John Waters directs Divine, David Lochary and Mary Vivian Pearce in this independent black comedy about a juvenile delinquent’s journey from single teen mother to the electric chair.
The first half is ribald and hilarious, the second half quite grim if you were to take it seriously. Don’t. Mink Stole steals the film as the bratty daughter. The highlight is probably a disfigured Divine vamping it along a busy pedestrian street and the real Baltimore people just blithely going about their day around her.
Eugène Lourié directs Paul Christian, Paula Raymond and Cecil Kellaway in this monster on the rampage movie.
We went to the Scottish Museum of Modern Art’s excellent Ray Harryhausen exhibition last weekend so it only seemed right we should watch one of of his special effects classics. A solid progenitor of Godzilla, this proves pretty standard sci-fi stuff until those final twenty minutes when a stop motion giant lizard is non-stop rollicking through New York. Lee Van Cleef pops up in the rollercoaster finale as the best sniper shot on the force.
Roger Donaldson directs Tom Cruise, Bryan Brown and Elisabeth Shue in this romance drama about a young bartender with a dream.
“When he pours, he reigns!” Like watching five years of a soap opera on fast forward, this never lays out why we should care about the dreams and desires of its wannabe yuppie himbo. The script just tragically assumes we share the hero’s juvenile values and dead eyed drive. It is so in love with Cruise’s pretty yet gormless bartender it never stops to consider how surreal the constant adulation reads to uncommitted eyes. The sad fact is a lot of the drink slinging and flair moves look nervous and cautious. Bryan Brown’s jaded guru flits in and out of the narrative… by the second act you wish we were following him and his hard earned bullshit rather than the callow youth. Hard to decipher what the entertainment value ever was here unless you are jonesing for Eighties cheese.
Billy Wilder directs Tom Ewell, Marilyn Monroe and Evelyn Keyes in this farce where a put upon book editor fantasises about the hottie upstairs while his family is away on holiday.
Dated sexual mores, toothless transgressions and a damp lead mean this handsomely filmed stage adaptation fails to live up to its classic status. Marilyn looks like a dream and lands the laughs, her overspilling sexuality and childlike innocence make her a difficult goddess to get a grip on. She makes the film, it crumbles whenever she is off screen, which is too often. Like watching one of those early Bugs Bunny cartoons where Porky Pig dominates.
Kim Ki-duk directs Jung-woo Ha, Ji-Yeon Park and Jun-yeong Jang in this disturbed Korean romance mystery where a jealous girlfriend ghosts her lover, gets identity altering plastic surgery and stalks him.
Even though I enjoyed every film of his I caught back in the day, I hadn’t really checked in with Kim Ki-duk since Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter… And Spring. It is fair to say that he continued to release extreme Asian cinema up until his death from COVID but was also under scrutiny over continued allegations of abuse and rape threats to his female cast members. Strangely, like Polanski, his works often have a misogynistic tone so it doesn’t really diminish their power to discover the man himself might have had violent lusts, a disregard for consent and a warped idea of gender equality. This unsettling little chiller is genuinely unnerving, with a strong visual sense despite its flat digital cinematography. If you’ve enjoyed films like Last Year at Marienbad, Seconds or Abre Los Ojos then this could well be up your alley. Time certainly caught me off guard with its obsessive twists and turns.
Martin Scorsese directs Leonard DiCaprio, Jonah Hill and Margot Robbie in this black comedy biopic about the scumbag who manipulated the already corrupt and deregulated stock market to the criminal limit.
Goodfellas, only about the real criminals. The excess and abandon is hypnotic and hilarious but Jordan Belfort’s downfall lacks the emotional sophistication of Henry Hill’s. Across the board, this is amazingly well cast and acted. A scabrous epic. “Gotta pump those numbers up. Those are rookie numbers in this racket. I myself, I jerk off at least twice a day.”
Ivan Reitman directs Harrison Ford, Anne Heche and David Schwimmer in this romantic adventure comedy where a grizzled pilot and an uptight city girl find themselves stranded on a desert island.
Admirable in its attempt to make a bright and breezy respin on The African Queen and Romancing the Stone. Ford is openly eyeing up what to do with his marquee cache when the running and punching inevitably becomes a less attractive option, Anne Heche is expressive and slightly grating in a tailor made breakout role. They just don’t gel… the sitcom relationships feel uncinematic, the humour lacks bites and you are left squinting at the luminescent production design hoping the bolted-on action won’t mar the view of the tropical locations. Lavishly forgettable.
