Greg McLean directs John Gallagher Jr., Tony Goldwyn and John C McGinley in this efficient Battle Royale in an office block thriller. 

Neat and gory. A simple, unpretentious murder fest. It lacks that invention or that escalation such an endeavour really needs for me to wholeheartedly recommend it to those not into their schlock… but for The Belko Experiment’s  short, nasty runtime I personally was gripped. Lots of likeable C-listers fill the lobby too which never hurts such an outing.

7

 

Michael Reeves directs Boris Karloff, Catherine Lacey and Ian Ogilvy in this Swinging (west) London chiller about old witches who possess a young man.

There’s lots of reasons why this might outwardly prove appealing to the modern horror fan. Late Karloff, cool hip period scenes of miniskirts and sideburns, shades of recent horror successes Slade House (the last David Mitchell novel) and Get Out in the set-up, and being one of the rare ‘other’ works by Witchfinder General director Reeves. But nothing all that interesting actually happens despite all that intriguing pedigree. As it trundles along I found solace in trying to place the pre-Westway hometown locations. And I doubt there are many of you who can scrape that nerdy pleasure from this flat, mechanical chiller.

4

Ted Kotcheff directs Gary Bond, Donald Pleasence and Chips Rafferty in this lost Australian shocker about a teacher waylaid for a weekend in a sinister outback mining town. 

Firstly, get ready to see more schooners of beer consumed in one feature length flick than you ever thought possible. A heroic, thirst creating effort. One of those rare, big screen experiences where an hour in you still have no idea what direction the queasy, disturbing narrative is headed in, even if the destination eventually proves to be a little standard. The journey though is a squallid, paranoid treat. An intelligent expoloitation flick which skirts with rationalising fate, ambiguous sexualities and a disgusting sequence of offensive animal harm, your buttons are going to be pushed however you approach it. Effective casting, a cracking credit’s theme and some of the most evocative location cinematography complement a genuinely captivating mystery. And one early line of dialogue by Pleasance’s sage-like bum rings true in life as it does the entire philosophy of the movie: “Discontent is the luxury of the well-to-do. If you’ve got to live here, then you might as well like it.” Words to live by. Have a beer, mate!

8

 

 

Takashi Shimizu directs Megumi Okina, Misa Uehara and Misaki Ito in this Japanese horror hit about a cursed suburban house. 

Overrated nonsense both times I’ve tried it. The IMDB trivia page revealed this is actually the third film in the series which might explain why so much of the discordant mess seems to assume you know far more than you do. Just a series of barely connected random scare sequences which never really exceed the potentially creepy setting. Whack a bit of Hideo Nakata or Takashi Miike on instead. Unless you have a thing for kids slathered in white make up.

4

 

Leo McCarey directs Deborah Kerr, Cary Grant and Cathleen Nesbitt in this classic romance weepie about a playboy and a nightclub singer who fall for each other on a cruise ship that happens to be bringing them both back to their respective betrothed. 

I finally figured Jeff Goldblum’s universal appeal out while watching Cary Grant in this golden classic. When Goldblum’s first started headlining movies he seemed like some unheralded, never seen before personality. But in actuality him and Grant are a DNA match. Gangly, mahogany skinned charmers, exuding suave, intelligence and arrogance, reading lines with a wink and a wince as if they cannot believe uttering such contrivances are their well paid jobs… and with the constant underlying current that something decadent and debauched will be going on in their hotel suite that night and you’d be invited if only you were cool enough. Grant has his perfect foil here in the definitively elegant and worldly Deborah Kerr. She is quite simply perfection in everything I’ve seen her in. As the white telephone machinations of the plot play out you get the feeling this is far from an innocent souffle. The characters and incidents skirt as close to adult and permissive as a big Hollywood confection could in 1957. For all the witty repartee and classy innuendo, the singing orphans and tragic gloss this is quite a progressive romance… pure as the driven snow compared to what was being made a decade later but equally quite unashamedly aroused compared to anything from even a year before. A shimmering magic pervades every moment, none more so than the subtle sequence of foreshadowing when the pair take an early ten minute time out from flirting to visit Grant’s grandmother. Clearly all the characters know this is the last time they’ll see her and it is never spoken aloud, just silently acknowledged and luxuriated in. The iconic moments involving Empire State Building rendezvous and sofa ridden reunions revived by Sleepless in Seattle are brilliant but that ten minutes of heartfelt interaction, nostalgia and mournful joy… Wow! About as good as the fil-lums get.

10

Terry George directs Oscar Isaac, Charlotte Le Bon and Christian Bale in this epic romance set around the Armenian massacre.

Worthy intentions, a strong cast and a Leanian epic sweep cannot help the overriding sensation that is purposefully aiming for solid rather than special. George’s earlier Hotel Rwanda had a real urgent, desperate energy distinctly missing here. Many of the soapy convulsions that bubble up are resolved by the very next scene, meaning the romance and tragedy never sustain themselves.

5

James Cameron directs Ed Harris, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio and Michael Biehn in this submarines make contact with aliens action romance. 

