Robert Eggers directs Anna Taylor- Joy, Kate Dickie and Ralph Ineson in this 1630’s New England set arthouse horror.

A beautifully crafted film with a majestic pace, fine performances and a neat ending. It is hard to be critical of a mere genre film that aims to hit the detailed and intelligent qualities of a Kubrick, Ridley and Glazer as such intentions are so rare and so admirable. Sadly though when Eggers does abruptly shift into pure horror we are pulled out of the realism and the creeping dread by blasts of silliness that would be forgivable in a lesser slasher. The Witch sacrifices atmosphere for daft shock images a little too often, and at one point wholesale lifts from The Shining in a sequence that deflated a lot of my investment as a viewer. 40 minutes in and the first good scare is blatantly stolen from Room 237 like towels and miniature shampoos at check out time. Once again a trashier film would be forgiven for cribbing from the best, Eggers error is he shows so much potential to create his own indelible images for the horror canon, so to go for quite so the easy pass feels a genuine cheat. Frustrating as The Witch now stands as the quintessential coven film that everyone somehow forgot to actually make until this point, tying in nicely to The Crucible, The Craft and Suspiria. As an exercise in world building and ensemble directing Eggers now has an excellent calling card, yet for a satisfying night out the rest of us really need to be already in the mood.

6

Matthijs van Heijningen Jr. directs Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Joel Edgerton and Ulrich Thomsen in this direct prequel to John Carpenter classic. 

What do Predator 2, Die Hard 4.0, Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls and Terminator: Genisys have in common? They are all flawed film, critically reviled, rejected by the vocal sections of their fan base, that I quite enjoy merely as fun romps in movie worlds I already loved. I am an unimaginative studio exec’s wettest dream. I can forgive and embrace a lot of these less loved return trips to genre faves even if they aren’t classics. Do they reach the dizzy heights of their originals? No….but they do take us on an undemanding adventure around the same foothills without even aiming for those summits. Not every sequel has to be The Godfather Part 2, and by the same logic not every sequel that fails to be an improvement is automatically a terminal lurch in the wrong direction that the internet naysayers would have you believe. Bond and Fast & Furious series have both shown you can fuck up an entry or two and still eventually make a belated best in the franchise. Very few cash-ins (Hobbits and Star Wars prequels aside) actually pollute their wells. And by this point you can probably guess I’m going to be quite positive about The Thing prequel. Getting its errors out of the way – the studio enforced CGI, literally filmed over already achieved practical effects, are a bit rushed and bloodless but apart from those in the finale not terrible; the ensemble is a bit bland and perfunctory; it is not and never really could be as good one of the greatest movies ever made – there’s still monogamous pleasures. Mary Elizabeth Winstead is, as always, a compelling female lead. Different from MacReady, aiming for a warmer Sigourney Weaver type performance in contrast to Kurt Russell’s hippyfied John Wayne. The bleak air of paranoia is mimiced perfectly. When we do spring into action, it feels high stakes and pleasantly chaotic. It is slavishly connected to its source, the plot includes deliberate poignant beats to leave the Norwegian camp and us the viewer exactly where we should be so you can move right back into watching the 1982 classic with no jarring anomalies. As a lovingly crafted, if reverse engineered,  jigsaw piece the two films slot perfectly into each other despite 29 years distance. That is a fine achievement. Ignore the opening list I reeled off, this The Thing belongs with The Force Awakens, Jurrasic World and Fury Road as an in-trend legacy-quel that wants to expand in a verdant pre-existing cinema universe, not blandly reboot it. Like its monster, it has lay dormant and now wants to perfectly replicate what it is succeeding. The Thing 2011’s main issue is the studio interrupted the effects work mid transformation leaving it as freakishly half finished as The Thing itself when cornered. If you can look past that frustrating failure then the story, lead and atmosphere is quite a convincing duplicate.

7

Tony Scott directs Bruce Willis, Damon Wayans and Taylor Negron in this quintessential Shane Black buddy thriller.

This is how you do an action film. Bruce Willis delivers the kind of lead performance he can’t even be bothered to bring to a Die Hard sequel any more. The zingers fly, the threats are palpable… the bullets, squibs and the explosions dominate. The plot is so mental on paper, leading to those kinda surreal moments only Black can get away with writing (two shoot outs in crowded stadiums where the cops don’t open fire (TWO!?), escape by puppet, a dead squirrel hangover, loads of bombs bad guys accidentally set off). He has always been a less showy Tarantino churning out a slicker, sweatier brand of two guns and a snappy “fuck you” fun. Forget the constant implausibility, enjoy the ride to stubbly sober redemption. Friday night perfection.

10

 

Walter Hill directs Sly Stallone, Jason Momoa and Christian Slater in this hitman revenge actioner.

