Harley Cokliss directs Tommy Lee Jones, Linda Hamilton and Robert Vaughn in this action thriller where a master thief must recover a stolen prototype car from a gang of high-end chop shoppers who operate out of twin skyscrapers.
Why does the experimental super car look so rickety and basic? Why does beautiful Linda Hamilton always look constipated during her sex scenes? Why does this feel so so much like a slightly harder edged episode of Streethawk, Airwolf, Knightrider, The A-Team etcetera etcetera…? The cat burglar caper stuff works best. The baddies operate out of two office towers just so the electric razor on wheels can smash through one glass window and then glide over mid air to the other. Based on a script by THE John Carpenter.
Olivier Assayas directs Connie Nielsen, Charles Berling and Chloë Sevigny in this erotic thriller where a corporate double agent finds herself manipulated by everyone during the company takeover of an animated Japanese adult entertainment firm.
Even though it begins rather staid and muted this is not a film to watch on public transport. An uncanny mix of Videodrome and The Office the thriller aspects are undercranked but decent. Connie Neilsen’s business suited spy is slowly and emotionlessly exposed to extreme deviant pornography while being dominated by ever changing antagonists. Pretty much everyone pulls her strings at some point (controlling her like a cam girl in many ways), and because half the film she is casually watching hardcore imagery then by association so are we. Assayas is trying to make another one of his cold, detached essays on how modern life is rubbish. Everything we see from our POV clearly is not the full story, though you’ll probably guess how it is going to end very early on. It passes an evening neatly but doesn’t stick. It does however have a shot of Chloë Sevigny playing PlayStation in the nude so it certainly isn’t unworthy of a watch.
Navot Papushado directs Karen Gillan, Lena Headey and Paul Giamatti in this action movie where an assassin follows in her mother footsteps and goes rogue against “the firm” she works for.
Positives First… The ladies look spectacular – especially the librarian trio of Michelle Yeoh, Carla Gugino and Angela Bassett. The baddies are well cast. The production design of the whole thing has a quirky sensibility. Here clearly is a movie made by people who love exactly the same movies as you and I and aren’t ashamed of it. The eclectic soundtrack digs up a fair few forgotten favourites. All’s gravy then? Not exactly, sadly. The Kill Bill / John Wick-esque world building feels uninspired. The action is filmed and edited quite flatly. The whole thing feels pretty lifeless. Like a tracing exercise rather than a work of art in its own right. You desperately want to ignore the negatives, hail a new cult action classic but it actually gets boring by the midway mark. This is a project with so much going in its favour that you shouldn’t be looking at your watch quite so early on.
David Zucker, Jim Abrahams, and Jerry Zucker direct Danny DeVito, Bette Midler and Judge Reinhold in this crime comedy where a sleazy millionaire’s shrewish wife is kidnapped and he hopes the criminals will save him the job of killing her.
Reagan’s America at its day-glo spandex bleakest. DeVito’s comedy chops smash through the convoluted plot and the scenes without him are noticeably weaker. Scabrous, a pitch perfect nasty piece of work, I laughed loads at this. The ending lands like Eighties Comedy Movie bingo – a cavalcade of police cars, cars careening off piers, a cuddle on a beach. The executive mandated soundtrack, featuring overly pacy cuts from Jagger and Joel… rediscover a priceless relic. I’m probably exactly the right age to enjoy this a little more than it deserves. There’s still a part of my brain that grew up thinking all cinema should feel, look, sound, play like Ruthless People.
Douglas Sirk directs Jane Wyman, Rock Hudson and Barbara Rush in this melodrama where a playboy feels responsible for all the tragedies in a widow’s life.
A brutal weepie in that it piles on a new suffering every 15 minutes. How can something so clean looking and so colour coordinated put you through the emotional grinder so ruthlessly? The pseudo Christian messaging is a tad heavy handed, but never feels out of place with the central romance. Hudson is actually a very compelling lead, beyond his matinee idol looks there’s something magnetising about him. Perfect Sunday afternoon fodder. The kinda “fil-em” my nanny would have loved.
Kasi Lemmons directs Samuel L. Jackson, Jurnee Smollett and Debbi Morgan in this gothic melodrama where a young girl begins to suspect her father isn’t perfect.
A nice classy piece of drama effectively told from a child’s point of view. It is a fine cocktail of innocence, superstition and sex. Jackson puts in an attention grabbing turn as the hound dog good doctor. Jurnee Smollett exceeds expectations as the child performer in the protagonist’s role. Strong visuals.
