Rob Marshall directs Johnny Depp, Penélope Cruz and Ian McShane in this soft reboot where Jack Sparrow and Barbossa embark on a quest to find the elusive fountain of youth, only to discover that Blackbeard and his daughter are after it too.

All the elements are here but it seems strangely focussed on static pageantry rather then propulsion. Get them all on a desert island by the midway point and… then… just… stop. Very sterile. Wasn’t shocked to see Marshall (a musical director) had taken the steering wheel over from Verbinski. One understands blockbuster kinetics and the other understands costumes and blocking. Cruz is a superior love interest / booty rival for Depp. She is surprisingly big and bouncy in this. Turns out she was heavily pregnant during the shoot. While she is the best thing in the movie (even better than the Jack Sparrow Show, which is growing quite tiresome) perhaps someone of equal stature who didn’t need to be filmed standing still and only from the cleavage up might have been a better shout for a franchise famous for its extravagant action set pieces. Dead in the water.

3

Perfect Double Bill: Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar’s Revenge (2017)