of the human race, so bonus points for all that… Still it could do with losing twenty minutes of runtime.

7

Perfect Double Bill: Scoop (2006)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

James William Guercio directs Robert Blake, Billy Green Bush and Mitchell Ryan in this counter culture motorcycle cop thriller.

Feels like exactly the kinda movie that Tarantino might have devoted a whole essay chapter in Cinema Speculation too. A movie for us short guys… I would like to think the ultimate take home is because Blake’s ambitious, hardworking runt doesn’t have the natural physique of a fascist bully, and therefore has developed his own morality and emotions, it makes his traffic cop all the better at his job in terms of keeping his cool, engaging with people and giving the local barmaid a good fuck… She, Jeannine Riley, gets a barn storming, game changing scene at the midway point, rarely afforded the T&A of such anti-establishment flicks. The cop stuff / mystery is the least intriguing part. This is a character study, a sign of the times movie, with little dedicated bursts of chase action. Conrad Hall’s interior cinematography is fantastic, memorable framing, unusual angles… the exterior stuff looks epic. Not fully sure about Blake as a leading man (there is something creepy about him… beyond his unusual for a movie star height). Still, his character proves fantastic advertising for us little guys, certainly in terms of destroying the “short man, short temper” myth. The ending elevates the movie to a whole other level… a moment where he breaks his strict code is keenly felt followed by one of the most impressive sustained shots in cinema history. A final dolly that makes you feel all the emotions. Like an empty jug, it allows you to pour everything you’ve been thinking and feeling into a safe space.

8

Perfect Double Bill: Magnum Force (1973)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Nobuhiko Obayashi directs Kimiko Ikegami, Miki Jinbo and Ai Matubara in the Japanese horror comedy where a group of schoolgirls vacation in a possessed house.

Absolutely bonkers. The Evil Dead meets some Saturday morning kids cartoon put on fast forward. Pretty much every trick shot and daft joke is plopped through the meat grinder. Exhausting but hard not to love for its bonafide cult particulars.

“Any old cat can open a door. Only a witch cat can close one.”

8

Perfect Double Bill: The Boxer’s Omen (1983)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/