Some inventive comic book framing, a nice turn from Momoa as a “Bad Guy who should win” and a final fight between he and Sly involving antique fire axes are all that stops this from being a very blah Parker novel rip-off. Whenever the characters interact you get the feeling every role or line was written with DTV king 50 Cent’s limited acting abilities in mind. The fact that Curtis didn’t even turn up and they had to cast decent character actors in all the parts doesn’t help improve the plod to that eventual spike of a closing battle. Still after ending on a high we then get three unnecessary epilogues. What is this? A beer and pizza night Return of the King?

5

 

Wes Craven directs Heather Langenkamp, Robert Englund and himself in this meta reboot of the franchise he accidentally started a decade earlier.

The original, Dream Warriors and this are the only Freddy flicks you ever need care about. All have varying degrees of input from Craven to their benefit, whereas the others feel like rush jobs or misguided spoofs of his first vision. This attempt to ground the horror phenomenon of Fred Krueger back to reality after he had appeared as a pregnant rapper, a children’s toy and a cereal brand is not really as scary or as smart as it needs to be in retrospect yet the ambition is clearly there. Equally the lead performance from Langenkamp stretches her, she is a scream queen not a thespian, so when the film ventures into demanding Babadook / Repulsion-esque set pieces she cannot handle the demands, exposing her stunt casting abilities. There are some fun effects, creepy passages and inventive plotting – enough of each to make this more than a flip exercise in self awareness. Not the film within a film to convert the uninitiated to slasher horror but significant for fans of the genre. NB. It was also the first 18 rated film I illicitly saw on the big screen.

7

Johannes Robert directs Sarah Wayne Callies, Suchrita Pillai-Malik and Sofia Rosinky in this Indian set ghost story.

This third world watering down of Don’t Look Now (soaked useless in set up, invention, depth, style and performance) manages to eke out some so-so jump scares thanks to good ghoul design and creepy kids but that’s just about it. The pacing is ropey, and either the grief theme needed more truthful detail to justify the grinding length, or it really should have remained a short story. The Other Side of the Door just cannot justify its feature length as it currently sits.

3

 

The Coen Brothers direct George Clooney, John Brolin and Scarlett Johansson in 1950s Hollywood set shaggy dog story.

Since The Man Who Wasn’t There the Coens have become a little less prolific and at times churned out placeholder works that tarnish their near perfect records. Hail Caesar joins Intolerable Cruelty, The Ladykillers and Burn After Reading as output that, a few good skits and a wasted stellar cast aside, really might have been better being put into turnaround. Pointless, dull and legacy damaging. It looks fine, however.

4

Susan Seidelman directs Rossana Arquette, Aidan Quinn and Madonna in this 80’s New Wave life swap dramerdy.

Some pop stars find vehicles that blandly feel like extended music videos, and roles that are mere extension of their manufactured image, but Madge, bless her, chose  a smaller but essential role in this covertly feminist art film to cash in on her new found fame. Her “Susan” is the living embodiment of a free, modern, sexually aggressive, unorthodox, fun, consequenceless fantasy life a housewife finds herself taking over. She’s never really chosen quite so well again. And there’s also a crime subplot, sexy men, sidebars involving a rundown magic show. Messy at times? For sure… but its female empowerment message is more enjoyably put forward in a way that worthier movies rarely manage. As a time capsule to mid 80s New York cool it all looks fantastic and an early score by Thomas Newman is a distinctive marvel.

8

 

John Sturges directs Steve McQueen, Richard Attenborough and James Garner in this true tale of a WWII POW mass escape.

As close to movie perfection as you can get. An all star cast, all utilised efficiently and effectively for almost three hours of men on a mission bliss. A masterclass in ensemble storytelling and making the mundane riveting. It is at the end of the day a movie that features 90 minutes of digging and soil dispersal. But… But… But… You invest in the clear cut characters due to the strong, playing to type actors, you invest in the mission due to the pratical and machine calibrated storytelling – logical without being didactic . And once the break starts the real fun begins. And yes, I’ll happily concede, it takes a big horrible reality of war and makes it all a bit of a boy’s own romp. But then away from massively hummable theme tune, the jolly Allied cast of comrades joshing around and the derring do you get a shock of violence and the stakes and sacrifices of the real heroes are remembered. There’s no better way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

10

 

Robert Fiore and George Butler direct Arnold Schwarzenegger, Lou Ferrigno and Mike Katz in this documentary about body building.

Arnie excels here in this, at times obviously staged, documentary. As an early glimpse of the icon in the making it is fascinating. His presence in any shot sucks the oxygen from all the other competitors, while his teasing of poor, young Ferrigno is fun yet the final scene of their comraderie is touchingly more complex. As an actual insight into the world of competitive bodybuilding it feels a tad lightweight however. A great documentary immerses you into into a new world, this merely feels like a quick cursory glance, obscured by the towering obstacle of a star in the making.

6