Marty’s “one for them”. It starts off pretty stimulating with Scorsese employing lots of aged masters behind the scenes (Freddie Francis, Elmer Bernstein, Elaine & Saul Bass…) to reimagine the simple but effective pot boiler into an in-your-face art movie. That only engages Marty’s talent and vision for so long though. The second hour descends into lengthy improvisations from the actors. This technique does gift us one great scene… DeNiro’s epic seduction of Juliette Lewis in the school basement. Here the indulgence pays off but it is at the expense of a set piece nobody was interested in shooting on the day. And without traditional thrills you are left in the company of some very unpleasant people (scumbag lawyer, depressed shrew, jailbait, pitiful rapist) with no one to root for. It is overwrought and stagnant by the end, often a little too laughable. For a long slog your only pleasure is ticking off Hitchcock homages that are being crowbarred in for giggles. Illeana Douglas really pops in a small but difficult role.
George Romero directs Ken Foree, David Emge and Gaylen Ross in this zombie sequel where a quartet of survivors hole up in a mall populated by the walking dead.
Whereas most perfect horror aims for a nifty 90 minutes or less runtime, this is the rare multi reel epic of the genre that truly works. There’s plenty to love here; the sturdy, haunted acting from the unknown stars, the open ended-ness of it all, the potshots at consumerism and isolationism, Savini’s FX work, Savini’s comedy biker gang, the Goblins score… It plays out more as an action adventure in a horror environment than a true scare fest: the equivalent escalation of Alien into Aliens.
Peter Hyams directs Tom Sizemore, Penelope Ann Miller and James Whitmore in this monster movie where a museum receives a surprise shipment.
I like both the leads though they aren’t exactly stretched. It is all a bit too underlit and slow going to get excited about. The monster, once eventually unboxed, is particularly underwhelming.
Cary Joji Fukunaga directs Daniel Craig, Léa Seydoux and Lashana Lynch in this 25th James Bond movie where the super spy comes out of retirement and discovers the world is on its head.
*** NO MAJOR SPOILERS ***
The marathon Bond. The running time is not the problem. NTTD whips along at exactly the clip you’d expect a lengthier Bond movie to. Probably has a similar rhythm as Casino Royale. And tone. Could it have slipped in another couple of action sequences? Definitely, EON know the spectacle and set-pieces aren’t going to be talking points here. Though the first hour Cuba shoot-out is a fun mid-level highlight, a glimpse at a sillier and more energetic 007 we haven’t seen in a couple of decades. The slight return of the campier stuff is what I enjoyed best – bionic eyes, mad masterplans. There’s more of that than we’ve previously seen during the Craig era but still not enough. Don’t expect many jokes outside of Q’s scenes either.
This time it’s personal. Problem is it has been “personal” for at least four movies now. Bond’s past returns to haunt with cataclysmic global consequences. Again. Remember when a detached jobbing all-business Bond got briefed on a mission, followed a few leads over the continents and gave whatever megalomaniac rotter who was threatening world peace a good hard slap? Those days are gone. I miss them. Craig leans into the emotional stuff… he’s overqualified for the predictable curveballs the myriad of screenwriters bowl at him. There are soapy twists you can see coming a mile away.
And yet other stuff that feels vaguely under explored. Madeline Swann and the new big bad’s backstory is never nailed down. What happened between them between the decent flashback opener and her introduction in Spectre is anyone’s guess? It is a James Bond adventure where he feels out of step with all the drama. A strange dour ensemble piece where he’s often left on the sidelines despairing. Watching some never fully explained grand plot continually leave him behind while he stares up into the sky wondering how his franchise has moved ahead without him in the driver’s seat… It certainly isn’t the Bond scrabbling to win against unbeatable odds right up to the last millisecond of the cataclysmic countdown or breaking the laws of physics to defeat the henchman with elan that I get excited about every release. Bond sitting in an inflatable yellow life raft without a dolly bird to cuddle up to looking distraught – unforgivable. And there’s a half a dozen of these moments.
We don’t exactly dwell on the tragedy… like I said it is surprisingly pacy… but equally the drama doesn’t really have room to marinate. It is there to suggest a maturing of the franchise, a graduation into adult intelligent, almost human cinema. Yet what I really want is a set pieces that never comes… the megadeath MacGuffin is actually ripe to ramp up the peril and yet the Hitchcockian moment when Bond or Swann (or another shock character whom I shan’t spoil) need to achieve something yet cannot touch never comes. Imagine the fun a Spielberg or a Cameron or a De Palma or a Nolan or a Fincher or a Mission: Impossible or a Boyle would have with that under-utilised wrinkle in the dynamics.
