Pablo Larraín directs Natalie Portman, Peter Sarsgaard and Greta Gerwig in this fractured recreation of Jackie Kennedy’s reaction to her husband’s assassination.

I was a bit unwell when viewing this and dozed for a chunk in the middle (woken with a snap by the bullet tearing through JFK’s skull no less) so I am going to give it the benefit of the doubt. The sumptuous production design and Portman’s equally elegant central turn are winners but the mosaic style structure means this feels like a slightly hollow tribute to an icon rather than a propulsive narrative, a cold hard monument rather than a lyrical song you can get caught up in. Admitting there may be parts my nap overlooked, this did not feel the sum of them all at close.

6

Stephen Herek directs Christina Applegate, Joanna Cassidy and Josh Charles in this comedy about some obnoxiously useless siblings who have to fend for themselves over summer vacation when their elderly babysitter pegs it. 

Too much subplot and not enough jokes mean this essentially becomes a vehicle to dress the appealing but underdeveloped Applegate in a variety of neon coloured outfits. Only one point off the score I gave Silence below, due to the utter lack of laughs in both, I’d still probably watch this again over that if channel surfing late one night.

4

Martin Scorsese directs Andrew Garfield, Adam Driver and Yōsuke Kubozuka in this tale of Jesuit priests who travel to feudal Japan to spread the Catholic faith, at a time when the religion is being violently stamped out. 

A tough one this. Though mastefully made (there are blips of shock and awe that are wholly affecting) and containing committed performances (the Japanese cast members particularly stand out) throughout, Silence boils down to 150 minutes of increasingly grubby priests allowing people to suffer while they hide or cower in a variety of different wooden boxes. And if you take that as an examination of faith under arduous pressure, fair play to you, that’s Marty’s intention. But the agnostic in me would have much rather have seen him use all his enviable powers revisiting philosophically troubled mobsters, coked up penny share millionaire brokers or ageing pool hustlers rather than passive men in vintage dog collars crying as the people they led down the garden path suffer because of their obstinate delusions. I was unengaged, adrift by the last third as Garfield prayed directly at me to let the madness, he was a party to, end. It is still a strikingly beautiful movie and hard to fault on a technical level.

5

Jim Henson directs Jennifer Connelly, David Bowie and Brian Henson in this fantasy adventure about a teenage girl who has to complete a surreal maze to rescue her baby brother from a seductive villain. 

The kitsch pleasures of an underage Connelly and a rampant Bowie facing off against each other in a battle of sexual wills somewhat overshadows the keen practical effect work, moments of whipsmart craftmanship (the kidnapping of the babe and existential peril in the junkyard are as sharply effective as any pair of sequences in an adult horror of the same vintage) and the charming, jaunty finale. It is a camp, inappropriate meander first and foremost with daft songs and overly revealing costumes but there’s enough quality components embedded throughout that you can still appreciate Labyrinth without having to elbow the person next to you in the ribs every five minutes. Makes a fine triple bill with Return to Oz and Willow.

8

John McTiernan directs Bruce Willis, Alan Rickman and Bonnie Bedelia in this Christmas Eve action thriller about an off duty cop trapped in a skyscraper with some financially motivated hostage takers. 

I really don’t need to sing Die Hard’s praises, I’ve never met anyone of any stripe, age, creed or colour who does not love it. And I wouldn’t want to. We all know it is something special – the golden crown of modern Hollywood filmmaking studded with jewels of blisteringly involving action, whipsmart black comedy, a mature romance and a blanket of cynicism not in anyway managing to cover a whole mountain of ancillary festive cheer. I first watched it on pirate video, at one point concurrently owned the official widescreen VHS special edition and a taped version off TV with break for the News at Ten slapbang in the middle, have burnt through various DVD copies and presently have the Ultimate Die Hard collection boxset sitting proudly in my BluRay stack. I’m not going to rush now and pick it apart… no doubt I’ll do a big franchise overview at some point soon… but if I could just put my finger on why what should be just another orgy of mindless violence works quite so well… In my opinion, it is the unusually indepth attention to character. Not just in the cinematic icon that is John McClane (“He’s an easy guy to like, but a hard man to kill” as the gravelly trailer voice man sold him to us as… McClane is just ordinary guy right down to his maybe-has-been-in-a-few-drunken-bar-brawls fighting ‘technique’, we all know this bloke), but all the dramatis personae has been cast, named, lavished with a semblance of real humanity so that even Terrorist #12 has a quirky sweet tooth, the electricity worker his own shit he’s dealing with and we can read years of backstory between a hack journalist and an anchorman in one simple foul mouthed exchange. Die Hard is like a stick of rock in that care runs through it consistently from tip to toe, a Christmas pudding in that all manner of tasty stuff is crammed throughout it so it never gets dull or predictable. Typing this, I really want to just watch it again right now.

