Franco Zeffirelli directs Joan Plowright, Maggie Smith and Cher in this ensemble wartime drama where the elderly ex-pats in Fascist Italy rally around an abandoned young bastard and raise him.

Not my cup of tea. For starters… I don’t like tea. Silly old birds make terrible decisions in the eye of war that we are supposed to see as feisty defiance. Beyond the fact that this type of affair holds little attraction for me, the repetitive narrative falls apart for three key reason; 1) Just how unlikable ageing British poshos are. Especially when en masse and bickering. 2) How soft and forgiving the Nazis and their Italian counterparts are… these are clearly not the cunts who ran Auschwitz or fought the Blitzkrieg into Russia. The biddies should be lined up against the wall after their first infraction. 3) The idea that Cher is some kind of irresistible, luminescent beauty that would drive a young lad to sexual jealousy! Risible pap for a niche matinee market. Positives: Lily Tomlin is in it and Florence looks nice.

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