John Huston directs Marilyn Monroe, Clark Gable and Eli Wallach in this drama of alcoholics who shack up together outside Reno.

Tragic movie legends in their final roles. America losing what made it great. Wild horses being corralled and sold for pennies on the dollar. Might just be the saddest all-star movie ever made. The first hour feels claustrophobic like a play, the second half… epic but unrelentingly bleak. Thelma Ritter’s support performance is measured and warm… everyone else has the slight whiff of unbalanced stunt casting. Wouldn’t rush to rewatch despite its status and strength, ambitions and pretensions.

6

Perfect Double Bill: Wise Blood (1979)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

David Fincher directs Michael Fassbender, Tilda Swinton and Kerry O’Malley in this hitman thriller where a professional killer sets his world right after a job goes wrong.

Consummately made, apart from some purposefully frazzled hand held work, but also a tad disappointing. If Fincher was making a film a year this would be a perfectly adequate fallow year, downtime project. But considering what a patient predator he is – meticulous, exacting and expert – The Killer feels quite underwhelming. It is essentially his Bourne or Haywire… but not quite as pleasurable as either. To quote The Strokes… “Is This It?”. Imagine if Kubrick made Running Scared or The Dream Team instead of Full Metal Jacket? Fassbender is sturdy as the cold fish lost in a sea of The Smiths and his own bite sized maxims. Swinton gives her usual David Bowie worthy level of showy cameo acting. Kerry O’Malley stands out in her section as the secretary who knows too much and accepts her fate. She is the only performance that doesn’t aim for a chilled flatline. Action-wise it is slim pickings and the one big fight is dampened by the knowledge that our anti-hero’s slight girlfriend overpowered this seemingly unstoppable nemesis off camera already in the second act. That blink at the end… a sign of humanity infiltrating our protagonist or perhaps he shouldn’t have enjoyed that dram… Still, better than most movies out there… maybe it will grow on me. I love a hitman movie, this has solid procedural work, some smart practicalities. I was just expecting… more.

7

Perfect Double Bill: Haywire (2011)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

Jason Woliner directs Sacha Baron Cohen, Maria Bakalova and Rudy Giuliani in this comedy sequel to the satirical ‘Kazakstan’ prank journalist smash.

The Borat character is too recognisable for this to work how you need it to. The movie acknowledges that, tries valiantly to work around the problem but the live stunts never have the danger or the crackle of the daring original. Bakalova is sweetly awesome as the cage dwelling teen daughter discovering feminism. Probably would have been better to keep this as pure fiction with a tight script and support actors in on the gags… Still, funny in spits and starts.

6

Perfect Double Bill: Borat (2006)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Richard C. Sarafian directs Gary Busey, Yaphet Kotto and Denise Galik in this cheap actioner based on the song from Rocky.

Busey is the ex con / Vietnam vet who takes down a biker gang. The tone of this is all over the shop. The heartless, darkest moments of pure exploitation like Mad Max meets the finale of a The A-Team episode. Sarafian is a good director of VHS action and knows how to frame his villain. Busey is a little too intense for a vanilla lead but my God I love him. A pass.

5

Perfect Double Bill: Walking Tall (1973)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

Gary Sherman directs Rutger Hauer, Gene Simmons and Robert Guillaume in this action thriller where a bounty hunter tracks a Middle Eastern terrorist.

Big fan of Rutger Hauer but, a few explosions aside, this never really gets going. The poster and trailer are a fond memory from my video rental youth. The movie proves lacklustre and has a weird plot wrinkle in the middle where two major characters are killed off quite shockingly yet there then seems to be very few narrative or emotional repercussions from the deaths.

4

Perfect Double Bill: Wedlock (1991)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

John Dahl directs Linda Fiorentino, Peter Berg and Bill Pullman in this neo-noir where a woman on the run rules the men in her life with an iron cunt.

A once in a lifetime lead role for Fiorentino. Her Bridget Gregory is a middle class Catherine Tramell. Willing to do anything to win, often exploiting her sexuality over the weak men she can use as a stepping stone, mouth like a marine. Phwoar! Plot has some good twists too. Grainy on-location photography and a sweet noir-ish sax score.

7

Perfect Double Bill: Jade (1995)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

Guy Ritchie directs Jason Statham, Aubrey Plaza and Hugh Grant in this espionage movie where a group of private contractors persuade a movie star to help them infiltrate one of his biggest fans: a ruthless arms dealer.

The trademark bramble bush plotting of a Guy Ritchie caper never solidifies here. Action and comedy happen but it all relays back to us really flat and limp. Statham and Plaza have the potential for some unlikely on-screen chemistry but are given little to do together. Only Hugh Grant’s oily but passionate villain has any spark.

4

Perfect Double Bill: Spy (2015)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Mike Marvin directs Charlie Sheen, Sherilyn Fenn and Nick Cassavetes in this teen sci-fi supernatural revenge car gang flick.

A drag racer remake of High Plains Drifter with an unexplained UFO sci-fi element to it. Charlie Sheen turned up for one crammed day of filming. He’s barely in the movie despite being the lead. So we assume he is also The Wraith, a stuntman permanently in black leather and black biker helmet. He’s getting revenge against a Mad Max style road gang who also therefore have to wear helmets when racing. Safety doesn’t exactly suit their oily punk vibe but hey-ho. A hot and heavy crotch rock soundtrack and a hot and heavy Sherilyn Fenn just about save this. Charlie was unsurprisingly available to film his sex scene. Never boring, rarely coherent. Something something about Clint Howard’s Eraserhead hair.

5

Perfect Double Bill: Tuff Turf (1985)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

Charles Shyer directs Steve Martin, Diane Keaton and Martin Short in this sequel to the remake involving pregnancies and further mid-life crises.

A movie made more for the agents than anyone else on this earth. Would fill a mid length flight adequately.

4

Perfect Double Bill: Father Of the Bride (1991)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/