Alan Parker directs Madonna, Antonio Banderas and Jonathan Pryce in this musical biopic of a facist’s trophy wife.

Don’t Cry For Me Argentina aside… The songs are awful. The politics are awful. The looping of the lyrics and the mouth movements are abysmal. After 30 minutes of watching a stumbling Madonna half heartedly whore herself into a position of power the movie is left with 90 minutes and nowhere but an interminable loop to go. There’s no romance, affection or agency. There’s no real story. You kinda know there’s a better biopic to be salvaged from Eva Peron’s life, a better use for the sepia and sunlight and seven thousand extras. Yet it would be in the service of celebrating a figurehead for a military dictatorship. The musical it is based on and this adaptation bookend the Thatcher era. Maybe Britons secretly crave the boot on their neck?

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