G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra (2009)

Stephen Sommers directs Channing Tatum, Sienna Miller & Joseph Gordon-Levitt in this action movie based on the 1980s toy line about the covert war between a fantastical American military unit and the evil Cobra.

I used to love these little action figures with their outlandish uniforms and specialist skills. When the animated Action Force: The Movie was released exclusively on retail VHS via Marks & Spencers (in a bizarre corporate deal for a middle class department store to negotiate considering they didn’t even sell toys… let alone these toys) I watched it religiously. This movie can never live up to strange imprinting scenes of Cobra Commander turning into a snake and the Statue of Liberty’s face being the arena for a pitched war battle. But in all honesty if I was nine years old again this has enough slam bang and colour that I wouldn’t be bored. The Mummy and Deep Rising director does comic book carnage really well. His action is grand, kinetic and colourful. The vague concessions to plot and human emotion are simplistic and unintrusive. And for boys of all ages bad girl Miller and good girl Rachel Nichols flex about in tight outfits that spill out around the chest area effectively. Channing Tatum allegedly was contractually obliged to make it and his is the least committed performance, but he works out tops off for the girls. It ain’t Shakespeare, Tarantino or even Action Force: The Movie (“Cobra-Lalalalala!”) but it does exactly what it sets out to do on the tin… loudly!

5

Check out my wife Natalie’s Point Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

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