Catherine Hardwicke directs Gina Rodriguez, Ismael Cruz Córdova and Matt Lauria in this south of the border cartel thriller where a make-up artist is trapped between the cartel, the uncaring D.E.A. and the corrupt police.

Unconvincing shenanigans. You’d be far better off watching a couple of episodes of Better Call Saul or Narcos back to back.

3

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Elizabeth Banks directs Kristen Stewart, Naomi Scott and Ella Balinska in this soft reboot of the glamorous female spy adventure series.

Diluted uninspired action, weak jokes and forced feminism only for the beautiful. Hey-ho! If I were a teenager I’d still love this. Ella Balinska is painfully wooden but for balance it is nice to see actual movie star Stewart cutting loose and having larks for once. Forgettable but let’s not pretend its predecessors were anything more than disposable fodder also. Nothing about it, good or bad, apart from maybe its expensive sheen, really attaches itself to the memory.

5

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Barry Sonnenfeld directs Anjelica Huston, Raul Julia and Christopher Lloyd in this remake of the sixties TV series featuring a loving family of creepy and kooky ghouls.

The production design is amazing, the script bleakly witty and the casting spot on. In order of perfection, we have eternally spirited Raul in first place followed by a precociously misanthropic Ricci and then Huston and Lloyd in joint third. The sheer enthusiasm they all display in what was an infamously troubled production is a credit to them. Released exactly when I was getting seriously into cinema, this should mean as much to me as say Beetle Juice or Jurassic Park. For some reason it doesn’t… I’m fond of it, I appreciate all its strengths but I rarely revisit it. Absolutely no idea why I personally can’t embrace it fully. There’s no logic to the below score as on paper, moment to moment, this is a wonderful supernatural comedy.

7

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

John Turturro directs himself, Bobby Cannavale and Audrey Tautou in this spin-off from The Big Lebowski where the lilac bowling pederast goes on an erotic road trip.

One of the strangest projects to emerge in years. A three scene character from a cult classic leads an American remake of a completely unrelated dated French favourite containing some very toxic masculinity. It is the equivalent of casting Ned Ryerson from Groundhog Day in a remake of Day of the Jackal. One of the most unfairly maligned too. 1.9 average rating on Letterboxd, 21% on Rotten Tomatoes!? Yet it is a warm, dirty pleasure – full of laughs and character actors you love seeing let loose. It is easily the best thing Tautou and Cannavale have done since their breakthroughs and Turturro clearly relishes giving his scene stealing miscreant Jesus Fontana a feature length spotlight. While no The Big Lebowski (and what is), it is even an improvement on Bertrand Blier’s source material, Les Valseuses. I can’t wait to watch this again in a double bill with The Dude.

8

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Marguerite Duras directs Delphine Seyrig, Noëlle Châtelet and Nathalie Nell in this arthouse bore where a series of stilted, repetitive conversations about a villa being up for rent and an absent husband’s infidelities are drowned out by a looping instrumental ditty.

Interminable. I only read a third of the later subtitles. I’m thinking of cancelling my MUBI subscription if this is the best they’ve offered up in 10 days!

1

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Steven E. de Souza directs Jean-Claude Van Damme, Raul Julia and Kylie Minogue in this video game adaptation about a group of fighters who square off against a hostage holding dictator.

I pumped so many 30ps and then 50ps into the arcade cabinet hidden between the magazines at the rougher newsagents near us. More often than not only to last two short rounds against the kids who spent entire weeks playing as Ryu or Ken exclusively. They’d laugh when you picked E. Honda or Dhalsim… and considering how they had mastered their characters more devastating moves, they were absolutely right to. The film came out long after the Street Fighter II craze had settled down. And while it slavishly does try to include every character (a few purely, others crowbarred in in almost unrecognisable forms) the overcrowdedness muffles any simple pleasures. Jean Claude Van Damme sits the middle act out, he has to, there are just that many pointless subplots. And all these characters are shunted into an overarching story that involves… barely any street fighting. The competition format is ignored… an Enter the Dragon style plot surely would have fitted this cash-in like Vega’s clawed glove. Instead we are left with a toyified adventure – way too cartoonish for adults but way too violent for kids. Raul Julia makes for a full fat parody villain but in the service of a project that only knows one type of rubbery dildo-esque excess. Far from PERFECT!

2

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Herbert Wilcox directs Anna Neagle, Trevor Howard and Marius Goring in this true life WWII espionage biopic about a British single mother who became an undercover spy supplying the French Resistance.

A rather stolid take on what should be a fascinating story. Everything is stiff upper lip and fair play. Except some awkwardly filmed torture that lingers on the perpetrators faces uncomfortably. There’s a similar film called Carve Her Name With Pride that retells the heroics of another real life volunteer that is far more cinematic and action packed.

5

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

George P. Cosmatos directs Roger Moore, Telly Savalas and Elliot Gould in the WWII caper where prisoners of war on a Greek Island rope their good German warden into a heist.

A lot of snobs look down their noses at this one but (while nowhere near The Great Escape God Tier) it is a perfectly grand Boy’s Own lark for all its dated compromises. Rog is a lovely gent as always who just happens to be wearing the enemy’s uniform. Half hearted accent aside, you know implicitly he’s a good egg from the start. He and David Niven take a classy back seat for the second half which is action, action, action. Seventies on-location destruction derby-a-go-go. Rhodes gets torn up… Shaft throws grenades, Ross’ Dad chases the SS in an incongruously blistering motorcycle chase that matches 007’s finest stunt work and Kojack is a bad ass resistance monk. The Girl From U.N.C.L.E. does a PG striptease for Mr Bronson from Grange Hill. Claudia Cardinale runs a cheeky brothel! Silly ensemble work gives way to explosive spectacle. What else do you guys want from your expensive yet cost cutting afternoon filler? An anachronistic advert from the Greek Tourist board to come visit the locations set to specifically commissioned disco music? Well… just guess how this barmy charmer ends?

7

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Hirokazu Kore-eda directs Hiroshi Abe, Satomi Koboyashi and Kirin Kiki in this Japanese family drama where a feckless detective spends a final weekend with his estranged son and moving-on ex.

The first hour is quite pleasurable, as much a formless week in the life of scuzzy private investigator – softball crimes, cheap cons and bottom tier sleuthing – as a sophisticated soap. The familial elements that add coarseness to this shaggy dog enterprise snap into focus in the second half. The embattled weary relations of our back-on-his-heels loser find themselves trapped in a cramped flat. A storm rages outside. Ultimatums are made, sad realisations finalised… and a little bit of hope and back pedalling is left with us at the credits. I’m not going to lie and pretend the gambling and unethical behaviour of Hiroshi Abe isn’t what I enjoyed the most but for you purer arthouse heads there is plenty of cooking, furtive looks and tender moments too.

6

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Hettie MacDonald directs Glen Berry, Scott Neal and Linda Henry in this London romance where two council estate lads fall for each other.

A small but significant film. The acting is variable but it makes its points with a subtle sophistication. Home life is given more credo than street life, bullying becomes a background irritant rather than a plot driver for the romance, the estate itself isn’t all grim and brutal… people have jobs and passions away from the obvious. The magical realist ending leaves us with a smile on our face but no definitive answer as to how these relationships will blossom or die surrounded by so much attention. Would make a fine double bill with recent gay classic Pride.

7

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/