Bobby Carroll's Movie Diary

Kiah Roache-Turner directs Alyla Browne, Ryan Corr and Penelope Mitchell in this Aussie horror comedy where a little girl adopts a killer alien spider in her family’s building.

Very much a game of spot the influences. I have no real problems with a movie celebrating Arachnophobia / Gremlins / Critters / Aliens (/Evil Dead Rise?) but this never finds that celluloid delirium to make it anything more than a one watcher. Flirts with bad taste but not in a way that demands a cult following. Not going to lie, I had higher hopes for this daft, creepy little try hard.

5

Perfect Double Bill: Eight Legged Freaks (2002)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

Louis Garrel directs himself, Roschdy Zem and Noémie Merlant in this French romantic crime comedy drama where a depressed adult son grows suspicious of his mum’s new husband – a reformed ex-con.

All over the shop in terms of tone but kinda sweet. All the competing layers coalesce together nicely. A frippery but a frippery for adults at least.

6

Perfect Double Bill: The Beautiful Person (2008)

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Tom Shadyac directs Eddie Murphy, Eddie Murphy and Jada Pinkett-Smith in this comedy where a clumsy overweight professor invents a formula that turns him into a confident ladies’ man.

The opening act has some very amusing broad comedy but all the energy, fantastic make-up FX by Rick Baker and budget doesn’t have enough direction or intent to find a satisfying conclusion.

5

Perfect Double Bill: Bowfinger (1999)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

Robert Lorenz directs Liam Neeson, Kerry Condon and Jack Gleeson in this Irish period thriller where a retiring hitman must protect the sleepy village he hides out in when the IRA comes to town.

Liam Neeson in a genuinely decent one shocker. A relaxed pace and minimal blarney. This feels pretty heartfelt for a post In Bruges thriller. Lovely ensemble and location. You care about the characters as much as the face offs. Once you get to know this community any threat to them has far more impact no matter how low stakes the tension might be. Joffrey Baratheon makes his big adult acting comeback and stands out as a wild eyed charmer who isn’t as bad as you’d first expect. More from him please, more like this from our Liam too.

7

Perfect Double Bill: Calvary (2014)

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Guy Nattiv directs Helen Mirren, Camille Cottin and Liev Schreiber in this biopic recreating the manoeuvrings of Golda Meir, the 4th Prime Minister of Israel, during the Yom Kippur War.

Well acted but leaves a bad taste in the mouth. Arty when it should be nuanced. The fag budget for this one must have been through the roof.

4

Perfect Double Bill: The Iron Lady (2011)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

Marcus Nispel directs Karl Urban, Moon Bloodgood and Clancy Brown in this period action adventure pitching the Viking hordes against the noble Native Americans.

A bold Eighties horror movie inspired production design and some very, very violent action. Dredd V The Kurgan. Sounds right up my alley?! And for 30 minutes it is. Then Pathfinder becomes so repetitive that I started washing up, shaving, brushing my teeth, etc and it soon became relegated to background noise. Am I to blame?

5

Perfect Double Bill: Apocalypto (2007)

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Paola Cortellesi directs herself, Valerio Mastandrea and Romana Maggiora Vergano in this period comedy drama following a beaten wife’s efforts towards a better life in post-war Italy.

When a flick is marketed as the movie that beat Barbie at its domestic box office… well… that sets these alarm bells ringing. You only have to have to tap out after watching a few of the homegrown billion dollar behemoths that dominate the People’s Republic Of China to know nationalistic popular cinema ain’t nothing to crow about. To pick an example closer to this: Italy’s Life Is Beautiful was a monstrosity of cloying mawk and silly tragedy that the world seemed blindsided by only 25 years ago. And there is some shared DNA with that beloved clusterfuck here. There’s Still Tomorrow even has a Chaplin inspired physical grace to its violence that seems like a bold choice. Should they show the bruises rather than soften the punches? Is the “hip” 21st century jukebox soundtrack a smart decision? Or does it imbue moments with strength and defiance not yet obvious in our protagonist’s actions? All the way through I was uncertain. The lush monochrome cinematography and Cortellesi’s nuanced and iconic central turn overrides my doubts. And the twist finale happens and I left with a smile on my face. Pleased the rocky road had led to the “correct” message of hope. It won me over fully in the closing moments. There were a few times throughout the story when the bigger picture was glimpsed in the background and it revealed itself in a perfect way.

7

Perfect Double Bill: The Basilisks (1963)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

Viggo Mortensen directs Vicky Krieps, Solly McLeod and himself in this dramatic western exploring the interrupted relationship between two immigrants in the frontier after war, duty and vengeance separate them.

Most Hollywood westerns, as much as I love them, ignore the fact that the white people who carved out dominion of the Americas would not all sound like they were born and bred in Texas. Focus is often on the lawlessness rather than the culture. The incongruously bright fabrics in the dusty wilderness, the sharing of books, the birth of commerce, the masculine world with traces of a future home embedded within them like fortune cookie notes. This tender tough romance with rifles redresses the balance. The location and ensemble are spot on. The scale is both intimate and expansive, near fantastical in moments. An award worthy central performance by Krieps anchors all the ambition. Slow but more than worth your time.

7

Perfect Double Bill: Meek’s Cutoff (2010)

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Adil & Bilall directs Will Smith, Martin Lawrence and Joe Pantoliano in this buddy cop quadrel where the Bad Boys are framed and on the run.

Very much the Lethal Weapon 4 of the series. Legacy character overload and very little narrative propulsion. Just a series of goofy sequences strung together. The camera abuse is off the chain. Martin Lawrence puts in his best ever shift and I actually laughed at Marcus’ insanity this time around. Shame that as good as the action often is there are only three set pieces with our actual heroes. The helicopter spiral sequence is a modern wonder of celluloid carnage though, recalling the excesses of the Bay-hem in Bad Boys II.

6

Perfect Double Bill: Bad Boys For Life (2020)

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Michael Mann directs Chris Hemsworth, Tang Wei and Viola Davis in this globe trotting hacker hunt thriller.

Left me cold at the cinema on release but worked just fine the second time on the small screen. A slick, sparse process movie that reminds me of a cooler version of all the cyber security training videos I have to watch at work once a month. There’s a blankness to the acting, a brutalism to the landscapes. When action ignites it has the punch and the edge that only Mann can deliver. The exotic romanticism and seductive capabilities of Miami Vice are leant into even harder here by one of my favourite auteurs.

7

Perfect Double Bill: Swordfish (2001)

You can follow me on Letterboxd here https://letterboxd.com/BobbyCarroll