So it doesn’t deliver three hours worth of what I want from a Bond entry (quips, extravagant violence, stunts, sex) it still is a very polished, well made film. Maybe a little overly muted in its look, even the credit sequence is a bit… grey and beige. The returning cast aren’t really given enough to do… and if you could hack quarter of an hour out it’d be their Embankment office sequences. Does James need to say hello to Tanner? Lashana Lynch as the inheritor of the 007 mantle makes for a striking figure but is left way too often on the sidelines in the big island lair finale. Ana De Armas steals the show as a “rookie” CIA agent in an utterly gorgeous evening dress during THAT Cuba mini mission – genuinely the best 12 minutes of Bond since Quantum’s plane dogfight.
Rami Malek might want to call his agent as the key villain. But then again that’s been an ongoing problem since QoS. Perfectly cast baddies given undercooked monologues, disfigurement make-up and not a lot else to do but wait until 007 gives them that muscle memory half hearted slap.
Obviously we are now looking at another reboot of the franchise. When the neatest moments in a Bond are the legacy Easter eggs (a Safari suit here and painting of M & M there…) maybe it is time to switch the series on and off again. Please keep Fiennes, Whishaw and Harris but abandon all this secret character backstory gubbins. Let the villains go big again… and if they can be jokey yet threatening then so can the movies. Pretty please.
6
My Top 10 Bond Lists
Action Sequences
1. Arms Fair – Tomorrow Never Dies 2. Alpine Escape – On Her Majesty’s Secret Service 3. Cello case toboggan – The Living Daylights 4. Rooftop Brawl – You Only Live Twice 5. Ski Pursuit to Union Flag Base Jump – The Spy Who Loved Me 6. “The first thing you should know about us is… we have people everywhere.” – Quantum of Solace 7. Scaramanga’s Lair – The Man With Golden Gun 8. Handcuffed bike chase – Tomorrow Never Dies 9. Cargo-net tussle – The Living Daylights 10. Rope knot torture – Casino Royale
Villain
1. Francisco Scaramanga – The Man With the Golden Gun 2. Xenia Onatopp – Goldeneye 3. Wint and Kidd – Diamonds Are Forever 4. Mayday – A View To a Kill 5. Red Grant – From Russia With Love 6. Oddjob – Goldfinger 7. Jaws – The Spy Who Loved Me / Moonraker 8. Mr White – Casino Royale / Quantum of Solace / Spectre 9. Franz Sanchez – Licence To Kill 10. Baron Samedi – Live and Let Die
Girl
1. Vesper Lynd – Eva Green – Casino Royale 2. Tracy Bond – Diana Rigg – On Her Majesty’s Secret Servive 3. Wai Lin – Michelle Yeoh – Tomorrow Never Dies 4. Tatiana Romanova – Daniela Bianchi – From Russia With Love 5. Pussy Galore – Honor Blackman – Goldfinger 6. Tilly Masterson – Tania Mallet – Goldfinger 7. Paris Carver – Teri Hatcher – Tomorrow Never Dies 8. Solitaire – Jane Seymour – Live and Let Die 9. Anya Amasova, Agent XXX – Barbara Bach – The Spy Who Loved Me 10. Miranda Frost – Rosamund Pike – Die Another Day
Theme Song
1. You Know My Name – Chris Cornell 2. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (Main Theme) – John Barry 3. Nobody Does It Better – Carly Simon 4. We Have All The Time in the World – Louis Armstrong 5. The Man With the Golden Gun – Lulu 6. Another Day to Die – Jack White & Alicia Keys 7. James Bond Theme – John Barry 8. The Living Daylights – A-ha 9. A View To a Kill – Duran Duran 10. Live and Let Die – Wings
Cold Blooded Zingers
1. “No Mr Bond, I expect you to die!” – Goldfinger 2. “I think he’s attempting re-entry, sir.” – Moonraker 3. “The Job’s Done and the bitch is dead.” – Casino Royale 4. “You’ve always been a cunning linguist.” – Tomorrow Never Dies 5. “You’ve Had Your Six!” – Dr No 6. “Keeping the British end up, sir.” – The Spy Who Loved Me 7. “Shocking, Truly Shocking” – Goldfinger 8. “Well, at least he died happy.” – The Man With the Golden Gun 9. “Well, that depends on your definition of safe sex.” – Goldeneye 10. “I just showed someone your watch. And it blew his mind.” – No Time To Die
Gadgets
1. Jet pack – Thunderball 2. Submersible Lotus Esprit – The Spy Who Loved Me 3. Multipurpose Brief Case – From Russia With Love 4. The Golden Gun – The Man With the Golden Gun 5. Pen Grenade – Goldeneye 6. Poisoned Knife Shoes – From Russia With Love 7. The Aston Martin DB5 – Goldfinger 8. Anya’s Cigarette – The Spy Who Loved Me 9. Laser Watch – GoldenEye (Never Say Never Again) 10. Bagpipe Flamethrower – The World Is Not Enough
Bobby Carroll's Movie Diary 