Deran Sarafian directs Charlie Sheen, Nastassja Kinski and James Gandolfini in this action thriller where a pro parachutist gets dragged into a conspiracy of faked deaths, ex-KGB sleepers and hidden planes.

Do not waste one single iota of attention to the plot. It really is just a binding agent for half a dozen action sequences involving flying paraphernalia. Mainly parachutes. Every wrinkle of this safety equipment is rinsed to the extreme. Nowhere near as brilliantly as Point Break did but nowhere near as uninspired as Drop Zone, this is a super solid beer and pizza evening killer. The final big stunt done for reals ends things on a nerve jangling high and Charlie Sheen’s ostensible hero pleasingly comes from the Jack Burton school of macho uselessness. Following the Big Trouble in Little China rulebook, the overconfident all American male is subversively the least useful and heroic of all the players. Watching a dumb coward have to survive what an alpha male probably couldn’t is always good value.

7

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Sean S. Cunningham directs Shannon Presby, Lori Loughlin and James Spader in this teen thriller where two orphaned teens find their new school is overrun with some psychotic bullies.

Goes all out Straw Dogs in the fairground siege finale and I’m up for that in so many ways. The key Friday the 13th selling points are here; bosomy girls, inventive deaths – but the overall package is more competent and unpredictable. We watched for Spader and he delivers as a teen Gary Busey clone, some strange albino van predator who runs a pack of dicks. Both he and a Lalo Schifrin’s score elevate this into the “undiscovered gem” category.

7

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Robert Altman directs Sandy Dennis, Michael Burns and Susan Benton in this sex mystery where a lone woman takes in a seemingly homeless boy she sees sitting out in the rain from her window.

Even after you’ve watched it, it is hard to fully say what That Cold Day In The Park is. You’ll be surprised where it ends but likewise struggle to think of any other satisfying outcome. A kinky thriller boiled down to its basics, a gender reversed Psycho or The Collector… only a lot more civil than those films… with a sympathy for its devil. For the first hour it could easily be the prelude for a Harold and Maude-like romance. Sandy Dennis makes this watchable, her timid but yearning performance dominates. The few times we leave the apartment for the boy to show his spoilt hippy true colours feel wasteful.

6

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Richard Donner directs Mel Gibson, Jodie Foster and James Garner in this blockbuster western where a card sharp teams up with a lady thief and a cowardly Marshall to get to a big poker tournament on a steamboat.

Silly and episodic, unashamedly a vehicle for its three headliners to bicker, pratfall and bond. It gallumps along on a lavish budget and the easy going energy of its stars. Always fun but you do miss the long abandoned quick fire, stunt spectacular chutzpah of the first half once we are churning through every possible derivation of double and triple crosses by the end. Big screen reboots of creaky telly shows were big business in 90s, this is one of the stronger reimaginings.

7

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Adachi Masao directs Michio Akiyama, Yûji Aoki and Masaaki Hiraoka in this Japanese pink film where a school girl, who is pregnant and suicidal, tries to replicate the obscure feeling she felt having sex with her teacher, through orgies and prostitution.

Some atmospheric shots of Japanese counter culture get overwhelmed by the nasty unrelenting grimness of the exploitation. Even if you came for nudity and unsexy sex simulations you’ll be sick of them by the end. Adachi is definitely trying to say something about art, youth, nihilism and female sexuality… he doesn’t find his sentiments, gratingly so.

2

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

J. Lee Thompson directs Roddy McDowall, Hari Rhodes and Ricardo Montablàn in this sci-fi sequel where a talking ape finds himself in a dystopian city where apes are enslaved into menial work by a fascist humanity.

Probably the best follow-up of the original franchise. The brutalist world hinted at in this alternative 1991 is genuinely distressing and that thrilling full blooded ape rebellion cannot come soon enough. What it loses in obvious cost cutting cheapness, it more than makes up for in violent and chaotic paranoid destruction. The most obvious antecedent to the very successful reboot trilogy we recently concluded.

6

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Charles Walters directs Judy Garland, Fred Astaire and Ann Miller in this musical where a song and dance man needs a new female partner and hires a showgirl who doesn’t know her left from her right.

A good example of its form – colourful, charming with memorable numbers. Garland and Astaire don’t exactly set the world on fire in terms of romantic chemistry but they are equal iconic talents so you relish seeing them together. Ann Miller and her spinning gams are the highlight.

