Roger Donaldson directs Natasha Henstridge, Ben Kingsley and Michael Madsen in this Earth set sci-fi about a team tracking a hot woman made with deadly alien DNA. 

I remember Species being schlocky fun, full of tits and violence, with a decent cast… after revisiting its dawdling, exposition heavy nonsense though I regret to report there were only trace levels of nudity, action, cheese and chunks. The concept and the creature design deserve a better, or at least a more enthusiastic movie, and once an affecting young Michelle Williams goes into her adult birthing chrysalid to turn supermodel killer the pace droops to sputteringly laconic. Poor.

4

James Ponsoldt directs Jason Segel, Jesse Eisenberg and Joan Cusack in this recreation of weekend long interview between the guarded author of Infinite Jest and a concieted Rolling Stones journalist.

Essentially a series of verbal sparring rounds between a self aware man and a jealous journalist, who clearly shouldn’t be trusted, in various wintery diners, hotels and passenger seats. We are supposed to see David Foster Wallace’s actions and mood swings as eccentricities but in all honesty, when stuck with Jessie Eisenberg’s typical take on the needy, petulant and insidious interviewer, his reactions seem perfectly valid. The two actors’ chemistry shines through, both retaining enough mystery in their motivations to keep you intrigued, and the dialogue is never less than intelligent and insightful. It made me want to give Infinite Jest, the author’s doorstop breakthrough, a try… so mission accomplished. A humorous and touching look at creative success and failure.

7

John Hamburg directs James Franco, Bryan Cranston and Megan Mullally in this Meet the Parents for the app generation. 

So meanderingly unfunny they should have just called it “Why?”

1

Ivan Reitman directs Arnold Schwarzenegger, Penelope Ann Miller and Pamela Reed in this comedy about an inappropriately tough city cop who goes undercover teaching five year olds.

Although I watched it a lot as a kid I never ever thought of Kindergarten Cop as a good movie. It lacked the spunk of Twins and the mania of Last Action Hero and the calculated perfection of True Lies. I never thought I would watch it again as a balding, greying man man. But sometimes you are stuck in a hotel room at the mercy of a TV schedule… And it was very watchable; the cast work hard, no scene exists without a punchline or a narrative point and I was taken back to that wonderful feeling of easy, colourful pleasures that an Arnie flick all but guaranteed growing up. It was undemanding fun and I enjoyed it again.

6

Quentin Tarantino directs Samuel L. Jackson, Kurt Russell and Walton Goggins in this cabin set mystery where strangers waiting out a blizzard eye each other up for potential threats. 

A new QT movie’s biggest hurdle to leap will always be the mountain of expectation, and I hate to admit it, but like Jackie Brown and Inglorious Basterds, my initial cinema trip to this left me a mite disappointed. A chamber piece, essentially an Agatha Christie novel in bearskin and coon cap, at first run through it all seems like a reduction of what Quent can easily bring to the big screen. A year’s gap, and forearmed with more knowledge as to where some of the more pigheaded narrative choices are eventually headed (many of the repetitions are more frustrating than rewarding, the pace is purposefully way, way off) and I enjoyed The Hateful Eight for what it is; a brilliant cast blasting out a fruity script in colourful Western grab. You get second wind Samuel L Jackson front and centre at long last for a movie entire, satisfying bits from Russell, Jennifer Jason Leigh and Tim Roth too. But it is Goggins who walks off with the film as the Aw Shucks, enthusiastic Good Ole Boy, one step behind the plotters and players, and therefore audibly as excited as we are with each revelation. So it’s not Pulp Fiction with six shooters… it is a fine and captivating diversion.

7

Elaine Constantine directs Josh Whitehouse, Elliot James Langridge and Antonia Thomas about a lad who gets into a scene of 70s kids who like decade old Soul music.

Every Christmas my Dad decides we should watch a film about Northern Soul. It is a newish tradition and I’m not entirely sure how it came about. He’s Irish, was living in London and happily married when this scene had its day. This one wasn’t as good as Soul Boy which had better dancehall sequences and a sweeter storyline. Still someone needs to churn out a third one of these in time for us next year please.

4

Alejandro G. Iñárritu directs Leonardo Dicaprio, Tom Hardy and Will Poulter in this sublime Western about a frontiersman left for dead, who climbs out of his grave and crawls across country in pursuit of his transgressors. 

