Captain EO (1986)

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Francis Ford Coppola directs Michael Jackson, Angelica Huston and Tony Cox in this sci-fi adventure music video meant to accompany a Disneyland attraction. 

The cunt in me could spend more words than minutes of runtime describing all the rubbish rubbish that happens in this short very, very expensive movie. But I shan’t. Talent involved aside, it is just juvenile lowest common denominator bobbins centered around a rockstar who, when he acts, is a charisma vacuum. And this is written from someone who listened to his LP of Thriller this very morning, owned the brilliant DVD of MJs music videos and completed Moonwalker on the Sega Megadrive as a boy. The sad fact is every trip to Disney in Paris I have been on, this ride has been closed and now it’s being replaced by an Ant-Man ride. So curious, I bit the bullet and watched it out of context. I mean I tried to wobble about on my seat for the first scene but eventually gave up. It is just shite. Easily the worst thing George Lucas has written, Michael has danced in and FFC has shat his talent away on. I cannot say anything constructive.

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