Ben Wheatley directs Michael Smiley, Reece Shearsmith and Richard Glover in this existential monochrome trip amongst English Civil War deserters. 

So far this is the only Ben Wheatley movie I’d struggle to recommend to the casual viewer. It is testing. Not as compelling as Kill List, nor as loveable as Sightseers, nowhere near as accessible as Free Fire. A Field in England is an intentionally difficult film to enjoy but a film that lingers. An exercise in banal surrealism it owes as much to Waiting for Godot as it does Culloden. I even picked up past the mash-up of Blackadder-esque introductions a hint of The Good, The Bad and Ugly (civil war deserters with clanking guns and big hats hunt for treasure). Unlike Leone’s epic it is no cinematic perfection piece though. You have to concede the double edged sword moments of patience testing ramblings, silent movie blackouts and THAT centre piece strobing trip trouble more than they impress. Men merge into themselves and the sun is swallowed. Smiley and Shearsmith are highly watchable, it disturbs enough to scar. But you wouldn’t rush to get trapped in the long grass again. Interesting mainly as a dry run for the more expansive Wheatley flick, High Rise.

7

Jean Cocteau directs Jean Marias, Josette Day and Jean Marias in this earlier, opulently fantastic take of the fairy tale romance. 

A disclaimer: After years of wanting to catch this version on the big screen, a late work night meant I did annoyingly doze off occasionally in the dark of the matinee. No value judgement on the movie that – it is a gorgeously arch magical treat. I’m ashamed of the few scenes I missed due to involuntary conking out. Of what I did catch, bright eyed and bushy tailed, there was one little sequence that struck me away from all the beautiful design and pretty faces. Belle is nagging the beast in his garden, he gets distracted by a passing deer, gets told off for not listening, wiggles his ears and gruffly apologises… but he is still thinking about that deer, the furry faced fool. It rang home on the landline. All men are beasts, we can’t help ourselves. Next time I enjoy this, I’ll give it my full, lucid attention. It deserves it.

8

Babak Anvari directs Narges Rashidi, Avin Manshadi and Bobby Naderi in this period horror about an oppressed rationalist woman in 1980’s Tehran who slowly suspects djinn are trying to take her daughter. 

This made many critics’ end of year best movie lists last year. And I can see why. As a portrait of a woman slowly losing her rights, freedoms and dreams in a war torn Iran it is didactic but effective. Barges Rashidi’s central performance is eye catching and the emotional, political and psychological ramifications of her plight are laid out with an efficient clarity. Maybe a little too efficient to ring true though. For example, the objects the big bad chooses to steal each time have a rich feminist metaphorical value;  an abandoned university textbook, a doll, a Jane Fonda workout video. You are so aware of the points that are being made and statements underlined, it obstructs you from absorbing them as an organic by-product of the entertainment. And that’s where Under the Shadow fails for me. The sparsely explored horror elements are very, very similar to the far superior Repulsion, Dark Water and The Babadook. Whereas those arty genre flicks managed to lace their scares and shocks with a grander intelligence and intention, this lesser rehash just never gets around to fulfilling its basic spookhouse requirements. And therefore pales in comparison. There are a couple of well designed oogie boogie images near the wrap up (what lurks under the bed is a toothy treat) but it proves too little too late. Especially considering the Djinn mythology utilised seems frustratingly fertile. Fine for some, not for me.

5

Greg McLean directs John Gallagher Jr., Tony Goldwyn and John C McGinley in this efficient Battle Royale in an office block thriller. 

Neat and gory. A simple, unpretentious murder fest. It lacks that invention or that escalation such an endeavour really needs for me to wholeheartedly recommend it to those not into their schlock… but for The Belko Experiment’s  short, nasty runtime I personally was gripped. Lots of likeable C-listers fill the lobby too which never hurts such an outing.

7

 

Michael Reeves directs Boris Karloff, Catherine Lacey and Ian Ogilvy in this Swinging (west) London chiller about old witches who possess a young man.

There’s lots of reasons why this might outwardly prove appealing to the modern horror fan. Late Karloff, cool hip period scenes of miniskirts and sideburns, shades of recent horror successes Slade House (the last David Mitchell novel) and Get Out in the set-up, and being one of the rare ‘other’ works by Witchfinder General director Reeves. But nothing all that interesting actually happens despite all that intriguing pedigree. As it trundles along I found solace in trying to place the pre-Westway hometown locations. And I doubt there are many of you who can scrape that nerdy pleasure from this flat, mechanical chiller.

