Edward Berger directs Ralph Fiennes, Stanley Tucci and Sergio Castellitto in this mystery thriller where an unambitious cardinal must navigate the back stabbings and conspiracies as he organises the election of the next pope.

The Vatican goes 10 Little Indians… only instead of murders reputations are obliterated and we aren’t looking for a killer but the next Pope. There is something very tickling about a mere airport novel given the full prestige treatment… but then again what was The Godfather but exactly that. Berger conjures up some striking imagery – every frame is a painting. He amps the reds while somehow making everything else desaturated. When it comes to lending rituals ominous significance he has the eye. The actual drama is a little stilted. There is as much camp as there is insight, Fiennes feels swaddled in a role that demands he is tightly coiled throughout. You kinda want that one scene where he lets rip yet it never arrives. That perhaps sums up Conclave to the penny. It always teeters on the edge of being something a bit more exciting. The final act goes off the rails with false spectacle and hollow twists to get us to that shock new pope. I’m not going to lie, I hoped for a modern classic here. It could still easily win Best Picture in the spring and in all honesty I can see me banging it on as an indulgence every other Easter weekend. Sergio Castellitto power playing a cad of cardinal has vaped his way into icon status after just one viewing. Puff that vape, you handsome old fascist.

7

Perfect Double Bill: Doubt (2008)

Robert Bierman directs Nicolas Cage, María Conchita Alonso and Jennifer Beals in this horror comedy where a yuppie is convinced he is turning into a vampire and acts accordingly.

Hard not to be completely enthralled by Cage when he goes up to 11 for every scene. Absolutely untethered from reality this is both bad tasting ham and screen acting as modern art. The movie itself is a third NYC location shoot freak show (and I love that) but the bulk is spread over three well rationed sets. This works as the best way to make a low budget flick in my opinion. Dangerously close in tone and themes to American Psycho, more so Mary Harron’s movie adaptation than the actual book. It is funny, disturbing, sad and tense. Yet very much Cage’s show the whole way through. Side note: Jennifer Beals is also very good as the vampire succubus.

8

Perfect Double Bill: American Psycho (2000)

You can follow me on Letterboxd here https://letterboxd.com/BobbyCarroll

Michael Gornick directs Lois Chiles, Tom Savini and George Kennedy in this horror anthology based on Stephen King short stories featuring a hit and run that won’t let go and a flesh eating blob in a lake.

Less starry and unloved, the second and third stories in this cheap sequel are better than anything in the original.

5

Perfect Double Bill: Creepshow (1982)

Jean-Marc Vallée directs Emily Blunt, Rupert Friend and Paul Bettany in this romantic period drama where the future queen has to navigate everyone trying to be in control of her before she takes the throne or a lover.

Every young British actress on the rise has to make one of these. It is the law. Blunt either lucked out or somehow managed to soar above her rote material. I reckon the reason this is a bit more special is the latter.

7

Perfect Double Bill: Mary Queen Of Scots (2018)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/ and my own Substack https://substack.com/@edinburghlaughterbulletin

Billy Wilder directs Humphrey Bogart, Audrey Hepburn and William Holden in this classic romcom where the chauffeur’s daughter comes back from Paris and turns the head of both the millionaire brothers where she lives.

Crystal clear dialogue. Perfect outfits. Witty silliness. The older you get the more you just want some immaculate magic in your life. Billy Wilder was a neat sorcerer. Audrey Hepburn will always be a overpowering spell. Bogart was too old but a good sport even so.

9

Perfect Double Bill: Roman Holiday (1953)

Costa-Gavras directs Debra Winger, Tom Berenger and John Heard in this thriller where an FBI informant goes undercover into a farming family with ties to the Neo-Nazi movement.

Joe Eszterhas’ salty script makes itself known in the first five seconds. Formally this has the same spine as his Basic Instinct or Jagged Edge or Jade. Is your lover the killer? Are you attracted to them, trying to get close enough to clear them of suspicion or are you seduced as much by the danger as the person? Only it ain’t wholesome like a sexy sex killer this time. They might be a racist terrorist leader of a white power group. Berenger is it at his best here and Debra Winger never made enough like this (see also: Black Widow). She really is great. The third act doesn’t know what to do with itself after some mad All-American Hate sequences where we go fully down the racist rabbit hole. But there’s a strange out-of-sync epilogue that is haunting. Too memorable and prescient to be hobbled by its obvious flaws.

7

Perfect Double Bill: A Stranger Among Us (1992)

You can follow me on Letterboxd here https://letterboxd.com/BobbyCarroll

P. J. Hogan directs Toni Collette, Rachel Griffiths and Bill Hunter in this dark Aussie indie comedy where a sad sack loner steals money from her parents and starts a new life for herself centered around a fantasy wedding.

Australian cinema split two ways until the 1990s. There were the carefully crafted, politically charged dramas and thrillers of the New Wave (see Peter Weller or Bruce Beresford). Or the demented Ozploitation that reached its pinnacle with the Mad Max trilogy. By the last decade of the 20th century though all that talent had fucked off to Hollywood leaving a void for quirkier voices to fill. A lot of the cinema Australia exported was independent, satirical and gaudy. Far more interested in skewering suburban attitudes than rampaging through the outback or exposing top level corruption. Muriel’s Wedding is probably the peak of this second cycle. The audience who embraced it love it. I find it way too shrill and tonally discombobulating. It can be really camp, then really bleak. Switching on an unsettling dime. The closest thing it probably matches is John Waters later works where he had professional crews and big name stars to play with. There are iconic moments here… ABBA is utilised so well that you know Mamma Mia couldn’t exist without Muriel. Any film that introduced both Toni Collette and Rachel Griffiths to the world has to be worth a movie fan’s time. When I was 15 this felt like a waste of a video rental. These days it still isn’t for me but I can at least see it’s value.

6

Perfect Double Bill: Strictly Ballroom (1992)

Dome Karukoski directs Pekka Strang, Seumas Sargent and Chris Myland in this trad biopic about the life and art of Touko Laaksonen, a Finnish homoerotic artist who glorified beefcakes in leather and uniforms.

A fascinating figure in gay culture and outsider art is given a bog standard biopic. I learnt but I didn’t love.

6

Perfect Double Bill: The Notorious Bettie Page (2005)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/ and my own Substack https://substack.com/@edinburghlaughterbulletin

İlker Çatak directs Leonie Benesch, Anne-Kathrin Gummich and Rafael Stachowiak in this German drama where a new teacher struggles to trust anyone when a series of thefts occur in her staff room.

Constantly escalating, emotionally chilling. A quicksand situation where the stakes are low, everyday, recognisable. Yet every decision leads to further complications and deeper conflicts. This taut little shocker puts Leonie Benesch through the wringer and she rises to the challenge with quiet intensity. A name making lead performance. A stark reflection of current working practices in education and the wider western world. Where corporate policy, victim playing and toxic team dynamics stifle any chance to achieve… anything.

8

Perfect Double Bill: Playground (2021)

You can follow me on Letterboxd here https://letterboxd.com/BobbyCarroll

Liliana Cavani directs Dirk Bogarde, Charlotte Rampling and Philippe Leroy in this post-war Nazi drama where a hotel clerk revives his controlling relationship with a young woman he coerced into sex when he was her concentration camp overseer.

Controversial in its day, just a bit moribund now. It is a ripe idea but this delivery switches from obtuse to oblivion. Offers the viewer very little but some shocking SS kink imagery and weak old man conspiracy. Bogarde and Rampling are strong despite their frustratingly unexplored characters.

5

Perfect Double Bill: The Damned (1969)