Adam Wingard directs James Allen McCune, Callie Hernandez and Brandon Scott in this late legacy sequel to the found footage horror classic.

About an hour into Blair Witch I had all but tapped out. We had dutifully trodden over old ground but without the sense of dread. No local giving us impromptu ghost tales on trailer park corners and no character you got the feeling existed outside the first and last page of the screenplay (all annoyingly played). The moment I (almost) abandoned the film is where a character climbed a tree for a drone she had never shown an interest in before… when she had yet to give more than one human facial expression about her now long missing boyfriend. Why not look for him instead? It betrayed an ensemble more concerned with their updated filming tech than each other. And these were no thrown together strangers… so let them break and die and disappear as quickly as possible I say. Put me out of my midpoint misery! The original terrified as you genuinely shared the amateur filmmakers confusion and paranoia about being lost in neverending woods with something intangible toying with them/us. This update foolishly attempts to introduce rules to the Burkitsville mix. E.G.Time and space loops into a trap when you sleep in the woods, the witch is only lethal if seen directly. The first is wasted – delaying us in one forest clearing for too much of the running time. The second has merit but does this premise thrive on logic? No, mystery and our brains filling in the blanks with our own imagined fears should be the order of the day. But then we finally get to the rotting old house and Wingard finds himself and delivers. 20 minutes of sustained spookiness, tension and cursed glimpses of the Black Hills babe herself. If we reached this exciting gear shift twenty minutes earlier and then moved onto another new step for the cherry on top, Blair Witch might be a worthy sequel. Given this is the second cash-in on the phenomenon, I’m more disappointed in Wingard than the tainted series itself. You’re Next and The Guest showed a scrappy young craftsman wanting to obliterate your genre expectations. This unexpected follow-up merely passes by the skin of its teeth.

5

Taika Waititi directs Sam Neill, Julian Dennison and Rima Te Wiata in this comedy where a naive delinquent and a closed off misanthrope hide out in the New Zealand wilds.

The kind of naturally funny and utterly charming movie that I know I’ll struggle to put into words quite why it is so successful. Like Groundhog Day, Stand By Me or Tremors it is so gently seductive and lovingly crafted you’ll forgive the occasional lurching shifts in tone and moments where the budget does not quite match up to the ambition. We are talking about a pure, unadulterated crowd pleaser. The ambition is worn openly on this film’s sleeve – no wasted moments or lazy shots when something impressive can be attempted. If you’ve seen Waititi’s What We Do In the Shadows then you’ll know of his ability to cast perfect improvisers effectively into seemingly broad parts and pace mundane dialogue to become quirkily warped for consistent laughs. The adventures of odd couple Ricky Baker and Uncle Hec (Sam Neill is always great value), plus dogs Tupac and Zag, will no doubt become a cult favourite you’ll relish recommending to the uninitiated.

8

Baltasar Kormákur directs Denzel Washington, Mark Wahlberg and Bill Paxton in this action throwback to 80’s buddy cop movies.

A welcome blast of stale air – so nothing overly original happens, and who cares? The leads have chemistry and thrown into the testtube is the right mix of shootouts, explosions, twists, banter, bonding, callbacks and even old school R-Rated titties. It all feels on point, satisfying if never excellent. Humour might not be Denzel’s forte but the script (originally developed for Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson) carries him while Wahlberg, who is a dab hand at being goofy beefcake second fiddle by now, keeps him in rhythm. In fact, if you just judged this on the opening act I might even say it holds a candle to Midnight Run or The Last Boy Scout… yet over its full course 2 Guns makes the mistake of keeping its many, many villains all in play until the end. Meaning although pleasingly chaotic, their comeuppance and the heroes victory feels one note in the closing Mexican stand off. A smile inducing entertainment and right up my street.

7

 

 

Matt Ross directs Viggo Mortensen, George MacKay and Frank Langella in this road trip that follows a survivalist / humanist family reentering modern American society to attend their matriarch’s funeral.

