Richard Lester directs Michael York, Raquel Welch and Oliver Reed in this light adventure romp that adapts one portion of Dumas’ swashbuckling classic.

I watched this many times as a child and (until this Sunday) zero times as an adult. There’s a wondrous cast shuffling around about 45 minutes worth of plot with dated slapstick added into every scene to stretch out the first act of a proper film to a rickety feature length. Salkinds movie economics. Never dull, just very corny. The defining feature of 17th century France would appear to be clumsiness. Any moment with Oliver Reed is fantastic, Athos is the role he was born to play. The slumming it A-List leading ladies sport their cleavage and beauty spots gorgeously. The villainy is boo-hiss worthy. York makes for a sweetly wooden lead, he’d be as at home in a Carry On as he is in period intrigue. It could have more duelling, certainly more Musketeering. The filler silliness is overwhelming. And yet my soft spot for it remains.

7

Richard Shephard directs Allison Williams, Logan Browning and Steve Weber in this… I don’t genuinely know what it is…. it involves cellists and mania and stalking and twists and revenge and twists and a virus and twists and sexy lesbians and… look… just a lot of stuff…ALRIGHT?!

Direct to Netflix – in the best and worst possible ways. Absolutely mad, starts out like The Hand That Rocks the Cradle, then within seconds becomes a musical lesbian Lost in Translation and suddenly we are all backpacking in the wilderness with a particularly gross killer virus rearing its yellow vomiting head in the wing mirrors… Does it settle into a coherent plot or genre then? No. Not for one zany minute. You eventually think it is trying to be a particularly unhinged variation of Nolan’s The Prestige with cellos replacing magic tricks but… still… no. A deranged eel of a film. As long as you don’t try and grasp it or hold it down it is morbidly fascinating watching it squirm about in loops and thrashes. Sexy junk food or a misunderstood work of true genius, I promise you this is currently someone’s favourite movie ever. Just not mine. Whoah!

4

Ingmar Bergman directs Nine-Christine Jönsson, Bengt Eklund and Mimi Nelson in this melodrama about a promiscuous and lonely reform school girl who falls for a sailor.

He is considered one of arthouse cinema’s greatest directors and yet this simple, early work is the first Bergman movie I’ve ever actually enjoyed. Every interaction could be a Belle & Sebastian lyric, every frame the cover of a The Smiths 7 inch single. I got involved in the horny unfairness of it all. It lacked his usual wordy pretentions and had a little hope in its gloominess. I hope those kids make it together.

8

Tom Harper directs Felicity Jones, Eddie Redmayne and Tom Courtney in this (not very) true story about a grieving hot air balloon pilot and a plummy weather scientist who flew higher than anyone had at that Victorian point of history.

Felicity Jones is superb in this as a theatrical “man of action”. Her gruelling set pieces are immersive and she is thoroughly seductive presence. Gaudy on the ground, knee slapping in the air, reserved with her dark emotions. Why she shares equal billing with defrosted Dean Gafney here, I have no idea? A grating, sodden presence who sits the spectacle and stunts out and has little to offer the forced narrative. He detracts from this particular film, I certainly have never seen him benefit any other ones. Posho kryptonite. A wet distraction. This has a nice look, like a coloured over monochrome picture plate in a story book. Cruikshank and crayons. Harper’s plotting choices are bland and trite, his sense of the epic vibrant. A visualist with better taste in leading ladies and plummeting silk than actors and gassy flashbacks.

6

Julius Onah direct Kelvin Harrison Jnr., Octavia Spencer and Naomi Watts in this racially charged drama mystery where a fastidious teacher suspects a star student of bad intentions.

A difficult film – erudite, risky, unpredictable. It does feel stagey – the source material is a J.C. Lee play. Is it a thriller? A teen drama? A didactic discussion about race? Obviously it can be all three at once yet, like it’s eponymous protagonist, you never feel like anyone has a proper grip on what Luce is. This slipperiness can be a power. Luce shares a lot of DNA with Highsmith’s Ripley and John Guare’s Six Degrees of Seperation. I liked it but Luce the movie isn’t an easy digestible experience, it certainly feels a little more academic than satisfying.

6

David Miller directs Kirk Douglas, Walter Matthau and Gena Rowlands in this modern Western where an independent cowboy finds himself on the run and at odds with the system.

Jack Burns is asleep in the wilderness. He is breaking in a new horse, Whisky, who still does not like the saddle, needs his legs shackled overnight. They head into town, two gentle rebels. En route Jack’s path is obstructed by a new fence and a busy road -the latter Whisky doesn’t want to navigate. Jack (a resplendent Kirk Douglas in maybe his best role) finds himself constantly butting against the new America, trying to cage him in. It’s lack of freedoms that used to define it, it’s attitude to grind out non-conformity and heart. Eventually Whisky and he are on the run. Pursued by sheriffs, helicopters and the future. Thrilling action, fine acting and a nice Dalton Trumbo scripted message about the Land of the Free. Would make a fine double bill with Junior Bonner.

9

Ken Loach directs Kris Hitchen, Debbie Honeywood and Rhys Stone in this drama following a delivery driver trying to hold is family together after he signs a contract that affords him very few rights.

A lacerating attack on the realities of the gig economy. This had me on the verge of tears at times. I know what is presented is the worst case scenario; extreme bad luck, heartless boss and family drama… but that is why the safety net of rights exist, of legally prescribed maximum hours, worker’s directives and statutory sick pay. For middle class people, they’ll watch this and think “Something should be done…”, for working class people they’ll recognise a nightmare situation that feels like something that could be more and more prevalent over the coming years. “Something should be done…” and that will be that for most people. The Bicycle Thieves for the 21st Century.

8

Luis Llosa directs Jennifer Lopez, Jon Voigt and Ice Cube in this adventure thriller where a documentary crew in South America are hunted down by a giant snake.

Never boring, never good. It hurtles between adequate and awful like a kid with a dead leg doing a bleep test. Sometimes the snake convinces, most times it does not. Sometimes Jon Voigt’s ACCENTED baddie if cheesy value, most times it is a once great actor pulling a weird face. And yet behind Out Sight, Hustlers and The Cell this somehow houses J-Lo’s fourth best performance.

4

François Ozon directs Natacha Régnier, Jeremy Réniér and Miki Manojlović in this teen “lovers on the run” flick.

What starts out as a thrill kill turns into a very Grimm fairy tale. Lust turns into inadequacy and revelation. A crime spirals into increasingly nightmarish repercussions. You don’t massively care about the characters but the journey is unpredictable enough that you stay invested.

5

Robert Butler directs Ray Liotta, Lauren Holly and Rachel Ticotin in this bonkers airplane disaster thriller.

This was advertised on the back cover of every comic book I bought when I was 18. A terrible film full of ropey effects, uncertain storytelling and a terrible lead protagonist. Was the wooden Lauren Holly, our flight attendant turned John McClane, ever truly anyone’s idea of the next big thing? Sharon Stone or even Cameron Diaz would have smashed this role. But… but… ***SPOILERS AHEAD*** Ray Liotta absolutely rocks in this. A lizard of gurning mania, he spends the final hour out hamming Gary Oldman, out zany-ing Nicolas Cage and out fucking the frame more than Jack Nicholson at their collective best / delicious worst. And the best thing about his off-the-wall nutso? You spend the first act teased and tossed whether he is going to be the good guy or Ted Bundy. Rope-a-dope! Ted Bundy, it is. Bundy on a Plane. That was the pitch. That’s what we get. Every moment with Ray is sublime, everything else gloss trash. Saturday night sorted. As good as a really bad film gets.

6