Bobby Carroll's Movie Diary

David Creed directs Tamaryn Payne, Emily Wyatt and Sian Abrahams in this British horror where four girlfriends find themselves in a “Wicker Man” lite kinda situation.

We had an early afternoon train to catch and this was the only new release that fitted our time constraints. Little did we know it might be last cinema trip we will take in the near future… our lives… maybe forever. Before bigger events overtook this terrible choice of a matinee trip, I would have still hands down said it is THE worst film I’ve paid to see at a cinema. Sub-Hollyoakes production values, Babestation casting, acting and writing that belongs in porno. Every scene is set-up in exactly the way a bit of barebones plot driven hardcore might be. I expected them to start undressing and tribbing or rimming or at least heavy petting each location change. That doesn’t happen. Neither does any horror. There’s at least an hour of inane soap before a bit of mild terror imagery is trotted out and then it really is all over at a plot point where most genre films are just getting started. Abysmal.

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Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Jay Roach directs Mike Myers, Elizabeth Hurley and Michael York in this spoof of Sixties Swingin’ Spy flicks where a sexist gentleman espionage lothario from that era finds himself resurrected in the modern, self aware 1990s.

I remember going to see this with two mates from college and having an absolute blast. From the deranged escalation of the spot-on credit sequence to the delirious pop rock closing number about the BBC. But then ubiquity, and sequels, and morons spewing catchphrases and endless self parody made it all seem rather naff. Whenever I watched 10 minutes in a hotel room it had seemingly lost its charm. So sitting down and devoting time to watch it teeth-to-tits 20 years later, I was incredibly surprised at how packed it was with good gags, weirdly inspired moments and warm heart. Elated! It is not as brilliant as Wayne’s World but far better than the relegated drawer my mind had filed it away in. I laughed a lot… I wanted to watch it again immediately. AP1 is also far superior in action, cool, sexiness and larks than the very movies it spoofs (Bond excluded). I know Goldmember is awful but I might give The Spy Who Shagged Me a second go. Or Shrek. Probably not The Love Guru though. GROOVY, BABY!

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Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Ingmar Bergman directs Gunnar Björnstrand, Ingrid Thulin and Max Von Sydow in this Swedish arthouse tale of a priest wrestling with his doubts and the fragility of his small community.

Natalie kept telling me it is like First Reformed, needling me to watch it. She was right – it is beat for beat without the vigilante eco warrior aspects. A really absorbing drama. Possibly the first Ingmar Bergman I’ve enjoyed more than admired. Like Almodóvar persevering through the catalogue of “a great I don’t rate” has finally paid off. This is a superb piece of dry, intelligent cinema.

8

Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Bong Joon-ho directs Kim Hye-ja, Won Bin and Jin Goo in this thriller where a woman investigates the murder of a school girl her simpleton son has been accused of.

Class satire, Hitchcockian wrinkles and dysfunctional families. Exactly what you expect from Bong Joon-Ho. This lacks the focus of his best work… the hopping from incongruous tones does not work here, the plot holes are more glaring and the meandering pace does not suck you in like Parasite or Memories of Murder. Not something I’d give a second chance to, although flashes of brilliance are there.

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Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

John Madden directs Penélope Cruz, Nicolas Cage and John Hurt in this adaptation of Louis de Bernières’ literary sensation about a WWII romance in occupied Greece.

A whipping boy for critics and book fans on release, this turned me off on initial visit. There’s a lot wrong. A Greek set prestige production with glaringly barely any Greek actors in speaking parts. The beats of the novel stuck to even when they do not flow cinematically. Which is strange as the more adult, tragic edge of the hit novel has been allegedly softened. And two very ungainly performances from guaranteed unrestrained screen chewers Cage and Christian Bale. These boys don’t do subtle. And yet on this lazy, half arsed rewatch… it is Cage’s warm, largesse that saves it. The film looks gorgeous, Cruz is sympathetic… why wouldn’t she be woo’d by the wild eye, unashamed ham bristling with oomph? “Bella bambina at-a 2 o’clock!” I was this time. Not the write-off you once thought. Don’t treat it as an Oscar contender, watch an easy peel, mindless pap weepie. It hits a nice saccharine spot. Well done, Nic.

