Bobby Carroll's Movie Diary

Richard Kelly directs Dwayne Johnson, Sarah Michelle Gellar and Sean William Scott in this loooong existential near-future thriller spoof where neo-Marxists manipulate a confused action hero, a cop with a twin and a mainstream porn star to topple a fascist clean energy conglomerate.

Donnie Darko was a tenuous attempt to make an emo Back to the Future that infused Lynchian dread with Kurt Vonnegut plotting. The fact that Kelly somehow walked that near impossible tightrope with his debut marked him out as a filmmaker to watch. His indulgent, unruly and self-sabotaging follow-up kinda proved he was lucky to make it across the wire that initial attempt. This time he fell, there was no net and his career hasn’t snapped back into shape since. Though I do kinda like The Box, his third and final film. Southland Tales though is a train wreck. A pile-up. I’ve glared into the near- three hour wreckage of it twice now… both times optimistic. And once you’ve endured the first hour and squeezed some poorly sold intention out of it, there are flashes of genius. That first hour though! 10 minutes of exposition overload… a narrated prologue that seemingly never ends. Then we float around a series of vacant and lifeless characters played by upcoming stars who are playing against type. Types we were only just investing into in 2006. Scott is an underrated actor and sells his puppet cop with minimal fuss, admirably never falling back on his broad comedy persona. The Rock is a bizarre presence – channeling Stan Laurel’s childish nervousness in some scenes and just blankly enduring through reams of conspiracy (there are lots of overlapping factions to keep track of if you can in anyway follow the plot) in most scenes. Sarah Michelle Gellar actually is good camp fun as the gormless porn star turned influencer. This is the one prediction Kelly makes of “the now” that was right… just a shame her adult superstar remains strictly PG for the plot. The fact she is fully clothed and sexless throughout just doesn’t work. Whenever there’s a lip-synced musical number… there are musical numbers… the film jump starts and has our attention. There are nexus points when the random plot strands crossover and it almost feels worthwhile. The finale, though very drawn out, has some trippy imagery and finality to it. It is like panning for gold in a stream no-one has found a nugget in yet! If this is your favourite film you are trying too hard. But if you can’t find anything to love among all the flat, TV movie looking, daffy hubris then you probably don’t love cult cinema. Hard to recommend but difficult to completely write-off.

5

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Mike Nichols directs John Travolta, Emma Thompson and Adrian Lester in this satirical drama based on the Clinton election campaign / scandals where all the names have been changed to protect the obvious.

Doesn’t come to life as a comedy then lurches into hard tragedy at a late point that stretches the patience. Travolta is well cast as the “Bill” caricature but feels under exploited. Kathy Bates is the only player who gives more than she gets in a strangely toothless project – she lands the more barbed jokes and then does all the heavy lifting when things get VERY weighty. A weird, atonal big budget release.

5

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Ron Underwood directs Billy Crystal, Jack Palance and Bruno Kirby in this comedy western where three middle-aged friends go on an adventure holiday so they can get to be cowboys for a fortnight.

Witty, colourful and surprisingly rousing. There are some big and convincing stunt sequences involving the stars and cattle played for thrills as much as laughs. This was a favourite of mine as a kid that lived up to fond memories on rewatch. Crystal (“HELLOOOOO!”) fills even the already funny scenes with relentless bonus patter. The man is a joke machine. His chemistry with Kirby and Daniel Stern is rich. The only negative is everyone gets a bittersweet, moment of self-realisation monologue in the second act… and they do start to feel formulaic once you notice the trend. This mid-level Hollywood release was the fifth most successful film at the 1991 box office and it is still so crowd pleasing and smart thirty years later, you can easily see why!

8

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Merian C. Cooper and Ernest B. Schoedsack direct King Kong, Fay Wray and Robert Armstrong in this fantasy adventure where a film crew sail to Skull Island in search of the mysterious giant beast the natives worship and fear.