Marco: No more table! Where are you going to go now? Let me give you some advice: Next time you have the chance to kill someone, don’t hesitate!
John McClane: (Kills him) Thanks for the advice.

And I never even mentioned Rickman’s Hans Gruber…

10

 

Jonathan Lynn directs Joe Pesci, Marisa Tomei and Fred Gwynne in this fish out of water comedy about a wise guy from New York’s first case as a qualified lawyer being the trial of his cousin for a murder in Alabama.

I owned this on VHS as a teenager so watched it plenty… and then seemingly abandoned it for 20 years. Which is a shame as it still holds up remarkably well. Both the trial and the comedy are tightly plotted and well executed with Pesci, Gwynne and Austin Pendleton eking out extra chuckles wherever they can. Marisa Tomei, wins man of the match though, with all the best lines, outfits and a near-merciless rhythm in her argumentative patter with the eponymous lead. She deserved that Oscar she won (back when they gave awards to fun support performances in hits, rather than most prestigious piece of support casting in trophy bait productions) and it’s a shame she got relegated back to wife and girlfriend roles so quickly again after this brilliant breakout role.

7

 

 

Roger Donaldson directs Natasha Henstridge, Ben Kingsley and Michael Madsen in this Earth set sci-fi about a team tracking a hot woman made with deadly alien DNA. 

I remember Species being schlocky fun, full of tits and violence, with a decent cast… after revisiting its dawdling, exposition heavy nonsense though I regret to report there were only trace levels of nudity, action, cheese and chunks. The concept and the creature design deserve a better, or at least a more enthusiastic movie, and once an affecting young Michelle Williams goes into her adult birthing chrysalid to turn supermodel killer the pace droops to sputteringly laconic. Poor.

4

James Ponsoldt directs Jason Segel, Jesse Eisenberg and Joan Cusack in this recreation of weekend long interview between the guarded author of Infinite Jest and a concieted Rolling Stones journalist.

Essentially a series of verbal sparring rounds between a self aware man and a jealous journalist, who clearly shouldn’t be trusted, in various wintery diners, hotels and passenger seats. We are supposed to see David Foster Wallace’s actions and mood swings as eccentricities but in all honesty, when stuck with Jessie Eisenberg’s typical take on the needy, petulant and insidious interviewer, his reactions seem perfectly valid. The two actors’ chemistry shines through, both retaining enough mystery in their motivations to keep you intrigued, and the dialogue is never less than intelligent and insightful. It made me want to give Infinite Jest, the author’s doorstop breakthrough, a try… so mission accomplished. A humorous and touching look at creative success and failure.

7

John Hamburg directs James Franco, Bryan Cranston and Megan Mullally in this Meet the Parents for the app generation. 

So meanderingly unfunny they should have just called it “Why?”

1

Ivan Reitman directs Arnold Schwarzenegger, Penelope Ann Miller and Pamela Reed in this comedy about an inappropriately tough city cop who goes undercover teaching five year olds.

Although I watched it a lot as a kid I never ever thought of Kindergarten Cop as a good movie. It lacked the spunk of Twins and the mania of Last Action Hero and the calculated perfection of True Lies. I never thought I would watch it again as a balding, greying man man. But sometimes you are stuck in a hotel room at the mercy of a TV schedule… And it was very watchable; the cast work hard, no scene exists without a punchline or a narrative point and I was taken back to that wonderful feeling of easy, colourful pleasures that an Arnie flick all but guaranteed growing up. It was undemanding fun and I enjoyed it again.

6