Quentin Tarantino directs Uma Thurman, Lucy Liu and Vivica A Fox in this kung-fu action revenge epic where a left for dead assassin hunts down her former team mates.

“Bill… It’s your ba-…” WARGH-WAHHH revenge theme. TV room combat. The school bus pulls up. The Bride’s name is bleeped out. “Fuck you, bitch. I know he didn’t qualify that shit.” Kaboom cereal. Nikki Bell… Volume 3 in waiting. Michael Parks investigates the carnage. A spitter. Whistling Elle and her drawn-on detailed rain mac. Twisted Nerve theme is an absolute earworm. Split screen dressing to kill, De Palma homage. Daryl Hannah is very unpredictable as the unguarded psycho of the piece. She builds up a lot of affection in very few scenes as the utterly unhinged poisoner in residence… not entirely sure why she is such a likeable presence? Buck likes to fuck. Disgusting communal Vaseline. Death by lip removal. Satisfying door frame interrogation. Elvis shades and the Pussy Wagon acquired. “Wiggle your big toe.” Anime origins. W-H-I-M-P-E-R. O-Ren’s sailor moon revenge. Another bullet through the brain. Big toe wiggling achievement unlocked. Sonny Chiba’s sushi shack = Three stars on Tripadvisor: Average food, terrible service, free language tutorials. Samurai sword porn. “If on your journey, you should encounter God, God will be cut.” O-Ren’s silly little waddle across the table. Fountains of blood. THAT yakuza’s amazing appalled face. “I collect your fucking head.” Red Apple cigarettes poster. Riding around Tokyo, listening to tunes. Yellow and Black leather Game of Death biker suits looks oh-so cool… why aren’t we all just wearing them as standard? House of the Blue Leaves = Five stars on Tripadvisor: Live music, private rooms, no pepperoni pizzas, hot and cold running yakuzas. The 5, 6, 7, 8’s. Spider-Bride. Ridiculous tracking shot. We are already down to a Crazy 83. “You call that begging?” Go Go Yubari swing out sister of death. Go Go gets nailed. The gang’s all here. Trademark eye snatch. Monochrome censorship. Can never spot QT’s alleged cameo in this chaotic sequence?! Johnny Mo’s wirework. Thurman must have trained like a motherfucker for this sheer unprecedented amount of sustained action combat. Her and Zoe Bell’s stunt work is sublime. Baby-faced hanger-on gets samurai sword spanked. The final stand-off is meant to be savoured. Latino Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood. Tension increasing water feature. Japanese winter garden so pretty. I would have dropped the cliffhanger just before O-Ren and the Bride locked swords. Exhausted Bride, we are on your side! Scalp in the snow, brain exposed. “That really was a Hattori Hanzo sword.” The Bride makes her list, like my wife she likes her admin. Are swords acceptable inflight carry-on luggage? Unanswered question: Who owns that other sword on the aisle seat opposite? Teases and revelations. Flash forward to Budd being reasonable… she does deserve her revenge, Budd. Who’s up for part 2 right away??? Thurman’s finest hour – she imbues the Bride with a potent mix of badassness, vulnerability and just a shade of cartoonish goofyness. An icon is born and even if it is 110% purloined homage, it all melds together into the coolest action movie ever.

10

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Thom Fitzgerald directs Jacki Weaver, Lucy Liu and Adrian Grenier in this comedy-drama where a grieving Texan mother inherits her estranged drag queen son’s cabaret bar on the backstreets of San Francisco.

Feels like something made twenty years ago. Gently entertaining and a fine showcase for Weaver who almost never gets the lead role. Nearly every big emotive subplot (drug addiction, abusive partners) is resolved the very next scene after it is established and the drag queens are simplistically presented as adult children who just need love and attention (which is a little insulting)… But you kinda know the film’s heart is in the right place even it often can’t manoeuvre gracefully in the ungainly heels it has put on.

5

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Marcelo Martinessi directs Ana Brun, Margarita Irun and Ana Ivanova in this drama where a passive woman comes out her shell when her domineering long term partner goes to prison for fraud.

Quite a sensual film. Captures the dusty decay of the upper class lifestyles of Paraguayan women and their strange black market that relies on the misfortunes of each other. The cast of exclusively female unknowns all make an impressive fist of performing their underwritten characters into something more memorable.

7

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Maggie Greenwald directs Loretta Gross, Andrew Lee Barrett and Jorja Fox in this Jim Thompson neo-noir adaptation about a bed ridden town gossip who sets in motion murder and betrayal with her rumour spreading.

I stumbled across this because I watched a Maggie Greenwald directed Disney film and was surprised at how indie her back catalogue was before making a tween movie with Lindsay Lohan. This is the antithesis of that. Sleazy, dark and bitter. The almost no name ensemble convince as losers and boozers caught in their own little prisons of guilt and shame. That misanthropic Thompson milieu actually lends itself better to the imperfect compromises of low budget film making. Not earth changing but apt and well made.

6

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Quentin Tarantino directs Uma Thurman, David Carradine and Michael Madsen in this second half of The Bride’s roaring rampage of revenge.