Summer’s gone and with all the blockbuster disappointments out of the way we get yet another small scale, emotionally resonant adult movie (the second in two weeks). Is this the future? September is now the only month where anything without FX shots but maybe containing a good story and a decent ensemble gets penned into together to fight it out for scraps of audience? Either way this funny, moving little picture told with intelligent confidence has much to say about parenting, capitalism, modern society, death, grief and what it takes to be an adult. Viggo is better than he has been anytime else as the hardline but loving Dad, committed to raising his children with a holistic value system even it means cutting them off from luxuries and other people. He’s always felt like an awkward actor outside of The Lord of the Rings Trilogy so it is a delight to see him carry a movie with his intense, manly presence. But it is MacKay, as the eldest son struggling to see what his next step in the world is now he no longer has to stay in the family commune lifestyle he has wholeheartedly embraced, who stays with you after. He hits great laughs in his fish out of water interactions with girls his own age and you care about the quiet turmoil he faces in trying to align his long held belief system with wanting to venture away and experience life. The colourful, well read, feel good flick of the Autumn.

8

Douglas Trumbull directs Christopher Walken, Natalie Wood and Louise Fletcher in this tale of corporate skullduggery around an invention that records and shares experiences.

Quite possibly the worst film I have watched in a decade. The first hour spins its wheels with blah blah blah over redesigning the headset of the mind recorder doohickey and subdued boardroom meetings about its applications. Then we get various negative examples of its use, a hacking sequence where the security guys just let the hacker hack in “just to see if he is as good as he really thinks he is”, then a bit of corporate espionage mainly in a hotel hallway, then a slapstick grand finale which appears to come straight out of a Macauly Culkin movie with guards falling about in foam and accidentally being picked up by rampant forklift trucks. Walken is subdued… Everyone else seems to be working from differing scripts. Insultingly glaring product placement abounds… The worst scene being when Walken pops downstairs to eat a large bag of Ruffles leaving a psychotic break inducing tape on his headset for his son to accidentally experience. So inelegant, directionless, pointless and lacking any iota of value that you can see why MGM tried to claim the insurance on it as an aborted production when Natalie Wood’s died towards the end of her filming schedule.

1

Alfred Hitchcock directs Henry Fonda, Vera Miles and Anthony Quayle in this true story of a family man wrongly identified and tried for a series of hold-ups.

A real curiosity from Hitch rather than a frothy or taut entertainment this is almost a docudrama following the mundane bureaucracy of being arrested and charged in the 1950’s US justice system and the draining effect that being accused has on a family financially and mentally. It all proves very dour and depressing, Fonda’s convincing but frustratingly staid lead turn doesn’t help with the watchability. I understand Hitch wanting to turn his incomparable craft to the reality of what it is like to be charged and processed (at times the proceedings feel like an atonement for the romps he made before and after; when being falsely accused would be start of some great romantic adventure rather than a drawn out affair that drives timid housewives to madness) and if it wasn’t for his mastery of image and editing this would be a solely depressing view. Despite the low score (for a classic by a favourite director) I feel a revisit in a couple of years, with expectations adjusted, might shunt this up a few points eventually. It is a superbly crafted film… I was just expecting it to be something else.

6

James Wan directs Kevin Bacon, Garret Hedlund and John Goodman in this yuppie turns vigilante after a gang randomly murders his son in an initiation killing.

