David S. F. Wilson directs Vin Diesel, Guy Pearce and Eiza González in this comic book actioner where a soldier is brought back to life by a swarm of nanobots in his bloodstream giving him indestructible superpowers and wiring him for revenge missions.

First things first. More than half the time this looks utterly fantastic. There’s an extreme use of blues and reds, a thick gloss, that means this a treat for the eyes. Sadly the remainder of the film relies on CGI stunt avatars and looks about as convincing as Diesel’s acting. He a star, not a talent, and this film winds him up and puts him in the right direction for carnage. Essentially once it has all its misdirection and exposition out of the way, the plot reveals itself to be a very tech heavy spin on Memento. So its a nice touch seeing original misguided lo-fi death machine Guy Pearce now take on the Joey Pantalino role of his own classic. It all adds up to no great shakes… with only a comedy hacker making a lasting impression in a love it / hate it take on a tired support character. Watch only if you have two hours to kill.

4

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Katsuhiro Otomo directs Mitsuo Iwata, Nozomu Sasaki and Mami Koyama in this Japanese animated sci-fi classic where the weakest member of a biker gang is infected with apocalyptic psychic energy.

I first watched this on a coach monitor on a school trip abroad. The first thirty minutes drilled themselves into my harddrive but I do remember I struggled to remember the conclusion. Watching this on the big screen three decades later, there’s a reason for that. The last hour of the movie that broke Manga to the Western Hemisphere is very repetitive. One character shouts “ Tetsuo”, the other “Kaneda”. They miss each other with their laser beams. Then move to another location and repeat. And repeat. And repeat… The comics’ run wasn’t even finished when this was produced in Japan. Maybe that explains why the never ending finale is such a patience testing butt-number. Yet there’s still a reason why this became a cult classic… introducing a whole sub-genre of exotic animated nastiness to my generation of Europeans. With Akira you are never more than 10 minutes away from seeing extreme imagery never before put up there on screen. The opening act of awesome bike jousts and civil disobedience in a world that can only be described as Blade Runner without limits is truly thrilling. The stadium level body horror that follows is cruelly epic. Akira has never been quite able to live up to its own towering monumental reputation but in its finest moments you are seeing hardcore fantasy cinema with zero inhibitions.

7

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Kasi Lemmons directs Cynthia Erivo, Clarke Peters and Leslie Odom Jr. in the pre-Civil War biopic about a defiant slave turned extraordinary Underground Railroad ‘conductor’.

This has so many fine qualities… it is difficult to see why it struggles to be more than a perfunctory history lesson. Taking the most action packed period of the female abolitionist’s life… from her days on the run, to her returning south to free others, to her leadership of a battalion in the Civil War… it really should be more way exciting than this. Cynthia Erivo adds humanity and spark even to the moments when the script is a little frightened to put words in the icon’s mouth. The location work looks sumptuous, full credit to John Toll. Strangely, I think this occasionally repetitive, often overtly pious, production just needs more room to breathe. An extra half an hour so the better elements can stew up with some meaty flavour. Those perilous convoys through slave catchers and lynch mobs should have more to them religious messaging and near misses. They should be sustained sequences fraught with risk, and exploited for their inherent excitement. Only a set piece where the safe haven of Philadelphia is deemed searchable by plantation owners has the visceral thrill of danger. And this hero put herself in harm’s way continually for the freedom of others throughout her admirable life. This should be Braveheart, not Double Civics.

6

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Carlo Mirabella-Davis directs Haley Bennett, Austin Stowell and Elizabeth Marvel in this drama following a trophy housewife with extreme Pica, the desire to consume objects she should not.

Very clinical. A discomforting look at a disorder that wants to be the next Safe or Dans Ma Peau but you really only take away from it an envious sense of interior design.

4

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Lewis Teague directs Rutger Hauer, Mimi Rogers and James Remar in this sci-fi prison break movie where a diamond thief in the near future finds himself shackled with an exploding collar that will detonate if he gets too far from a sexy inmate with a hidden agenda.

