Stewart Raffill directs Denise Richards, Paul Walker and Terry Kiser in this teen sci-fi romantic comedy where a cheerleader’s new crush is injured in a gang incident and a deranged scientist puts his brain in an animatronic dinosaur.

The epitome of a cult item. When this was released and I was very much the target market (a rent anything video store teen) I had no idea it even existed. It features stars before they went on to become household names and to act in (slightly) better projects. It was seemingly only made as a movie producer bought a second hand animatronic dinosaur and needed to use it in a film. And the theatrical release removed all the black comedy gore to secure a more family friendly rating. We watched the uncut version, lovingly rereleased by 101 Films. The end result is kinda sweet and very bonkers. The violence is occasional but full on. The support characters are so pantomime that their hamminess wins you over. When the special effects cut corners they make no apologies and just lean into the obvious con. The script feels cobbled together at random, cocaine haphazard. And by Act Two you have zero doubts or qualms that Denise Richards wants to fuck an animatronic dinosaur. Cool.

7

Perfect Double Bill: Buffy The Vampire Slayer (1992)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Ben Wheatley directs Jason Statham, Wu Jing and Sophia Cai in this prehistoric monster shark sequel.

Bonkers but in a flat, corporate, formulaic way. The cast is very charismatic (even the fodder) but two thirds of their dialogue is spoken out of shot so that the appropriate international market’s language can be ADR’d in. A disaster movie middle section where survivors have to trek across a ravenous ocean floor is the highlight. Either that or a shot from inside the megladon’s chomping mouth as it hits tourist season. I didn’t expect too much and Meg 2 fulfilled its simple brief. Would have preferred a few more blatant Wheatley touches but he does feel present in the mix. My first 2DX experience, projecting the movie on the sidewalls didn’t add much.

5

Perfect Double Bill: The Meg (2018)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

Diao Yinan directs Fan Liao, Gwei Lun-Mei and Xuebing Wang in this Chinese neo-noir where a disgraced detective begins working an old case when he remembers suspects the new investigators may have overlooked.

Wanted to catch this earlier effort after the eerie but effective The Wild Goose Lake. This has one or two fantastic deadpan set pieces; a skating rink stalk, a salon bust that goes sideways. But the mystery is pretty straightforward even if the storytelling attempts to obfuscate it. Ends on a stretched out, arty note that will have art housey poseurs scratching their beards. Fan Liao and Gwei Lun-Mei put in gentle but complex turns.

7

Perfect Double Bill: The Wild Goose Lake (2019)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Jaume Collet-Serra directs Vera Farmiga, Peter Sarsgaard and Isabelle Fuhrman in this horror where a couple take in a weird orphan girl with deadly results.

Bought this in the Parisian equivalent of a Cash Convertor for a single euro. Bargain! The Middle Eastern dude behind the counter was super excited, chatting to me in French about ‘Esther’. Proof enough surely that if someone could make a third one with Isabelle Fuhrman (as a ghost?) there’d be a market for it. This isn’t quite as good as the bonkers late-in-the-day prequel First Kill. It needs twice the amount of murders to support a 2 hour running time and that big twist has never been that much of a shock. Still it is more than adequate as a glossy Saturday night special. Bring Esther back!

6

Perfect Double Bill: Orphan: First Kill (2022)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

Mark Dindal directs David Spade, John Goodman and Eartha Kitt in this Disney animated buddy comedy where a spoilt Incan emperor is turned into a llama.

A Disney I’ve only caught in bits and pieces up until now. The comedy is pretty strong and in every aspect has some cute Ren & Stimpy / Animaniacs vibes. Whether a Disney theatrical release should be “lowering” itself down to that level is one for the executives from twenty or so years ago but it holds up as a silly one-watcher. Kronk is the best henchman since Aladdin’s Iago.

6

Perfect Double Bill: Lilo & Stitch (2002)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Sofia Coppola directs Emma Watson, Katie Chang and Israel Broussard in this teen true crime drama where a group of high schoolers use social media to break into celebrities homes and “borrow” their lifestyle.

Easily Sofia’s weakest in that it has very little to say beyond that initial elevator pitch. There is (pointedly?) no emotional connection between us and the mini-thieves so it just kinda plays out like cold smoked salmon on a fried egg. I hope Megan Fox got her pillow pistol back?

