Mario Bava directs Daliah Lavi, Christopher Lee and Jacques Herlin in this gothic chiller from Italy.

A sadistic nobleman’s ghost goes on an BDSM rampage, and possibly kills a few others too, in a big stone castle. Didn’t follow the whodunnit story but it looks lovely. I like the sickly, garish kaleidoscope of primary colours Bava bathes his chesty beauties in. Is that enough for me to fall head first for this auteur? It hasn’t happened yet. Hints of Edgar Allen Poe and too much wandering down the same staircase.

5

Perfect Double Bill: Black Sabbath (1963)

Michelle Garza Cervera directs Maika Monroe, Mary Elizabeth Winstead and Raúl Castillo in this remake of the yuppie in peril / nanny from hell Nineties mainstay.

Monroe Vs Winstead. Take my money. And Winstead just about wins in the diva off. She absolutely falls apart. Two of my 21st century faves take on this childhood relic. Exactly the right sort of material to rehash. The 90s potboiler was no big shakes. It almost made Rebecca DeMornay an A-lister and still fills a Saturday night in an undemanding way for Gen X-ers. This version is probably on a par. It is less transgressive but overtly sexier and mysterious. Though the third act revelations do suggest that we might have been rooting for the wrong bisexual scream queen after all. “That woman deserves her revenge.”- Budd, Kill Bill Ends on a whimper. You can’t help but worry that MEW’s blank of a husband never once take her side. What a dick! Though she did refuse to buy his pasta sauce for him at the farmer’s market so maybe revenge is a healthier dish best served cold? Slick… slicker but not an actual improvement.

5

Perfect Double Bill: The Hand That Rocks the Cradle (1992)

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Joe Lynch directs Heather Graham, Barbara Crampton and Judah Lewis in this Lovecraftian horror where a psychiatrist becomes obsessed with one of her young patients, who she later discovers is linked to an ancient curse.

Body swap horniness. A strange brew that mixes Stuart Gordon’s Eighties aesthetic (morgues, necronomicons) with a Nineties erotic thriller (staid mental health professionals growing obsessed with their hot young clients). There are even a couple Hitchcockian tumbles from a great height. This doesn’t have the best reputation online due to an indie cheapness but I actually really got into it. Not all the cast are as good as Graham and Crampton but those two legends go all in. And look great while doing it.

7

Perfect Double Bill: Mayhem (2017)

Kevin S. Tenney directs Amelia Kinkade, Cathy Podewell and Linnea Quigley in this horror where teens takeover a deserted mansion for a Halloween party and… eventually… are possessed by hellspawn.

One I was too scared to borrow from my local VHS rental shop. Takes FOREVER for the horror to start and meanwhile you are trapped with some very annoying stereotypes. And when the demonic stuff does kick off it is mainly running up and down the same corridor for twenty minutes. Good FX for the era and the two female demons are giving it everything.,

4

Perfect Double Bill: Night Of The Demons II (1994)

Roy Andersson directs Lars Nordh, Stefan Larsson and Bengt C.W. Carlsson in this Swedish art house darling.

Eerie beard scratcher. The first joyless sketch carousel of drab apocalyptic mundanity.

5

Perfect Double Bill: About Endlessness (2019)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/ and my own Substack https://substack.com/@edinburghlaughterbulletin

Doug Liman directs Jake Gyllenhaal, Conor McGregor and Daniela Melchior in this remake of the “shitkicker bar gets cleaned up by a zen bouncer” trash classic.

The story is the same, the attitude is all different. Very little “de-escalation”. Gyllenhaal might be ripped but he is miscast… he comes across like Ferris Bueller on steroids rather than a man who can handle himself. That is creepy. The fights contain too many CGI stunts, the plot overly laborious. It is almost unwatchable digital-shit until Conor McGregor turns up butt first. He can’t act… he almost aggressively can’t act… and that proves utterly compelling. Road Hash becomes very enjoyable in the second half for all the wrong reasons. People will write dissertations about this one in the future.

6

Perfect Double Bill: The Accountant 2 (2025)

William Wyler directs Bette Davis, Herbert Marshall and James Stephenson in this courtroom drama where a rubber plantation manager’s wife kills a man in cold blood on her doorstep.

Sultry, steamy orientalism. Then Bette steps out her front door and unloads a whole revolver into some faceless guy. We are only two minutes in. Butter wouldn’t melt once the gun cools down. Her defence is good, until it isn’t… and then the drama begins. Almost gothic opera for the final sequence. Gorgeous looking old classic.

8

Perfect Double Bill: Mr. Skeffinton (1944)

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Toyoo Ashida directs Kaneto Shiozawa, Michie Tomizawa and Seizō Katō in this Japanese anime where a half vampire hunts the demonic count who has bitten a local beauty.

Super simple. Which is what I want from a hand drawn cartoon with titties, gore and monstrosities. I want it to feel like a Saturday morning kids cartoon but… y’know… for adults. This horror western is neat mixture of Leone and Stan Winston. Very entertaining, the right shade of illicit.

8

Perfect Double Bill: Urotsukidōji: Legend of the Overfiend (1987)

Ridley Scott directs Matt Damon, Jeff Daniels and Kristen Wiig in this sci-fi adventure about a stranded astronaut who has to survive Mars with limited life support while NASA mounts an unplanned rescue mission.

“I’m gonna science this shit outta this.” Only a decade old and they genuinely don’t make them like this anymore. A classy ensemble wittily negotiating the impossible around a charismatic and bubbly turn from Matt Damon’s smart alec Robinson Crusoe. This is a problem solving movie. And a good format for how we should all live our lives. Prioritise one emergency at a time until the solutions cascade into each other. Very few modern blockbusters celebrate decency and intelligence like this. And because Ridders was the gun-for-hire, it looks the utter tits. Massive uninhabitable alien expanses, A-listers looking glamorous (unless in peril) and sheen-y shiny believable tech. It is constantly entertaining over 150 minutes and leaves you with a series of massive smiles on your big dumb stupid face.

10

Perfect Double Bill: Ad Astra (2019)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/ and my own Substack https://substack.com/@edinburghlaughterbulletin

Scott Derrickson directs Mason Thames, Ethan Hawke and Madeleine McGraw in this horror sequel where, 4 years later, the survivors are still haunted by The Grabber and his victims.

Everyone is back for chilly revelations rather than unrelenting terror. There is atmospheric menace rather than threat. Would it have hurt to introduce a jock and cheerleader just to dispose of in 1982?

5

Perfect Double Bill: Sinister 2 (2015)