Cameron’s most mature spectacle. It still delivers all the tech heavy effects work, Man versus Machine adventure, roughneck dialogue,  save the world hippy dippyness you’d expect from the King of the World. But it also amps up the adult romance to a satisfying degree so that Harris and Mastrantonio go from Grant / Hepburn Hawksian barbed banter to moments of heart wrenching sacrifice on a par with THAT famous scene from The Last of the Mohicans. The titular Abyss refers as much to these two crossing their gulf of anger at each other and reuniting as partners as it does about aliens hidden down ocean trenches. Nukes, submersible battles, flooding gangways and galactic tsunamis aside, Cameron’s least popular epic has a uniquely captivating adult drama at its very core. It is kick-ass intense too.

10

James Gunn directs Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana and Dave Bautista in this sequel to the tongue in cheek a-holes save the universe smash.

Remember when we got two or three blockbusters a year? Now I just look forward to a rare week off. Maybe this review is tainted a little by mega-spectacle product fatigue as whatever negatives I am about to write the underlying point is GotGV2 is tons of daft fun. I was sold by the Lethal Weapon 2/3 inspired teaser where characters banter over a very dangerous bomb, Gunn’s riff on that old ruse proved to be a great advertisement yet again. And for the first hour Gurdians delivers exactly the same orgasmic rush as a Lethal Weapon sequel; an ensemble you already love, with a well established chemistry, bantering in a series of episodic adventure sequences. This first hour is a gooey, colourful buzz of entertainment. Everyone rocks… Bautista, Baby Groot and Michael Rooker’s Yondu especially. It is in the final half the party lurchingly flags. An overlong spaceship dominated finale, heroes Pratt and Saldana seem sidelined, bonus Kurt Russell loses his human form (big mistake as he’s perfect when he is actually on screen). It is not terrible but it noticeably is not on a par with its predecessor nor the preceding hour of hoot and heehaw. To look at another famous sequel, franchise shepherds often refer to Empire Strikes Back as the pinnacle of follow ups. That the fact it not only gave us more but went darker shows us the right way to expand a beloved hit. But look again at Empire Strikes Back. It has no plot. Hereoes get split up, go on seperate jaunts, reunite a little changed and matured. There’s no MacGuffin, no new threat, no finish line to race towards. The subplots are a means to an end to spend more time with the characters you love in a universe you want to explore. The first half of Guardians 2 embraces this ideal, the second half rejects it to tie the most elaborate knot to bind it all together and make it feel like an intentionally wholemeal tale. Knot tying is not fun.  Silly, as it could have gotten away with just being a mixtape of cool, self evicerating, visually trippy moments. Like for example that glorious credit sequence of Baby Groot dancing while chaos unfurls around him. Or the five brilliant credit post credit stings… scenes that have little bearing on any grand narrative but serve as great irreverent punchlines. That’s how Guardians works best, giving the whole thing arcs and conclusions gets in the way of the fun. Just let em be the ragtag bunch of space pirates everyone ridicules, everyone needs.

7

Warren Beatty directs himself, Lily Collins and Alden Ehrenreich in this period romance that explores the Howard Hughes myth. 

A strange and uneven experience this… but one I personally found quite appealing. It shifts uncomfortably between farce, straightfaced romance, character study, business drama and a treatise on breaking free of societal constraints. The opening half hour moves at a tremendous clip. 20 seconds scenes knock into each other conveying whatever piece of plot information, character establishing or punchline they need to then moving swiftly away. And when the much talked about yet so far unseen Howard Hughes finally arrives (much like Rick in Casablanca – older masculine irrestible American ideal meets a sort of capitalist fairy godmother) we slow the ride right down to spend as much time luxuriating in the star turn from Beatty. Indulgent? Yes. Worth the wait? Even more so. It is a fantastically pleasing bit from the aging charmer, managing to keep Hughes’ motivation in the shadows while exposing his well documented eccentricities to harsh light. So the star crossed kids are a bit underdeveloped, they still chime with each other and look nice. So some of the plot points are muddled so you have to go on Wikipedia after to figure out how certain inconsequential characters had major bearings on the final outcome. So it probably needed one editor and one producer rather than twenty to reign it all in. You get a glimmering look at the final days of the golden age studio system, you get a nice song scene just like a movie from that period would always serve up and you get to play spot the major star in a one line role every other scene. You even, after all that pace and content, get a montage of people enjoying their packed lunches – like a little rest area in the middle. Rules Don’t Apply… never has a film been more appropriately, and if you are generous like I am about to be, admirably titled.

7

 

Michael Curtiz directs Bette Davis, Errol Flynn, and Olivia de Havilland in this historical romance between a dutiful Queen and a proud Earl who privately adore each other but publically seem heading towards lethal loggerheads. 

A lovely bit of glorious technicolor this. Bette Davis scorpion kicks the ball in the net with a queen that is stroppy, spiteful, paranoid, romantic, shrewd and vulnerable. It is an absolute powerhouse of screen acting, so much so that whenever we leave her chambers for battles or the machinations of ambitious courtiers the movie noticeably flags. Flynn cuts a dashing, charming romantic interest but he is often left treading water in Bette’s churning wake.

6