Radley Metzger directs Constance Money, Jamie Gillis and Gloria Leonard in this classic porno where a sex expert trains up an uncouth prostitute.
One the more celebrated adult movies of “The Golden Age”. Critically tolerated in its day. Even Ebert covered it with an open mind. It has the decent production values of a well budgeted independent movie, rhythmic cross cutting, globetrotting location shoots and a kinky spin on the plot of Pygmalion. It is definitely a lot less grimier than any of its peers I’ve explored (Deep Throat, I’m pointing but certainly not looking at you.) The performers can act, have characters, look movie star attractive. Cute Constance Money could easily fit between PJ Soles and Jamie Lee Curtis in a decent slasher. Jamie Gillis has an Elliot Gould air about him. The movie has a wit, not up to Woody Allen levels but certainly not sub-Confessions of a Window Cleaner innuendo. At times it feels like an unintentional satire of how difficult it would be to enjoy everyday pleasures if people are allowed to be constantly at it in any setting. Misty Beethoven would make a stronger ‘Couples Movie’ than anything of its stripe I’ve seen so far. There is more dick on display than female nudity, rarely a scene goes by without an average sized cock being unzipped, pumped or sucked. For the first thirty minutes there is no sustained sex set pieces even if there are lots of random instances of fellatio. But the lengthier set pieces do come. They are sensual, well edited , the women often stay half clothed, any emphasis is on genitalia. It isn’t all vanilla sex. An old man in a Napoleon outfit is wanked off, later a handsome man is pegged with a strap-on. Women come out on top in most of the encounters, especially the coda. Compared to mainstream cinema or modern pornography this is still quite wonky, dated and unarousing. Yet it is outstanding in its field for 1976. If you are going to wager your evening on anything from this sub genre, this has to be the most appealing bet going. The Opening of Misty Beethoven did not need to try to be this competent to make money, so I’ve given it an above average score for purely that reason.
Bill Forsyth directs John Gordon Sinclair, Dee Hepburn and Clare Grogan in this Scottish teen romantic comedy where a quirky boy falls for the girl who takes his position on the school football team.
I know it is sacrilege to be a resident of Scotland and feel ambivalent to this cherished film. This is third time in my life I’ve put it on, and only the first time I’ve made it to the end. It clogs up the late night telly schedule like a monocultural punctuation mark. The mixture of amateur acting and mannered precociousness does little for me. Gregory’s Girl’s heart is in the right place, there are little splodges of magical realism, anti-Thatcherite poetry. For me though it is only notable for being the acting breakout of Altered Images and Red Dwarf’s Clare Grogan… and I do realise how age specific that niche is…
Paul Thomas Anderson directs Mark Wahlberg, Julianne Moore and Burt Reynolds in this expansive black comedy following a company of adult entertainment makers at the tail end of the Porno Chic era.
And Philip Seymour Hoffman. And John C Reilly. And tinkerbell with her titties out Heather Graham. And cowboy Don Cheadle. And Melora Walters. And Luis Guzmán. And cuckolded William H Macy. And Nina Hartley. And Philip Baker Hall. And moustachioed Thomas Jane. And crazed Alfred Molina. What a cast! For many this was their jumping off point into above the title fame… or a course correction after a few years in the career doldrums. Everyone is fantastic here. Even if you put a gun to my head and I had to pick one standout performance I could probably only whittle it down to four names. BANG! I haven’t actually watched this since a late night cinema trip on release. I remember we used to go to the Park Royale multiplex after the pubs closed and maybe an almost three hour movie was a bad idea to start watching at least five pints in and that late. I remember almost dozing off, then the firecracker sequence jolting me back to attention like a line of cocaine. BANG! I knew it was good, and nearly all of it attached itself to my consciousness the morning, year and decades after. The DVD copy I bought is degraded and shitty. Gonna have to invest in a Blu-Ray. PTA is still finding his feet here, Boogie Nights is one of his best but it also apes Altman, Scorsese, Ashby, De Palma and Tarantino too slavishly. He would need a few more features to make these moves his own, out grow his influences. For example, he tries to get away with the same bad situation ending in bloodshed but also redemption twice in the same act. Sloppy. Yet all this is exactly my jam. You are left wanting more from every character. Every situation. You wanna watch a Reed Rothchild and Rollergirl double feature. BANG! You wonder where they all are now? We are already further away from 1997 now than Anderson was from 1983 where we leave them. Boogie Nights 2 really wouldn’t be that limiting a choice for his next project, would it?