Made back before Wan became a box office behemoth with the Insidious and The Conjuring franchises, this oft compelling B Movie amps up a Death Wish basis with his own Saw aesthetic. The opening half hour establishing Bacon’s Risk Analyst’s love of finding order in the chaos and idyllic family life (what sounds awfully like Christian Rock abounds) takes the wind out our sails a little but then scenes of escalating violence and threat occur that reveal a callous disregard for keeping key characters alive. Once you realise no one is untouchable the movie has quite a cutting energy. Wan shows off when he can (he’s the current master of building tension then maintaining it even after big shocks), most of the low budget must have been splurged into an on-foot chase that relentlessly follows Bacon along endless alleyways, kitchens and the various floors of a carpark structure. Bacon also is grand as the man out of his depth who eventually dehumanises himself to the gang’s level to settle the score. Shame the naughty boys themselves seem to have come straight out of a particularly PC comic book rather than having any basis in reality. You almost wish the scenes where they interact were sliced out and you just feared them for their frankly terrifying actions. Pluses and minuses tallied up: Death Sentence occasionally outgrows its own throwaway nature but never consistently flourishes, yet there are a hell of a lot of worse ways to spend a Friday night if you can stomach it all.

6

Travis Knight directs Charlize Theron, Art Parkinson and Matthew McConaughey in this animated tale of a child warrior trying to outrun the clutches of his black magical extended family.

Visually this is mighty impressive stuff, with rarely a beat passing that isn’t sumptuous, kinetic and lovingly crafted. But as adventure romps go it can be slow moving and slightly alienating, the humour is also obvious and falls flat. The level of care and detail that has gone into Kubo gives me pause, it is a finely manufactured piece of fantasy cinema – undeniably so. As with so much animated product these days, I just did not connect with it on a personal level.

5

Phillip Noyce directs Sharon Stone, William Baldwin and Tom Berenger in this sex heavy mystery set in an apartment building with hidden cameras in all rooms.

Uneven and uncertain, Sliver is a terrible film on just about every level yet it proves campily enjoyable and occasionally even titillating if you demand nothing more from it than forgettable glossy beauty. Sharon Stone is saddled with a poorly conceived role of passive mystery solver, ethical voyuer and frigid career gal – her motivation and personality slalom about from moment to moment and she’s at her best when she just mentally goes “fuck it” and reprises her Catherine Tramell persona from Basic Instinct. The reshot second half is achingly obvious, with hairstyles and outfits changing between scenes that can only occur five minutes between each other. Three drastic makeovers in one murder heavy night for Shazza by the end. Any whodunnit? aspect is made a mockery of by the painfully obvious reconstructive surgery that has happened to the original plot. In fact the murderer’s identity doolally seems to have so little effect on the populating cyphers it is almost more like a seagull that randomly swoops in to peck at the dump we are staring at, rather than an internal motor to keep this ramshackle machine in motion. It also doesn’t help that Stone has the difficult choice of lovers / suspect between two distinctly unappealing leading men. There is either “might as well be wearing A Raper of Women t-shirt” Berenger, or Billy Baldwin’s creep, who at this point has lost his boyish looks and resembles a melted version of his more talented older brother Alec. This review reads like a 1, doesn’t it? Yet the costume design, sex scenes, surface level framing are all quite tasteful if you let the illogical context wash over you and, like I say, Stone is always extremely watchable even if she could easily be playing four different parts that just happen to all look like Sharon Stone. Shame this was the pinnacle of her stardom, she deserved better vehicles a la The Quick and the Dead. As it stands Stone and some upper class eye candy make this better than it has any right to be.

5

Timur Bekmambetov directs Jack Huston, Toby Kebbell and Morgan Freeman in this remake of the classic biblical era epic involving slavery, chariot races and the Christ. 

One of those movie experiences that does very little wrong but equally fails to excel in anyway. Two big screen action sequences are solid and the performers likeable and convincing even when having to rush through chapters worth of character arcs in a frustratedly truncated couple of short scenes. Huston only really shows his uniquely coiled star power (a la his Boardwalk Empire breakout part) when in the ship galley pulling oars to the beat of the drums, while Kebbell gives good villian when he’s not having to justify his nastiness nor muse on the error of his ways. The more expansive and unforced Chalton Heston version outshines this noble time passer in just about every aspect.

6