Eternals (2021)

Chloé Zhao directs Angelina Jolie, Gemma Chan and Richard Madden in this Marvel superhero movie where ancient immortals protect the Earth from one particular nasty, and are not permitted to intervene otherwise.

Handsome but sophoric. Imagine if Terrence Malick had directed an early 1990s toyline advert… and I mean that in the least sarcastic way possible. Notable for MCU sex, MCU gay kissing and MCU’s continued complete and utter failure to try and get away with a standalone entry. The sad thing is 20 minutes in I’d thought gotten this one wrong, underestimated Zhao as a gun-for-hire. But then nothing happens… slowly. Out of nowhere there’s a fascinating cascade of revelations in the middle act, the world shattering ramifications of which are then never further explored. The ensemble of blank characters just hang out on their ship dragging their feet before an underwhelming finale. Has the time zig zagging structure of Watchmen but none of the brazen extreme confidence of a Snyder to pull such a storytelling coup off. Bryan Tyree Henry keeps his head admirably above the weak material.

4

Perfect Double Bill: Hulk (2003)

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

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