4

Ted Kotcheff directs Gary Bond, Donald Pleasence and Chips Rafferty in this lost Australian shocker about a teacher waylaid for a weekend in a sinister outback mining town. 

Firstly, get ready to see more schooners of beer consumed in one feature length flick than you ever thought possible. A heroic, thirst creating effort. One of those rare, big screen experiences where an hour in you still have no idea what direction the queasy, disturbing narrative is headed in, even if the destination eventually proves to be a little standard. The journey though is a squallid, paranoid treat. An intelligent expoloitation flick which skirts with rationalising fate, ambiguous sexualities and a disgusting sequence of offensive animal harm, your buttons are going to be pushed however you approach it. Effective casting, a cracking credit’s theme and some of the most evocative location cinematography complement a genuinely captivating mystery. And one early line of dialogue by Pleasance’s sage-like bum rings true in life as it does the entire philosophy of the movie: “Discontent is the luxury of the well-to-do. If you’ve got to live here, then you might as well like it.” Words to live by. Have a beer, mate!

8

 

 

Takashi Shimizu directs Megumi Okina, Misa Uehara and Misaki Ito in this Japanese horror hit about a cursed suburban house. 

Overrated nonsense both times I’ve tried it. The IMDB trivia page revealed this is actually the third film in the series which might explain why so much of the discordant mess seems to assume you know far more than you do. Just a series of barely connected random scare sequences which never really exceed the potentially creepy setting. Whack a bit of Hideo Nakata or Takashi Miike on instead. Unless you have a thing for kids slathered in white make up.

4

 

Leo McCarey directs Deborah Kerr, Cary Grant and Cathleen Nesbitt in this classic romance weepie about a playboy and a nightclub singer who fall for each other on a cruise ship that happens to be bringing them both back to their respective betrothed. 

I finally figured Jeff Goldblum’s universal appeal out while watching Cary Grant in this golden classic. When Goldblum’s first started headlining movies he seemed like some unheralded, never seen before personality. But in actuality him and Grant are a DNA match. Gangly, mahogany skinned charmers, exuding suave, intelligence and arrogance, reading lines with a wink and a wince as if they cannot believe uttering such contrivances are their well paid jobs… and with the constant underlying current that something decadent and debauched will be going on in their hotel suite that night and you’d be invited if only you were cool enough. Grant has his perfect foil here in the definitively elegant and worldly Deborah Kerr. She is quite simply perfection in everything I’ve seen her in. As the white telephone machinations of the plot play out you get the feeling this is far from an innocent souffle. The characters and incidents skirt as close to adult and permissive as a big Hollywood confection could in 1957. For all the witty repartee and classy innuendo, the singing orphans and tragic gloss this is quite a progressive romance… pure as the driven snow compared to what was being made a decade later but equally quite unashamedly aroused compared to anything from even a year before. A shimmering magic pervades every moment, none more so than the subtle sequence of foreshadowing when the pair take an early ten minute time out from flirting to visit Grant’s grandmother. Clearly all the characters know this is the last time they’ll see her and it is never spoken aloud, just silently acknowledged and luxuriated in. The iconic moments involving Empire State Building rendezvous and sofa ridden reunions revived by Sleepless in Seattle are brilliant but that ten minutes of heartfelt interaction, nostalgia and mournful joy… Wow! About as good as the fil-lums get.

10

Terry George directs Oscar Isaac, Charlotte Le Bon and Christian Bale in this epic romance set around the Armenian massacre.

Worthy intentions, a strong cast and a Leanian epic sweep cannot help the overriding sensation that is purposefully aiming for solid rather than special. George’s earlier Hotel Rwanda had a real urgent, desperate energy distinctly missing here. Many of the soapy convulsions that bubble up are resolved by the very next scene, meaning the romance and tragedy never sustain themselves.

5

James Cameron directs Ed Harris, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio and Michael Biehn in this submarines make contact with aliens action romance. 

Cameron’s most mature spectacle. It still delivers all the tech heavy effects work, Man versus Machine adventure, roughneck dialogue,  save the world hippy dippyness you’d expect from the King of the World. But it also amps up the adult romance to a satisfying degree so that Harris and Mastrantonio go from Grant / Hepburn Hawksian barbed banter to moments of heart wrenching sacrifice on a par with THAT famous scene from The Last of the Mohicans. The titular Abyss refers as much to these two crossing their gulf of anger at each other and reuniting as partners as it does about aliens hidden down ocean trenches. Nukes, submersible battles, flooding gangways and galactic tsunamis aside, Cameron’s least popular epic has a uniquely captivating adult drama at its very core. It is kick-ass intense too.

10