The first 15 minutes of ropey, hokey dialogue and blunt exposition always trick me. I assume King Kong is going to creak, show its age, unravel like an ancient scroll. Then we get to Skull Island and it is blockbuster heaven. A magical, spectacular and action packed adventure. As entertaining as anything made these recent summers. Sure, you can see how all the special FX are achieved but the lantern show is gamely complex and detailed. It is a rollercoaster of monster fights and dangerous deaths. Fay Wray screams her lungs out… she is quite the sexually frank character… the willowy innocent… one hot meal away from whoring herself out in Manhattan… to scantily clad lure for our furry titan. No wonder the dinosaur stomping, native chewing old romantic can’t wait to make her his. Yes, the iconic ending in New York is still as tragically sad as it is utterly thrilling. The limitations of 1930s filmmaking aside, this still feels a very modern, mature piece of popcorn hokum. Old furry butt has stood the test of time as a top afternoon watch!

10

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Paul Dano directs Carey Mulligan, Ed Oxenbould and Jake Gyllenhaal in this 1960s-set family drama where a teenage boy starts to realise his parents are fallible human beings.

“Boy, boy, boy! Boy!” Confession – I don’t really rate Carey Mulligan. I might have to reassess that opinion. She is a powerhouse here. Shifting personality from Madonna to Whore in her son’s eyes when in reality she’s just surviving. Gyllenhaal is superb as usual as the depressed, unreliable father. His performance reminded me of Brad Pitt in The Tree of Life but this film is far subtler and controlled in its pretensions. Like The Ice Storm, this gets a sense of time, humanity and loss of innocence from the POV of a teenager absolutely correct. Dano is going to be a sensitive director of actors with a nicely restrained visual sense – his use of both colour and long shots are excellent. This is tense, heartbreaking but non-judgemental piece of debut filmmaking. I’m excited to see what he does next. Amanda Ford’s costume design is also spot-on.

8

Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Joseph Losey directs Jeanne Moreau, Stanley Baker and Virna Lisi in this Venice-set drama where a young author with inner demons falls for a malicious high class call girl.

Lust becomes a warzone. Jeanne Moreau’s enigmatic and callous siren manipulates, berates and destroys her prey. She slinks about to jazz records like a jigsaw puzzle piece. She appears at Venice landmarks like a phantom. She laughs in your face with animalistic glee as you forsake your last shred of dignity. It is a great physical performance by Jeanne Moreau who looks fabulous. Stanley Baker is a bit of a lunk so you have no real sympathy for him as the brainwashed victim of her sexy bullying. Italy looks damp, ornate and harsh – still very beautiful. Losey’s direction experiments with jump cuts and symbolism. Everything is desolate, and yet even the desolation is gorgeously enthralling. Would make a great double bill with Don’t Look Now.

8

Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Don Taylor directs Linda Hamilton, Geena Davis and James Franciscus in this TV movie espionage melodrama where young Russian girls are trained to be KGB honeytraps.

So an early crack at the plot of Nikita or Red Sparrow or Anna… but without any of the sex or violence. I guess you are supposed to get caught up in the across-the-superpowers romance. The direction is pretty flat, understandable for a TV production but Don Taylor directed Omen II and The Island of Doctor Moreau the decade before. Canada stands in awkwardly for Mother Russia. I watched mainly for Linda Hamilton but she’s pretty glum here.

3

Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Jean Cocteau directs himself, François Périer and Marie Déa in this time -hopping eulogy to his own surreal ambitions.

Episodic French weirdness. Some of it beautiful, some of it smart, a lot of it up its own arse.

4

Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Jean-Jacques Annaud directs Everett McGill, Ron Perlman and Rae Dawn Chong in this prehistoric adventure where three cavemen are sent out on a mission to save their tribe by stealing fire.

A genuinely captivating, pleasingly violent romp. Filmed on location in the wildest reaches of the globe, acted in grunts and made-up nonsense designed by Anthony Burgess. This is an epic production where you are intimately drawn into the leads quest, fears, vulnerability, arcs, lusts, desire and evolution.

7

Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Jean Cocteau directs Enrique Rivero, Elizabeth Lee Miller and Pauline Carton in this surreal classic where an artist becomes seduced and trapped by his own work and life.

Really just best to let the weirdness and iconoclasm wash over you in cinematic waves. Full of impressive practical effects work, conjuring and rug pulls.

7

Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/