The kinda movie whose trailer was frontloaded onto every video I rented in 1992! Far better than it has any right to be… definitely thanks to a B-Movie cast enjoying one last romp before they are relegated to the DTV doldrums. Everyone here goes big so you can enjoy this at home. It is a tie between Stephen Tobolowsky’s slimy warden and Joan Chen’s maniacal cackling moll over who vamps it up the best. Hauer and Rogers have sexy chemistry as The Defiant Ones who are gonna get it on. He plays neatly against type as a reluctant nerd coward who throws down like a boss only when absolutely necessary. The near future setting is lightly satirical… it is easier to think of it is an alternative 1991 rather than some far reaching prophetic dystopia. With all the chuckle worthy cheese on offer it is easy to forget it should be an action thriller first and foremost. I’d have preferred at least one more set-piece that involved the perfect plot hook of the deadly synced up bomb collars getting lethally distant from each other… but this throwaway flick is clearly here for a good time not for a long time. And on that it delivers.

6

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Stephen Surjik directs Mike Myers, Dana Carvey and Tia Carrere in this comedy sequel where the public access TV superstars try to put on a music festival.

A decent middle of the road retread of what made the first one a classic. Most of the revisited gags are a little staler this time around, the stars clearly have their eyes on their next projects but Ralph Brown has a lovely part as a demented roadie. An inoffensive, quick turnaround cash-in you don’t begrudge anyone for being involved in. It would be weirder if there was only one Wayne’s World movie but dispiriting if there were three or four.

6

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

John McPhail directs Ella Hunt, Sarah Swire and Paul Kaye in this Christmas set romantic comedy zombie musical where a small Scottish town is besieged by your standard infected ghouls.

A sweet undemanding movie that feels just a little too cynically calculated in the amount of popular boxes it wants to tick. Shaun of the Dead meets Glee meets your Christmas perennial release. Only not as funny or as spectacular or as well acted as any of those cribbed influences. Doesn’t really ever put a foot wrong but equally never actually gets the pulse going or catches you by surprise as it mashes-up its various obvious homages inoffensively.

4

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Powell and Pressburger direct John Gregson, Anthony Quayle and Peter Finch in this WII retelling of an early naval battle.

A rare misfire from The Archers, though it was one of their most financially successful releases. The true story is quite unusual so it is a shame this takes the dullest route to tell it. At least it often looks just as lush and beautiful as you’d expect.

3

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Jim Sharman directs Tim Curry, Susan Sarandon and Richard O’Brien in this camp cult sci-fi spoof musical where an unwitting couple turn up on the doorstep of a transsexual alien mad scientist.

Something for everyone or everyone for something. If you like girls there’s Susan Sarandon in her tighty whities. If you like boys then Meatloaf bursts through a wall on a motorcycle and raises hell. If you like everything then there’s Tim Curry’s delicious, iconic gender bending wickedness. Oh to be a show stealer in a show as mad as box of frogs. The numbers are toe tapping bangers, the look is pure maniac magic. So it does drag its feet with nowhere else really to go in the last reel… that’s a minor problem in a film as energetic and loveable as this. I can’t understand why it was critically reviled on release. I can completely understand why outsider audiences discovered it, interacted with it, further fetishised it and made it their own. I wish my generation had such a rites of passage.

9

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Charles Frend directs Jack Hawkins, Donald Sinden and Denholm Elliott in this WWII naval drama following the crew of a convoy protector through the entire course of the war.

An ensemble of British talent are put through the psychological wringer as they try to survive the constant threat and spiritual damage of being out at sea during WWII. Softly acted and with as many moments of stoic tenderness as heroic bravado, this is one of the greatest war movies ever made. The set pieces are nail biting, the soapier visits home wound with their casual bruising callousness. An Ealing Studios Classic that offers no respite.

9

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/