Stargate (1994)

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Roland Emmerich directs Kurt Russell, James Spader and Jaye Davidson in this sci-fi epic about a military mission through a portal to the other side of the galaxy and the alien pharaoh whom enslaves the humans trapped on the other side. 

Egyptology set and costume design pop, and David Arnold’s score (composed while still dayjobbing in a video rental shop) out John William’s John Williams. That’s your only positives – everything else is sub-Spielbergian dregs. Shots are repeated ad infinitum on the cheap, there’s no action for an hour, when it arrives it is about as pulse raising as a glass of lukewarm milk. The finale involves child soldiers trained by a man whose character arc is getting over the fact his child accidentally shot himself – what’s that nasty taste in my mouth? The villian is surrounded by a harem of barely clothed kids – it tastes like shit in my mouth? The Crying Game’s Jaye Davidson allegedly had such a horrid experience on this his second feature he completed his last scene, stripped off naked on set and never worked in a feature again. Kurt usually brings a bubblegum variation on John Wayne to such tosh but even The Duke himself would look more comfortable among all the cliched Chariots of the Gods / John Carter copycating. And the movie wastes creepy/sexy Mr Spader in a wet lead role. Exactly what you don’t want from this premise, exactly what you don’t want from this cast. Devastatingly poor.

3

 

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