Alan J. Pakula directs Julia Roberts, Denzel Washington and John Heard in this John Grisham thriller where a grad student accidentally hypothesises the true reasons behind a conspiracy and becomes a target for assassins.

I read The Pelican Brief in a tent and on the backseat of my parents’ car on a summer holiday in Dorset. I was gripped by the twists and turns, the corridor of power plotting and the near miss escapes. None of that intrigue and constant threat translates well on the big screen though. Roberts and Washington have no chemistry and share little screentime together even if they did. The occasional dashes around carparks and fairgrounds seem random and perfunctory. The conspiracy doesn’t even register – lots of boardroom and oak bar stool chit chat in hushed tones. Glossy yet slow – this has aged poorly.

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Mike Barker directs Pierce Brosnan, Maria Bello and Gerard Butler in this yuppies-in-peril thriller where a kidnapper forces a couple to break the law to win back their daughter.

I get bored typing how unlikable a lead Butler often proves to be. This is a nadir even for him. The better actors don’t make much out of their stock roles either. The stakes never really get raised high enough that you worry they’ll not survive. Brosnan’s puppet master is way too forgiving. A nasty little thriller that isn’t nasty enough to thrill… and therefore deathly pointless.

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Agnes Varda directs Valérie Mairesse, Thérèse Liotard and Ali Raffi in this musical drama focussing on two women who follow divergent lives during the Womens’ Movement.

A radical feminist who drops out to sing in a travelling band and a single mother who rebuilds her life cross paths again and again over a decade. Enriching each other’s happiness while sharing different outlooks on feminism. The artistic hippy Pauline / Pomme becomes an increasingly annoying caricature as time marches on (some scenes are almost spoofs to modern eyes) but I know that isn’t Varda’s intention. Liotard’s Suzanne however has a far more appealing journey – shifting from near destitute cautionary tale to a practical force for positive change in other womens’ live. Liotard’s story and role is so attractive you kinda grow to hate Pomme’s warbling bullshit and selfish romances that keep interrupting the more captivating subplots.

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Louis Malle directs Jeremy Irons, Juliette Binoche and Miranda Richardson in this sex drama in which a Tory MP starts a near wordless affair with his son’s enigmatic fiancée.

Of interest only for the unappealing rough bonking between two prestigious actors… so silly that it actually scuppers the film. Outside of those rhythmic contortions there’s very little heat. It is very much a cold fish. Inevitable tragedy strikes and it is brutal. Natalie said it reminded her of the first few minutes of an episode of Inspector Morse stretched over two hours and that’s on the nose. You meet the posho players, get a vague idea of their relationships, watch their opulent yet boring lifestyles, a cruel death… but then no sleuthing. Miranda Richardson shines as the betrayed wife getting a hell of a final shot in. So much care and craft has gone into this, that is should be better, sexier and entirely more gripping.

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John Huston directs Kirk Douglas, George C Scott and Dana Wynter in this mystery where a master of disguise bumps off various big name stars also in disguise.

A dated Hollywood con job. There are some of the decade’s true titans of cinema hidden under latex, only revealing themselves in a post credits bow. You come for the stellar cast but only Robert Mitchum really puts in anything more than a sniggering cameo. You do get plenty of toplining Scott and Douglas though… so what more could you ask from a movie? The detective plot works fine, although I never really got truly involved.

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William Dieterle directs Rita Hayworth, Stewart Granger and Charles Laughton in this biblical epic where the princess of Galilee returns to her homeland a sexy adult… stirring up lusts, plots and insurrections.

Stodgy but colourful. Hayworth looks fantastic but her character is fatally softened from the head demanding shrew of history to a sympathetic pawn in a political game. A pawn who eventually performs a lovely dance of the seven veils.

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Terence Young directs Michael Caine, Susan George and Laurence Olivier in this Cold War spy thriller were an ageing defector has plastic surgery so he can return to London and settle scores.

Dull and directionless. Squanders a slumming it cast. Only some good West London location work sticks in the memory.

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Scott Stewart directs Adrianne Palicki, Paul Bettany and Dennis Quaid in this quasi-religious apocalyptic horror where a heavily armed angel, a pregnant diner waitress and a few survivors are besieged by possessed hordes.

Derided on release, this is the epitome of slick, CGI fuelled action with a few well played unsettling moments. There’s some business with a ravenous old lady and an ice cream man (Doug Jones cameo alert) that will chigger in your brain. It moves like a four issue comic book arc, conjuring up a serviceable ensemble, violent fantasy and a plausible last stand. I would never suggest Legion is an undiscovered treasure, or even worth seeking out but it killed 90 minutes in a brash, competent way. I’ll probably now give Priest by the same team a try somewhere down the line based on this watch.

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Stan Winston directs Lance Henriksen, Cynthia Bain and Jeff East in this hillbilly gothic horror where a grieving father unleashes a vengeance demon on the city kids who killed his son by accident.

This was one of those terrifying posters in the video rental shop of my childhood, a movie that existed as a nightmare in my imagination, unsullied by the realities of its actual limitations until now. A gory adult fairytale with excellent practical FX. Of course it has, it is directed by creature feature guru Stan Winston. Henriksen puts in a dedicated shift as the emotionally distraught dad. Florence Schauffer makes a good impression under mountains of make up as the hag who controls the curse. The kids though are rote, annoying and mere cattle. It looks pretty sweet, has some surprisingly humane moments but never really scares or escalates beyond its basic premise. Worth seeking out even if you won’t fall in love with it.

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Scott Spiegel directs Robert Patrick, Duane Whitaker and Raymond Cruz in this cheapquel where a group of bank robbers find themselves being turned one-by-one by the Titty Twister’s Mexican vamps.

Not a patch on the Tarantino / Rodriguez original and with only Danny Trejo’s Razor Charlie returning for a cameo. It is inessential and blocky… still, Robert Patrick makes a good masculine straight-man for all the quirky hoods and monsters to bounce off of. Spiegel tries to enliven things with off-kilter framing and plenty of neon but pretty soon you realise that that’s all he really has in his arsenal. Fine for a few beers.

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