Abel Ferrara directs Willem Dafoe, Asia Argento and Christopher Walken in this erotic thriller where two contractors hire a call girl to infiltrate a tech mogul.

Near incomprehensible technobabble neo-noir with a Pretty Woman makeover. Walken’s aggressive overacting and tons of nudity do at least stop you from checking out and nodding off. Pretentious sleaze.

3

Perfect Double Bill: The Funeral (1996)

Nia DaCosta directs Brie Larson, Teyonah Parris and Iman Vellani in this Marvel comic book sequel where Captain Marvel, Ms. Marvel and another one swap places every time one of them uses their powers.

The first half an hour I kicked myself for not seeing this at the cinema on release. It was sparkly, energetic and cute. Brie Larson has star power but isn’t given the right spotlight here. Iman Vellani is the real protagonist… but I haven’t bothered with her TV show and her dynamic is very much ethnic Tom Holland. Everyone deserves more really. I liked Nia DaCosta’s Candyman reboot but she is lost in the shuffle here. The two quirkier set pieces riled up the spoilt fanbase. They’re OK but not leant into hard enough. The formula is still the overriding force.

5

Perfect Double Bill: Captain Marvel (2019)

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Wes Craven directs Linda Blair, Lee Purcell and Jeremy Slate in this made-for-TV chiller where a horse girl begins to suspect her visiting cousin of being evil when she wakes up covered in boils and her boyfriend, her brother and her father all fall under the suspicious new girl’s thrall.

She looks like a curvy chipmunk, squeaks a lot too and I’m there for that. What a soft spot I have for Linda Blair’s post The Exorcist career descent! It is all sludge. The pretensions of Exorcist II. The near unwatchable Savage Streets and overrated Hell Night. Still yet to rewatch Chained Heat and Repossessed. Here we get some very light, near undetectable, horror mystery for an hour and then ten minutes of transformations and car chase stunts as pudding. Wes’ usual subversion and technical craft are nowhere to be seen but I get the feeling this was a learning experience for him. Based on a novel by the writer of I Know What You Did Last Summer. Cringey Dad needs to have a word with himself.

4

Perfect Double Bill: Hell Night (1981)

Emile Ardolino directs Whoopi Goldberg, Maggie Smith and Kathy Najimy in this fish out of water comedy where a lounge singer is forced to hide in a convent after being placed in a witness protection program.

Was on heavy rotation on telly in my teens. A solid vehicle for Whoopi (weren’t they all) but again forgets to do much of anything between the set-up, the montages and the trailer moments. Just glides on autopilot – making studio executives mad dollars and wrapping us in the comforting blanket of not having to think rational thoughts for 90 minutes. Pap, pop, product but pleasant.

5

Perfect Double Bill: Sister Act 2: Back In The Habit (1993)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/ and my own Substack https://substack.com/@edinburghlaughterbulletin

David Derrick Jr., Jason Hand and Dana Ledoux Miller direct Auli’i Cravalho, Dwayne Johnson and Hualalai Chung in this Disney animated sequel where Moana quests to find other islanders.

I was never a huge fan of the first entry and this feels forced and unnecessary. Bright but chaotically plotted. I read afterwards it was converted from six short TV episodes into a feature and that makes a lot of sense.

4

Perfect Double Bill: Moana (2016)

Sidney Lumet directs River Phoenix, Judd Hirsch and Christine Lahti in this drama where a family of radicals who live on the run hit a crossroads when their teenage son wants to live his own life.

A solid drama with maybe a little too much focus on the teenage son. Hirsch and Lahti get a couple of grandstanding scenes (her confrontation with her estranged father is particularly good) but this is River Phoenix’s show throughout. And if I were Sidney Lumet and I had the goods I wouldn’t focus it any other way either. But it does lead to a few scenes that are tonally off. Why during the big emotional finale are certain characters silent? Seems untrue. Still, great stuff in spits and spots.

7

Perfect Double Bill: The State I Am In (2000)

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Brian Helgeland directs Heath Ledger, Paul Bettany and Shannyn Sossamon in this medieval adventure comedy where a peasant fakes nobility to compete in a series of profitable jousts and sword fights.

A lark… for a bit. The best display of Heath Ledger’s natural star power. So… it is sort of a shame that Paul Bettany’s oft naked and always raucous take on Geoffrey Chaucer steals the movie out from under him. Bettany’s becomes a hype man for the fake knight. Adding a real energy and pizazz to the one-note jousting sequences. Riding at each other with massive poles is exciting… for the first and, maybe, the second time. After that it gets very repetitive. You could say that of the film entire. All the best stuff is in the first act. It doesn’t have much more to do after it sets up its world of sitcom supports, anachronistic songs and cheeky product placement. And then it takes too long spinning that wheel to nowhere. Charming but a one-watcher.

6

Perfect Double Bill: The Brothers Grimm (2005)

Rob Spera directs Anat Topol, Gary Sloan and Mary Shelley in this direct to video rip off of Rosemary’s Baby.

Cheap shitty horror.

2

Perfect Double Bill: Witchcraft II: The Temptress (1990)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/ and my own Substack https://substack.com/@edinburghlaughterbulletin

Drew Barrymore directs Elliot Page, Alia Shawkat and Kristen Wiig in this teen sports comedy where a restless teen enters the adult world of roller derby.

I absolutely adore Whip It! A mega blast of colour, comedy and cool. Makes you wonder why Drew Barrymore hasn’t directed again? The deep drill ensemble all get lovely character beats and iconic shots, the tone varies wildly but is well balanced. The action as we rampage around the ring, the sensitivity gifted to the empowerment message and multiple relationships. Yeah, it is a bit strange watching Elliot Page be in such sexualised scenes as a young woman. Doesn’t now feel comfortable for anyone involved given the context… but he was a very sympathetic, attractive star back in his lead performance heyday.

9

Perfect Double Bill: Kansas City Bomber (1972)

Gints Zilbalodi directs a cat, dog and a capybara in this animated movie where animals try to survive a world consuming flood.

Hyper involving. The hippy dippy stuff I can take or leave, yet the hints at a post-human world conjure up the most retina blazing moments. Being an owner of a clumsy black kitty cat this was an anxiety churner for me. Surprised at how much it all hooked me.

8

Perfect Double Bill: The Call Of The Wild (2020)

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