Bobby Carroll's Movie Diary

Eugenio Martín directs Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing and Telly Savalas in this horror where a Victorian palaeontologist sneaks aboard a killer creature onto a Trans-Siberian railway journey.

Camp gothic imperialism with paint red blood and a cult cast. Not particularly scary but pretty far reaching in terms of its monster’s origins and abilities. Helga Liné and Silvia Tortosa provide some post-Hammer classy totty but no one can outsex Savalas’ short lived Cossack Captain. He gatecrashes the proceedings just when things start to get stuck in a rut and thrusts us into a neat all-action finale.

6

Perfect Double Bill: Rasputin: The Mad Monk (1966)

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Mike Cheslik directs Ryland Brickson Cole Tews, Olivia Graves
and Wes Tank in this dialogue free black and white comedy where a drunken applejack salesman becomes a fur trapper by defeating hundreds of beavers in this 19th century supernatural winter epic.

Clearly a labour of love. Too idiosyncratic to be a calling card, yet too crowd pleasing for Hollywood not to take notice. A love letter to silent comedy where an inept dude does battle with wilderness creatures to survive. Don’t worry zero critters were harmed in the production of this laugh packed onslaught. Half a dozen dudes in mascot costumes make up the menagerie of beasts. There’s as much Max Fleischer and Looney Tunes here as Buster Keaton and Chaplin. The DIY cheapo FX are part of the charm. They come so thick and fast that the ingenuity and craft outweigh the budget limitations. The gal who our hero has his heart set on is a homicidal tease – very sexy. It can all get quite repetitive, yet that is the very nature of this beast. I would have reduced it down to a neat 80 minutes in the edit. But which gags to kill? They’re pretty much all winners. Hearing a cinema laugh through a whole movie rather than nod and howl gormlessly at fan service Easter Eggs feels like a rarity these days. This is easily the funniest release since No Hard Feelings.

Watched at The Prince Charles Cinema!

8

Perfect Double Bill: The Saddest Music In The World (2004)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

Jonathan Sanger directs Shannen Doherty, William Devane and Clare Carey in this thriller where an ageing dude picks the wrong young insurance actuary to start dating.

Not bad for a TV movie rip on Fatal Attraction. Devane has Max Cherry energy. Until he doesn’t and then starts making stupid mistakes led by his dick and his gonads. By the end there is the definite suggestion that he is as much the villain as the mentally fragile woman he can’t resist. There are limitations. The sex scenes are coy and the same camera set ups are blatantly repeated over multiple scenes. I watched this as a little remembrance to Shannen Doherty. Rest In Peace. You were hot as hell, exactly what a nineties teen boy needed.

4

Perfect Double Bill: Blindfold: Acts Of Obsession (1994)

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Lee Chung-hyun directs Jeon Jong-seo, Kim Ji-hoon and Park Yu-rim in this rote action flick from Korea.

Every frame is wow wow beautiful Insta friendly. The action is pretty stodgy though.

3

Perfect Double Bill: The Call (2020)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

Josh Margolin directs June Squibb, Fred Hechinger and Richard Roundtree in this comedy where an OAP tracks down the phone scammers who stole her money.

A sweet movie that made me laugh plenty. The points it wants to make are a little heavy handed but as blue rinse wish fulfilment it is funny enough to entertain all ages. Has that slightly heightened indie comedy tone. You know the one.

Watched at the Curzon Mayfair!

7

Perfect Double Bill: The Straight Story (1999)

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Chris Smith directs George Michael, Andrew Ridgeley and Elton John in this candid documentary about the Eighties pop sensations who split up at their peak.

Watched on a packed National Express night coach with an unhoused gentleman twitching and farting next to me for the entire runtime. The archive stuff here feels a lot more personal and candid than most collages of footage. You get a real insight into their unique position in the music landscape. And on a personal note I always loved Wham as a kid and 15 years after their break up their songs still got everyone I drank with on the dance floor in the pub on a Friday night. So I enjoyed this plenty. Both of them come across as decent human beings who hit the fame jackpot by making people happy. Good for them.

7

Perfect Double Bill: Bros: After The Screaming Stops (2018)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

Richard LaGravenese directs Nicole Kidman, Zac Efron and Joey King in this romantic comedy where a Hollywood megastar starts dating his put upon assistant’s mom.

Unevenly paced wealth porn with possibly the most unlikable lead character in a long old stretch. Joey King’s self centred assistant daughter, who we are supposed to be rooting for, is just a terrible human being.

3

Perfect Double Bill: The Stepford Wives (2004)

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Thomas M. Wright directs Joel Edgerton, Sean Harris and Jada Alberts in this true story crime investigation where a petty criminal in Australia is drafted into an elaborate murky enterprise.

There are many switch ups and obscured storytelling beats in this maudlin, low key thriller. It is permanently hopeless and grim without ever showing any explicit violence. A true slow drip psychological thriller but not a lots of laughs for a Friday night.

6

Perfect Double Bill: Animal Kingdom (2010)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

David Cronenberg directs Robert Pattinson, Juliette Binoche and Paul Giamatti in this satirical drama where a young billionaire asset manager crosses the city in his limo all day fucking, taking part in didactic conversations and self imploding.

Literary pretensions do not a good movie make.

4

Perfect Double Bill: The Childhood Of A Leader (2016)

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Sebastián Lelio directs Florence Pugh, Tom Burke and Kíla Lord Cassidy in this Irish period drama where a nurse is employed by a small town’s elders to observe a fasting girl to determine whether a miracle is occurring.

A quietly brilliant movie that should never have got shuffled away in a Netflix churn. Cagey performances by all with little vents of lust and escape. There’s two deeper ideas bubbling under the surface. The value of a life. And the artificiality of the traps we keep ourselves in. The tragedy is never dry and the drama moves forward with a heightened degree of tension. Not all questions are answered about faith, poverty, death, sexism and grief but it reaches a satisfying conclusion. Pugh’s first ‘proper’ piece of screen acting since Lady Macbeth made her an immediate sex symbol.

8

Perfect Double Bill: Lady Macbeth (2017)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/