Christopher Landon directs Meghann Fahy, Brandon Sklenar and Violett Beane in this thriller where a first date is ruined for a therapist when her phone keeps receiving messages telling her to kill her dining partner.

Attractive if unlikely one watcher. Christopher Landon didn’t get to direct Scream VII so he re-did a Red Eye instead.

6

Perfect Double Bill: Red Eye (2005)

Michael Herz and Lloyd Kaufman direct Andree Maranda, Mitch Cohen, and Jennifer Babtist in this cheapo superhero spoof where the mop boy at a gym is bullied into falling into toxic waste and becomes a mutant vigilante.

Absolute OTT trash. Yet it knows it is trash so leans into the bad acting and schlubby gore with admirable gusto. So it pans out charming. Bad taste but charming. The romance subplot between Toxie and the blind girl is cute and sex positive. Everything else is snark. Even the average kung-fu sequences where no kill is unacceptable. Hard not to like and it doesn’t outstay it’s welcome.

6

Perfect Double Bill: Street Trash (1987)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/ and my own Substack https://substack.com/@edinburghlaughterbulletin

Amy Holden Jones directs Jamie Lee Curtis, James Keach and Matt Clark in this drama where a young DJ discovers her mother had a torrid affair and tries to replicate the passion with a married man.

A surprising amount of sex and nudity. Also a fair degree of emotional complexity. Made by the director of Slumber Party Massacre. Roger Corman ponied up a small budget for Amy Holden Jones as long as there was enough titillation to book it into the grindhouse theatres. Aside from all the flesh though Jamie Lee spends most of the movie moping about… which puts a dampener on the erotic content.

4

Perfect Double Bill: Terror Train (1980)

Phillip Noyce directs Val Kilmer, Elisabeth Shue and Rade Serbedzija in this romantic thriller where an enigmatic thief tries to save the life of an energy scientist.

There should be a long-running modern day franchise in the Simon Templar concept. Globe trotting master cat burglar who changes his face more often than he saves the lady. Instead we get a cold dog’s dinner. Reshoots and miscasting sap all the life out of this. Master Of Disguise Kilmer is ridiculous in each of his new personas and absolutely blank out of costume. RIP Val but your lack of charisma here hobbles proceedings. He’s definitely no Roger. The action is weak but could have been promising, the plot has clearly been chopped up and switched about. Poor test screening scores meant we never really settle in. Should at least work as a romance but Shue and Kilmer spend two of three acts apart. The best stuff is them running around an icy Russia together in constant mild peril. A sloppy, poor man’s Mission: Impossible. Good soundtrack though.

4

Perfect Double Bill: M:I 2 (2000)

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John Waters directs Kathleen Turner, Ricki Lake and Matthew Lillard in this dark comedy where a sweet-as-apple-pie suburban housewife slaughters those with bad manners.

The camp is turned down just one click but this is still drooling and scathing and singular. You may argue this is Water’s classy period but I actually feel other directors started tooling around in his garage at this point. Kevin Smith, Todd Haynes and even Gus Van Sant legitimatised that Baltimore vision more than movie stars joining his casts. I see Serial Mom as a return to bad boy form after Hairspray and CryBaby (both of which I think are great) were so multiplex friendly. Turner is incredible here. Her enthusiasm for mayhem makes this very rewatchable.

7

Perfect Double Bill: To Die For (1995)

Robert Zemeckis directs Bob Hoskins, Charles Fleischer and Christopher Lloyd in this cartoon / live action crossover movie where a private detective tries to solve the murder that a famous animated bunny is framed for in an alternative 1940s Hollywood where toons and humans work together.

An utterly massive movie from my childhood that does seem to have faded away a smidge in terms of popularity. The FX to combine animated characters into live action scenes is revolutionary and seamless. Jessica Rabbit is an amazing creation. The trip into ToonTown is probably the highlight of the film. But… it does spin its wheels in the middle act… the best visual gags have been used up and the big action is saved until the final gallop. It makes for an uneven experience, even as a nostalgic rewatch.

