Jaume Collet-Serra directs Vera Farmiga, Peter Sarsgaard and Isabelle Fuhrman in this horror where a couple take in a weird orphan girl with deadly results.

Bought this in the Parisian equivalent of a Cash Convertor for a single euro. Bargain! The Middle Eastern dude behind the counter was super excited, chatting to me in French about ‘Esther’. Proof enough surely that if someone could make a third one with Isabelle Fuhrman (as a ghost?) there’d be a market for it. This isn’t quite as good as the bonkers late-in-the-day prequel First Kill. It needs twice the amount of murders to support a 2 hour running time and that big twist has never been that much of a shock. Still it is more than adequate as a glossy Saturday night special. Bring Esther back!

6

Perfect Double Bill: Orphan: First Kill (2022)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

Mark Dindal directs David Spade, John Goodman and Eartha Kitt in this Disney animated buddy comedy where a spoilt Incan emperor is turned into a llama.

A Disney I’ve only caught in bits and pieces up until now. The comedy is pretty strong and in every aspect has some cute Ren & Stimpy / Animaniacs vibes. Whether a Disney theatrical release should be “lowering” itself down to that level is one for the executives from twenty or so years ago but it holds up as a silly one-watcher. Kronk is the best henchman since Aladdin’s Iago.

6

Perfect Double Bill: Lilo & Stitch (2002)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Sofia Coppola directs Emma Watson, Katie Chang and Israel Broussard in this teen true crime drama where a group of high schoolers use social media to break into celebrities homes and “borrow” their lifestyle.

Easily Sofia’s weakest in that it has very little to say beyond that initial elevator pitch. There is (pointedly?) no emotional connection between us and the mini-thieves so it just kinda plays out like cold smoked salmon on a fried egg. I hope Megan Fox got her pillow pistol back?

5

Perfect Double Bill: Spring Breakers (2012)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

Mike Cahill directs Brit Marling, William Mapother and Robin Lord Taylor in this soft sci-fi where two loners, united by a tragedy, prepare for a parallel planet Earth to approach their own miserable existence.

Boring and pretentious. Whatever planet you are on.

3

Perfect Double Bill: Bicentennial Man (1999)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Jeremy Paul Kagan directs Meredith Salenger, John Cusack and Ray Wise in this kid’s adventure where a young teenager must ride the rails through Depression era America to reunite with her father.

A childhood favourite of Natalie’s, this really won me over on second watch. The gritty, authentic setting. The constant sense of peril. The brilliant dog acting. Salenger’s un-cute lead performance. Her chemistry with a generous Cusack. The exciting set pieces with convincing stunt work. The unforced air of futility to Natty Gann’s quest… and the ultimate heart pounding pay off. Every scene is pitched exactly right… never dumbing down for children but never crossing the line when exploring the hardwired bleakness. Yeah, more kids movies like this please.

9

Perfect Double Bill: Newsies (1992)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

Ralph Zondag and Eric Leighton direct D. B. Sweeney, Alfre Woodard and Ossie Davis in this first feature length CG animation from Walt Disney studios.

One downtime day when they could not get a special effect working on the set of Robocop, Paul Verhoeven and Phil Tippett devised a dinosaur feature where they would never have to worry about live action humans integrating unsuccessfully with go motion FX. They hired The Wild Bunch writer Walon Green to bash out a script… and 15 years later the end result was a Disney cartoon with all of their unlikely names floating around the periphery credits. To say Dinosaur was unduly dark or violent because of these early stage talents is unfair, you could pretty much say there’s a certain uncomfortable edge to well over half of the Mouse House’s kids films. But the plot has an apocalyptic air that is startling yet also a John Ford wagon train bonhomie, a jovial sense of community, that is the flick’s true strength. I’m guessing Walon brought that to the table. The combining of live action landscapes with CG creatures is successful – especially in the thrilling opening prologue which is dialogue free… a choice the whole movie should have made. And the subtext of out with old / survival of the fittest in a shifting landscape is curiously apt considering this is Disney’s first attempt to cut loose and leave behind hand drawn animation. Ultimately here is a fine, if a bit bland, adventure but the providence of Dinosaur proves fascinating.

6

Perfect Double Bill: The Good Dinosaur (2015)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Terry Zwigoff directs Thora Birch, Steve Buscemi and Scarlett Johansson in this indie teen comedy based on Daniel Clowes’ cult graphic novel.

Where the nerd things are. A summer of ignoring bad choices, not giving a fuck and the unexpected consequences. Thora Birch serves continual cunt in her best role. Her Goodwill salvaged looks just eat the screen up. Her Enid sums up that horrible space where your life is at a crossroads and it seems easier to just sit in-between four lanes of oncoming traffic than make a decision. It is the strongest written female teen protagonist role in cinema, or at least a photo finish between her and Reese Witherspoon’s equally iconic Tracy Flick. And the awkward, don’t go there, chemistry between her and Buscemi’s sad but constantly furious Seymour is a rubbernecking blast. You have no doubts as to why these two sometimes mean, casually irritable people might die alone… and age difference put to one awkward side, might be imperfect for each other. “He’s the exact opposite of everything I hate.” Many teenagers define themselves by their fandoms and tribes, but for Enid Coleslaw, it is her weaponised rejection of everything but the obscure and unloved that make her the loveable bitch she is. Zwigoff has a few very specific late 90s sub genres competing here – the aimless Gen X ‘Do nothing’ movie, the American Pie raunchy youth comedy and a weird anti modernity, anti ‘prescribed art’ counter culture death wail. He blends them really well… better than say Napoleon Dynamite that used Ghost World as a mood board but left the soul behind. The ambiguous ending is quite beautiful. All in – a misanthropic yet colourful teen gem that increases in value the more middle-aged it gets.

9

Perfect Double Bill: Bad Santa (2003)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

Greta Gerwig directs Margot Robbie, Ryan Gosling and Will Ferrell in this blockbuster comedy based on the Mattel doll where Barbie leaves her world of innocent play and empowered positivity to experience the real world.

Can’t believe that Tom Cruise dangled and leapt through a careening Orient Express for absolute reals but this muddled corporate feminism rip-off of Elf based on a problematic dolly was the movie to save cinema!?

4

Perfect Double Bill: Birds Of Prey (2020)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Don Hahn, Pixote Hunt, Hendel Butoy, Eric Goldberg, James Algar, Francis Glebas and Paul and Gaëtan Brizzi direct Steve Martin, Bette Midler and James Earl Jones in this anthology of animated music videos to classical arrangements.

Was never going to be a favourite but the guest hosts are a fantastic addition and Eric Goldberg’s Rhapsody In Blue segment is worth the price of admission alone. Better than the original butt number.

6

Perfect Double Bill: Fun & Fancy Free (1947)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/

George Stevens directs Katharine Hepburn, Spencer Tracy and Fay Bainter in this romantic comedy where a sports writing bloke falls for a very successful and far more famous female journalist.

You can approach Woman Of The Year in two ways. A role reversal comedy where a man’s man is made to feel like the inferior little lady at home when he marries someone far more accomplished than him. Or a sexist attempt to take careerist feminists down a peg or two by showing them the topsy turvy world they create when they try to be better than men. I prefer the more innocent first reading. It allows you to enjoy the bristling chemistry between Tracy and Kate. And you can just laugh at the slow burn finale where Hepburn is completely bamboozled by modern appliances in the kitchen. As a sustained sequence of slapstick chaos, it is quite magical.

9

Perfect Double Bill: Pat And Mike (1952)

My wife and I do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/