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Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Jeff Wadlow directs Lucy Hale, Maggie Q and Michael Pena in this reality bending horror where a group of buffs visit and island that makes their wishes come true and nightmares come-a-chasing.

This did not have my full attention, I nodded off a few times. What I did see was polished but not particularly tasteful. I never felt lost by the constant twists or rug pulls yet there are some good surprise character actor introductions. Any film that springs Michael Rooker AND Kim Coates on you midway is worth a watch. I didn’t see enough quirkiness or shock that I would endeavour to revisit Fantasy Island again to fill in my dozing blanks, nor would I write it off as unwatchable or unworthwhile. Uneven and maybe a nautical mile out from being deranged or inspired enough to recommend.

4

Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Terry Gilliam directs Adam Driver, Jonathan Pryce and Joana Ribeiro in this fantasy where a commercials director finds reality and myths and his past blurring when he revisits the locale where he shot a student film of Cervantes’ classic.

Sad to think that we waited 20 years for such an indulgent, compromised, dull and incomprehensible brain fart. The cast is likable and there are glimpses of Gilliam’s unique visual fingerprints. Yet not enough to make this worth enduring. If it was made in 2000 when Gilliam had his combo bar filled green with a decade of unqualified successes… who knows? I bought a cinema ticket for this. Watch the doc of the original troubled production instead!

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Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Ildikó Enyedi directs Géza Morcsányi, Alexandra Borbély and Réka Tenki in this Hungarian arthouse romance about two quiet slaughterhouse workers who discover they share the same dream.

Lonely people. Boredom. Flashes of cold brutality. Subtle acting and a passive element of mystery keeps this watchable. It will not be for everyone but it is directed with such unwavering vision that you do feel like you have watched a movie afterwards. Frustrating but admirable.

5

Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Charles Crichton directs John Cleese, Jamie Lee Curtis and Kevin Kline in this crime farce where a stodgy barrister finds himself seduced by the American femme fatale of a group of London diamond heisters.

Torture by chip, sex scenes in basic Italiano and dog homicide. This was a favourite of mine as a kid. Much like Trading Places, you love the enthused ensemble so much you just crave the next set-up where some new variation of them will collide. The jokes in Wanda fade to the background, punchline is not the priority, the broad and eager star acting takes forefront. Kline goes full volume, Cleese is slightly wistful, Michael Palin proves the vulnerable monster and MVP Curtis is a mysteriously complex but still seductive hottie. The rhythm and warmth they create as they bounce off each other is movie magic. This has the larky structure of an Ealing comedy, the anarchic legacy of Monty Python and the bounce of an Eighties yanks V limeys culture clash. The jubilant, brassy score by John Du Prez is a hidden marvel. A Fish Called Wanda might not do much for audiences outside my generation but the nostalgia it evokes and familiarity it delivers is like a warm cuddle. A cuddle where a man stuck in concrete is run over by a steamroller and a glamorous moll dryhumps a rope while listening to Basil Fawlty spaff Russian!

10

Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Leigh Whannell directs Elisabeth Moss, Oliver Jackson-Cohen and Harriet Dyer in this sci-fi thriller where an abused woman does not believe the controlling man she has escaped is actually dead, rather he has found a fantastical new method to be part of / destroy her life.

This is what a great night at the movies is all about. The first half is all creepy tease, the second cannonball plotting and engaging set-pieces. Whannell slyly evokes The Exorcist, Candyman, Terminator 2 and Misery in his most audacious narrative riffs and visual callbacks. Moss is TV’s finest working actor but this is her first accessible movie star shift… she sells the scenes where she is isolated, and smashes the moments when her grip on reality crumbles. The pair of them chime well off each other. More please! I want to discuss lots about the twists and sequel potential but do not want to get too spoilery. I may revisit this on the blog next year? So this week I’ll close saying I don’t think it will be a shock to anyone that an invisible man eventually is revealed. His design and movement is going to be iconic… a mixture of the T-1000, a golf ball and a glitching hologram. Some intrepid cosplayers are going to have a lotta failed attempts trying to recreating this new horror landmark.

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Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/