5

Perfect Double Bill: Spring Breakers (2012)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

Mike Cahill directs Brit Marling, William Mapother and Robin Lord Taylor in this soft sci-fi where two loners, united by a tragedy, prepare for a parallel planet Earth to approach their own miserable existence.

Boring and pretentious. Whatever planet you are on.

3

Perfect Double Bill: Bicentennial Man (1999)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Jeremy Paul Kagan directs Meredith Salenger, John Cusack and Ray Wise in this kid’s adventure where a young teenager must ride the rails through Depression era America to reunite with her father.

A childhood favourite of Natalie’s, this really won me over on second watch. The gritty, authentic setting. The constant sense of peril. The brilliant dog acting. Salenger’s un-cute lead performance. Her chemistry with a generous Cusack. The exciting set pieces with convincing stunt work. The unforced air of futility to Natty Gann’s quest… and the ultimate heart pounding pay off. Every scene is pitched exactly right… never dumbing down for children but never crossing the line when exploring the hardwired bleakness. Yeah, more kids movies like this please.

9

Perfect Double Bill: Newsies (1992)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

Ralph Zondag and Eric Leighton direct D. B. Sweeney, Alfre Woodard and Ossie Davis in this first feature length CG animation from Walt Disney studios.

One downtime day when they could not get a special effect working on the set of Robocop, Paul Verhoeven and Phil Tippett devised a dinosaur feature where they would never have to worry about live action humans integrating unsuccessfully with go motion FX. They hired The Wild Bunch writer Walon Green to bash out a script… and 15 years later the end result was a Disney cartoon with all of their unlikely names floating around the periphery credits. To say Dinosaur was unduly dark or violent because of these early stage talents is unfair, you could pretty much say there’s a certain uncomfortable edge to well over half of the Mouse House’s kids films. But the plot has an apocalyptic air that is startling yet also a John Ford wagon train bonhomie, a jovial sense of community, that is the flick’s true strength. I’m guessing Walon brought that to the table. The combining of live action landscapes with CG creatures is successful – especially in the thrilling opening prologue which is dialogue free… a choice the whole movie should have made. And the subtext of out with old / survival of the fittest in a shifting landscape is curiously apt considering this is Disney’s first attempt to cut loose and leave behind hand drawn animation. Ultimately here is a fine, if a bit bland, adventure but the providence of Dinosaur proves fascinating.

6

Perfect Double Bill: The Good Dinosaur (2015)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Terry Zwigoff directs Thora Birch, Steve Buscemi and Scarlett Johansson in this indie teen comedy based on Daniel Clowes’ cult graphic novel.

Where the nerd things are. A summer of ignoring bad choices, not giving a fuck and the unexpected consequences. Thora Birch serves continual cunt in her best role. Her Goodwill salvaged looks just eat the screen up. Her Enid sums up that horrible space where your life is at a crossroads and it seems easier to just sit in-between four lanes of oncoming traffic than make a decision. It is the strongest written female teen protagonist role in cinema, or at least a photo finish between her and Reese Witherspoon’s equally iconic Tracy Flick. And the awkward, don’t go there, chemistry between her and Buscemi’s sad but constantly furious Seymour is a rubbernecking blast. You have no doubts as to why these two sometimes mean, casually irritable people might die alone… and age difference put to one awkward side, might be imperfect for each other. “He’s the exact opposite of everything I hate.” Many teenagers define themselves by their fandoms and tribes, but for Enid Coleslaw, it is her weaponised rejection of everything but the obscure and unloved that make her the loveable bitch she is. Zwigoff has a few very specific late 90s sub genres competing here – the aimless Gen X ‘Do nothing’ movie, the American Pie raunchy youth comedy and a weird anti modernity, anti ‘prescribed art’ counter culture death wail. He blends them really well… better than say Napoleon Dynamite that used Ghost World as a mood board but left the soul behind. The ambiguous ending is quite beautiful. All in – a misanthropic yet colourful teen gem that increases in value the more middle-aged it gets.

9

Perfect Double Bill: Bad Santa (2003)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/