7

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

James Wan directs Vera Farmiga, Patrick Wilson and Lili Taylor in this “based on a true story” horror rollercoaster.

Much like Speed is the purest action movie, this is THE pure horror movie. It might not be first, scariest, creepiest, hippest, arty-est, bombastic, smartest, funniest, goriest, well acted or well directed (that last one is up for debate) but it is the best example of its form that works as an entertainment first with no pretentious distracting bells and whistle. It spins every plate in the haunted house stage show, vaudeville terror with modern craft. There are horror movies I love more but very few which put you through the ringer so expertly and confidently. Every element from the FX, editing, sound mixing and acting is superiorly executed. The sheer assurance and unabashed sincerity of the construct devours you. Pummels you with orchestrated fear. Fourth watch now and I still dread the darkness the next few nights getting up for a wee in my sleep afterwards. James Wan is a gleefully malevolent trickster and his mastery of the big screen’s blackest spell is definitive. Roll on Number 3!

10

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Mike Gabriel and Eric Goldberg direct Irene Bedard, Mel Gibson and David Ogden Stiers in this animated musical romance where Disney glosses up the historical relationship between a Native American princess and white invader John Smith.

I think the only way to sanely approach this is as a very attractive musical. The hypnotic pinks and blues pop as nature joins the symphony, likewise standout ballad “Colors of the Wind” is a magisterial hymn to unspoiled America. Once you start considering the actual history this is based around you are onto an unavoidable loss. The representation of the Powhatan people is possibly the most positive seen in a mainstream film but all this lovey dovey “follow your heart” stuff is clearly a preamble to their eventual genocide. Can you separate the reality from the fairy tale when it is named after a real life figure? At some point in the 85 minutes you have to consider the strikingly composed titular character who has your full engagement was a child used as a sexualised bargaining chip rather than a romantic figure of diplomacy. You can’t stop your brain taking you out of the wonder and wooing. And the ultimate message that if both sides just got along then none of this parasitic imperialism would ever take place is… well… offensively naive! But like I say, I’ve turned up for Disney not debate… you can’t deny the technical beauty and the sweep of the animation. It is a well crafted brazen show-off of a movie. Pocahontas would have been an easier fantasy to indulge in if they just rebranded it under a made-up name populated by composites inspired by, but not directly representing, the tragic historical figures.

7

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Sam Raimi directs Sharon Stone, Gene Hackman and Russell Crowe in this western where a town has a deadly quick draw shootout contest every year and a group of flamboyant strangers sign up with differing motivations.

A wonderfully over the top entertainment. Made in the wake of Dances With Wolves and Unforgiven, this is easily the slickest, most cartoonish action movie to follow those more somber eulogies to the fading genre. Shame The Quick And The Dead didn’t capture the general public’s imagination more as it is a pacey and spectacular blast. Sam Raimi has never seen a comic book angle he didn’t want to recreate in live action. Dante Spinotti lenses Academy Award winner Patrizia von Brandenstein’s elaborate lived in production design with a glowing reverence, as if it were the second coming of sets. Alan Silvestri’s score apes all the greats from The Big Country to spaghetti westerns via his own Predator theme. And this is a wondrous movie for character actors getting showy roles; Lance Henriksen, Keith David and Tobin Bell are just some of the distinctive pistoleros seeded through the early knockout rounds. The leads all have a ball, in fact, I’ve never seen Leonardo DiCaprio betray quite so much joy in a role as he does here as the baby-faced Kid. Gene Hackman gets a couple of meaty monologues and always feels like a fully fledged threat to the white hats he faces down. Russell Crowe makes an excellent impression in his Hollywood debut – the man of the cloth who can’t help but be a man of action when he is being drawn on. This is first and foremost a vehicle for Sharon Stone, she does fine work as the well attired but mysterious no-name we mainly invest in. Rather than lazily write her as supernaturally more capable than the freakish villains and the blowhard men, this angel of vengeance often suggests a hint of fear and trauma beneath her outwardly gruff and steely composure. And when she does what she has to do in the big finale it feels earned rather than a fait accompli. Shazza gets some neat lines and arousing moments in the downtime, never getting lost in the flamboyant ensemble. As a western fan, I find this near perfect but I do concede some might see the overly affectionate polishing of all the old cliches and tropes a bit one note. For us Gen X tenderfoots, this is Red Dead Redemption heaven.

8

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/