A film of arduous moments that indelibly mark you. The lengthily maintained one shot horror of the first native attack totemically sets the tone for a series of haunting encounters filled with wounding violence, desperate self preservation and the melancholy of humanity pushed to its limits. Leo deservedly won the Oscar with this committed but often silent central showcase, yet both the ever excellent Hardy and notably Poulter more than hold their own against his admirable work. Whether you’d want to regularly brave The Revenant’s often artier pretensions and constantly gruelling trials remain to be seen but I felt myself warm to it all just a little bit more on this second small screen viewing. And it had already impressed me mightily.

8

Tony Scott directs Denzel Washington, Dakota Fanning and Christopher Walken in this brutal actioner about a washed up bodyguard who unleashes hell on a syndicate of Mexican kidnappers. 

Keen visualist Tony Scott worked five times with Denzel Washington on manly, glossy sweaty thrillers and Man on Fire is easily their best collaboration. It is a heady brew of platonic romance between killer and child, really nasty ultraviolence, and frame fucking intense storytelling (subtitles emphasise points with an unusual smoke in a bottle beauty, shots blur and judder into each other like the film has been edited in a food processor). It is a genuinely tough movie, despite devoting an hour to Washington and Fanning bonding, that by close of play feels almost mythic in its stature and effect on the viewer. It is also one of the very rare films where Denzel actually chimes with his co-stars, who would have guessed he and a hyper-relaxed Walken (a gorgeous support turn, funny and touching) would make such convincing old friends?

8

 

Chris Renaud and Yarrow Cheney direct Louis C.K., Kevin Hart and Lake Bell in this tale of a pet whose idyllic life is tuned upside when a new dog is introduced to his happy home but they eventually have to work together when they find themselves locked out and lost. 

I watched one of last year’s biggest hits with my 5 year old niece. 10 minutes in, I told her “It is just Toy Story with dogs” but she corrected me and told me “It is not Toy Story.” Half an hour later we repeated the conversation. And then again at the end. And she was right, it is no Toy Story… that had magic, hilarity and set pieces that generated palpable excitement. The Secret Life of Pets is not Toy Story.

3

Gareth Edwards directs Felicity Jones, Ben Mendelsohn and Donnie Yen in a riproaring space espionage thriller set in the Jedi-centric universe. 

I’m going to lay my cards right out on the table. After three blissful viewings I think Rogue One is the best Star Wars movie ever made. No qualification… BEST EVER. Yep, better than that one… and that one… honestly, even that one. A World War II style men on a mission afternoon killer with all the technological wonder and comforting mysticism of the franchise that defined a generation. Emotionally engaging, with a propulsive narrative and a top to bottom excellent new cast. Jones’ tough Jyn Erso is a genuine surprise (all grit and unwavering stiff upper lip), Mendelsohn adds another awfully seductive villian to his tally (this time with a cape), Alan Tudyk’s K-2SO is a paranoid android laugh grabbing treat, but it is the double act of Yen and Jiang Wen that steal the show. The Guardians of the Whills kick ass, take names and add a touch of human sparkle while all the war children are booting up and signing off. Human sparkle is what Ford, Fisher and Dee Williams always brought to the otherwise often po faced spacemonk or droid-centric franchise, and in this, the most self consciously serious episode, the little magic our loveable Kung Fu odd couple sprinkle with every interaction goes a long way.  Actionwise we get mere smatterings until the main event; a 45 minute, three different arena, battle around Scarif. I won’t spoil the pleasures and shocks here just yet but suffice to say it is unlike anything you have seen before in a family film owned by Disney. And while you witness these brave new things you also literally see the series mature from kid’s play to adult endeavour before your very eyes. And also a Space Monkey firing a laser milligun out the side of a galactic gunship (“Just like fuckin’ Saigon, hey slick?”)! AND THEN we get bonus Darth Vader, in a blistering sequence that even the most casual fan of the Force will sit bolt upright in their seat to fully enjoy. A Star Wars film that finally delivers on both those words, a crowd pleaser that rarely feels like it is making any compromises for popularity, a full-on eyepopping, heart wrenching big screen delight. 2016? The worst year ever? Only if you live in the past. I ended it saving the dream. Saving the rebellion. An amazing prequel, not living in 1977’s long shadow but still giving us A New Hope. Not just the next step to those familiar pleasures of Episode IV but the potential that Star Wars doesn’t just boil down to past talents looking for a last paycheck. We don’t need Skywalkers, Solos or Kenobis for Lucas’ franchise to be at its very best. Now that is revolutionary.

10