7

Perfect Double Bill: The Mask (1994)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/ and my own Substack https://substack.com/@edinburghlaughterbulletin

Billy Wilder directs Jack Lemmon, Walter Matthau and Judi West in this dark comedy where a sharp injury lawyer convinces his brother-in-law to sue and exaggerate his injuries.

Strange watching a non-period movie that chooses to still be in black and white after Technicolor became the dominant format. Orson Welles would argue that black and white captures the acting and expressions better. Does Wilder hold with the same theory? There is lots of mugging to camera. Either way there also is a self aware joke about not being able to afford colour. The first pairing of Matthau and Lemmon is broke up into cute chapters and is pretty cynical. A pleasingly misanthropic watch but not gold standard.

6

Perfect Double Bill: A New Leaf (1971)

Pitof directs Halle Berry, Benjamin Bratt and Sharon Stone in this superhero spin-off that imagines what would happen if Catwoman was a bit shit.

A derided flop – this should never have seen the inside of cinema screens. A project that went through a million rewrites and then some rushed reshoots it bares very little relation to the classic Batman comics anti-hero. You can see why Warner Brothers wanted to cash in on Pfeiffer’s electric performance in Batman Returns but once she passed that should have been the end of the development process. Instead it freed a bunch of paycheck screenwriters to nudge proceedings too far away from both the canon and Burton’s world building. What we are left with are a fudge of risible scenes, probably the ones the executive liked the most. Little narrative cohesion. Terrible costume design. Awful CGI. A forgettable finale. Hairball!

3

Perfect Double Bill: Steel (1997)

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Andrew Davis directs Steven Seagal, Tommy Lee Jones and Gary Busey in this Die Hard on a navy battleship rip-off.

Top 10 highlights from this belated Under Siege rewatch:

1. Erika Eleniak pops out of a cake and shows her breasts. This got rewound a lot in my youth and I wasn’t the only one. VHS rental stores needed to replace their copies when this moment got worn out quickly… making unprecedented ‘big box’ sales for Warner Brothers.
2. Tommy Lee Jones pretending to be a bluesy, hippie dippy rock ‘n’ roll frontman to access the ship. Buffoonery sanctioned.
3. Fast hands knife fight concluding set piece between Jones and Seagal. Heart pounding, brutal.
4. Gary Busey, in drag, looking wilder than a bobcat, asking if he looks mentally unstable. Perfect cartoon villains.
5. Seagal shows how to make a time bomb out of a fork, a scouring pad, a mug, white vinegar, oil and a microwave. I think that would work. That Casey Ryback is some chef.
6. Seagal imprisoned in a meat locker thinking he can charm his armed guard into letting him out by telling him he has ‘shit for brains’ repeatedly. This is inarguably the pinnacle of his cinematic career.
7. Seagal taking down a corridor of goons by holding two uzis in a cross-cross fashion and just walking forward.
8. The entire support cast of the far superior Davis’ The Fugitive just lurking about as disposable henchmen and unnamed officers.
9. Seagal kissing Eleniak in the epilogue in spite of zero chemistry or flirtation before. My man Casey Ryback ain’t got no time for the chat up during a hostage situation but he will dress a Playboy playmate up as a teenage boy before he forces himself on her.
10. Seagal uses his improbable endless supply of grenades to blow up a grounded helicopter just so he can run away, jump over the edge of the boat and dangle à la Die Hard.

I persuaded Natalie this was going to be better than she expected and I was correctomundo. But how am I going to persuade her that Under Siege 2 will not live up to the high bar this cheesy trash Saturday night spectacular sets?

7

Perfect Double Bill: Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (1995)

Uberto Pasolini directs Ralph Fiennes, Juliette Binoche and Claudio Santamaria in this historical drama where Odysseus returns to Ithaca decades after the victory of Troy to find his wife besieged by violent suitors.

The ugly digital photography ruined this for me. Is it better at catching actor’s faces by firelight? You get to see Ralph’s cock early doors. The finale is gripping and violent. The whole thing does feel like a play shot on location. Very dialogue and performance driven. The nuance matters. But it moves at a stately pace without much variation.

5

Perfect Double Bill: Troy (2004)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/ and my own Substack https://substack.com/@edinburghlaughterbulletin