Uma driving film noir style. Wedding hipsters v church folk. “Rufus, he’s the man.” A distant flute. Enter the Bill. Doing his best to be sweet. God, if Tommy Plymptom wasn’t such a schmuck there never would have been a massacre at Two Pines. Record shop for sale! Brotherly advice. Bo Diddley’s voice: “In El Paso Texas, it cost 250 bucks!” Budd’s late for work. Sid Haig cameo. “Fuckin’ with your cash is the only thing you kids seem to understand!” Might start employing the Larry Bishop method to how I manage people. Laying in wait. Rock salt to the titties. Spittin’ tabbaccy in the face = the final indignity. Madsen is the unsung hero of this film. It is his best bit of screen acting and he makes Budd sympathetic and reasonable… yet still a figure to be feared. Is it awful my favourite Viper is the token man? The lonely grave of Paula Schultz. Uma’s adoring face as Bill tells the Bride about religious genocide. No American sass. Pai Mei is a perfect parody. Issac Hayes theme tuned fight. Training montage. Okey dokey, we now know how she can punch through wood with only three inches clearance but how does she burrow up through six feet of compacted soil? Did Pai Mei train her to be a mole too? Glass of water! Elle Driver’s muscle car… woof, and I ain’t even a petrolhead. Unhygienic margaritas for a business brunch. “Melanie Whorehouse?” “Here.” “Beatrix Kiddo?” Gargantuan. Trailer cat fight. Bog wash! Budd’s porno collection gets messed up. He didn’t pawn that sword. “That’s right. I killed your master. And now I’m gonna kill you, with your own sword!” Poisoned fish heads. What do you call a Daryl with no eyes? Thrashing around like Pris in Blade Runner! Those middle three chapters and the very next scene are QT’s finest hour of directing. Because the next scene contains Esteban Vihaio. Charming, brutal retired pimp. (Natalie might ban me from watching this scene in future as she has to put up with weeks of near constant bad Latin Michael Parks impressions in the aftermath.) B.B. playing possum. Bill is a pretty awesome fantasy dad. A goldfish learns about life and death from a sadist. Rare bit of natural child acting. Shogun Assassin is not appropriate Mommy / Daughter reunion watching. The Indisputable Truth. Bill (QT)’s Clark Kent theory. More talking. I’m zoning out. More talking. Nothing has happened for an hour. More talking. I wonder what Esteban is up to? More talking. I mean I’m invested in the characters but I don’t think there are any earth shattering revelations in this therapy session / confession. The five point palm technique. Shit, I almost clocked out and missed it. Bill is killed. Indulgently chatty ending even for Quent that mars a four hour double bill epic. The Bride is so passive and just listens for a quarter of her story. Just no. One mark off! “The lioness has been reunited with her cub, and all is well in the jungle.” Fuck yeah! All the faces! Then the name credits for this chapter. Question mark for Elle… ooh! Never fails to leave with me a massive smile on my face. The first film is perfect but this has the true diamonds dotted around fool’s gold.

9

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Michael Winner directs Charles Bronson, Vincent Gardenia and Hope Lange in this crime thriller where a mild mannered liberal turns lethal vigilante when his wife is killed and his daughter raped by home invaders.

Low expectations given Bronson is one of my least favourite stars and Winner became an awful director. This is pretty effective. The threat of street chaos is continually creepy and sleazy. Bronson’s descent into violence is handled with patience and intelligence. There are even flourishes of nightmarish magical realism. Wintery Manhattan lends itself to a dark fantasy vibe. The bare trees over Central Park tower over the innocents like a Grimm fairytale forest, blizzards delete funeral scenes, extras reappear in later scenes like foreboding echoes from the past. Standard stuff as exploitation trying to be something artier in its best moments. Effective score by Herbie Hancock.

6

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Aaron Schneider directs Tom Hanks, Stephen Graham and Rob Morgan in this WWII naval thriller where a US Navy commander must protect a convoy of cargo ships from a U-Boat onslaught.

Gripping, fast paced and crisply told. Another fine showcase for Hanks’ reluctant hero side hustle, pushing aside self doubt and facing imminent disaster one hurried co-ordinate decision at a time. For 80 minutes I was completely in this thriller’s thrall. Imagine it on the big screen?

8

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

John Landis directs Steve Martin, Chevy Chase and Martin Short in this spoof Western where three fey and cowardly movie stars are accidentally hired by a village who need protection from a gang of bandits.

The joke that motors Three Amigos is there are very few jokes. Silliness? Yes. Over-enthusiasm? Yes. Musical numbers? You betcha! But killer punchlines? Rarely. Show it to a child or a Martian who has no idea it stars two of its generations biggest Hollywood names (and Martin Short) and they may think it is a completely unfeigned adventure movie. Yet the unbridled glee on this trio of schmucks’ goofy faces as they circle killers and serenade brawlers utterly unaware is hilarious. Three Amigos is a masterpiece of crazy eyed sincerity.

9

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Alfred Hitchcock directs Ingrid Bergman, Cary Grant and Claude Rains in this spy thriller where the secret service pressgangs a Nazi traitor’s beautiful daughter into being a honeytrap for a nuclear scientist in Brazil.

One of the very best romantic thrillers because the beautiful lead is always at risk… growing more vulnerable and trapped as scenes progress. Bergman is wonderful here as the good time girl in a bad situation. Grant makes for a handsome Hitchcock substitute as the conflicted handler. He stoically loves his amateur agent but his duty dictates he keeps her in harms way, in increasingly perilous positions. And Claude Raines is the Sam Rockwell of the Golden Age of Hollywood, no matter whether he sides with the devils or the angels, he improves a movie immensely with his mere presence. Hitch pulls off a lot of bravura visual tricks to seduce and thrill us but it is the brevity and flow of the storytelling that impresses the most. A cynical delight.

9

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Michael Gottlieb directs Andrew McCarthy, Kim Cattrall and James Spader in this fantasy romantic comedy where a loser falls for an immortal shop window dummy who comes to life when nobody else is watching.

Lowest common denominator stuff. Andrew McCarthy is a dreadful lead. The screeching, mugging comedy elements are overacted with a bluntness that would make a kid’s TV show blush. There are Police Academy sequels with more nuance. Having said that Cattrall is sweetly committed, the pop rock soundtrack crackles and visually there is some pretty memorable Eighties cheese on display. Boy… oh… boy… That guy really wants to fuck that mannequin!

4

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/