Ridley Scott directs Matt Damon, Jeff Daniels and Kristen Wiig in this sci-fi adventure about a stranded astronaut who has to survive Mars with limited life support while NASA mounts an unplanned rescue mission.

“I’m gonna science this shit outta this.” Only a decade old and they genuinely don’t make them like this anymore. A classy ensemble wittily negotiating the impossible around a charismatic and bubbly turn from Matt Damon’s smart alec Robinson Crusoe. This is a problem solving movie. And a good format for how we should all live our lives. Prioritise one emergency at a time until the solutions cascade into each other. Very few modern blockbusters celebrate decency and intelligence like this. And because Ridders was the gun-for-hire, it looks the utter tits. Massive uninhabitable alien expanses, A-listers looking glamorous (unless in peril) and sheen-y shiny believable tech. It is constantly entertaining over 150 minutes and leaves you with a series of massive smiles on your big dumb stupid face.

10

Perfect Double Bill: Ad Astra (2019)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/ and my own Substack https://substack.com/@edinburghlaughterbulletin

Scott Derrickson directs Mason Thames, Ethan Hawke and Madeleine McGraw in this horror sequel where, 4 years later, the survivors are still haunted by The Grabber and his victims.

Everyone is back for chilly revelations rather than unrelenting terror. There is atmospheric menace rather than threat. Would it have hurt to introduce a jock and cheerleader just to dispose of in 1982?

5

Perfect Double Bill: Sinister 2 (2015)

Phil Tippett directs Alex Cox, Niketa Roman and Satish Ratakonda in this stop motion dystopian vision where The Assassin travels through a nightmare underworld of tortured souls.

30 years in the making. A labour of love that roped in film and animation students to work on weekends and summer vacations. Not a moment of relent. This is so bleak, so unnerving and so nasty that you’ll never want to watch it again. As a one off experience it is powerful, if often purposefully slow. Tippet really makes you marinate in the futility of insect politics. Annihilation art.

7

Perfect Double Bill: The Secret Adventures of Tom Thumb (1993)

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Peter Sasdy directs Ian Bannen, Judy Geeson and John Paul in this British chiller where an environmental scientist investigates spills at an unusually unwelcoming island community.

Now this IS like The Wicker Man… only with dumped chemicals replacing the songs, sexual repression, Christopher Lee and the pagan sacrifices. So really, really boring then. Humourless. Horror-less! At one critical point, the mutated surround the protagonists and then just start crying and having a bit of a moan. Surely, I can’t have waited through 80 minutes of dry environmentalist messaging and humdrum investigation for that to be the big finale. Very poor. Here’s the thing about Doomwatch. It had an eye catching hand drawn poster back in the day. Promising a lot more than it delivered. That’s the only reason why you can buy it for £15 quid at Fopp as a limited edition blu ray. It looks cool on a shelf as physical media. Awesome movies like The 36th Chamber Of Shaolin, The Silent Partner, Air and all the older Ghibli animations are currently unavailable on disc in the UK for fucks sake!?

3

Perfect Double Bill: X – The Unknown (1956)

Michael Reeves directs Vincent Price, Ian Ogilvy and Hilary Dwyer in this true tale of a genocidal witchfinder exploiting the hysteria of the English Civil Wars for his own wicked gains.

This is often mentioned in the same breath as The Wicker Man which I feel is a little unfair. I guess they match each other in genre smashing ambition but this is a beast with its own bloody heart. On location production values that outstrip Hammer or Amicus, transgressive violence that matches Straw Dogs or The Wild Bunch and a chilling lead turn from Vincent Price. Reeves and Price did not get along, Price was told to tone down his hammier instincts, hated being bossed by a young director and turned out his finest piece of acting. The historical basis grounds the action but also makes it a bit of a romp with horse chases and flintlock shootouts between the sexual torture and mob mentality. Evil in all the best ways. This one gets better and better with every rewatch.

9

Perfect Double Bill: The Blood On Satan’s Claw (1971)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/ and my own Substack https://substack.com/@edinburghlaughterbulletin

Emilie Blichfeldt directs Lea Myren, Thea Sofie Loch Næss and Ane Dahl Torp in this Danish body horror reimagining of the Cinderella fairytale told from a stepsister’s P.O.V..

A goofy innocent puts her body through hell trying to be the belle of the ball while facing stiff competition from a grieving Cinderella. Visually this is very exciting, it is horny as fuck and the acting is pleasingly energised. Expect to see Lea Myren in more. The poster promised a bit more hacking and slashing but what is actually delivered is a more period answer song to The Substance peppered with demented moments of excess. If it were a little more tightly plotted I would have fallen for it head over heels.

7

Perfect Double Bill: Snow White: A Tale of Terror (1997)

Federico Fellini directs Anthony Quinn, Giulietta Masina and Richard Basehart in this Italian road movie where a care-free girl is sold to a traveling entertainer, consequently enduring physical and emotional pain along the way.

Life is shit. An innocent trapped in sadness. Not a pleasant rewatch but I appreciated the performances and craft a lot more than when it bored and bummed me out at the cinema years ago.

7

Perfect Double Bill: Nights of Cabiria (1957)

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Satoshi Kon directs Junko Iwao, Rica Matsumoto and Shinpachi Tsuji in this anime where a pop star who tries to reinvent herself as an actress only to be stalked by her old bubblegum persona.

A descent into madness with much reality bending trickery. Part meta, part nightmare. All fame monster. The scariest part of this film isn’t the gore, psychosexual violence or paranoid mindfuck but how precarious, sad and mundane Mima’s existence is away from her fickle fans and a predatory industry. Fantastic hand drawn animation and catchy music.

8

Perfect Double Bill: Paprika (2006)

Joe Dante directs Tom Hanks, Bruce Dern and Carrie Fisher in this dark comedy about a group of neighbours who become obsessed with the mysterious weirdos who have just moved into the cul-de-sac.

This one never hooked me as a kid. It is well made but not quite as funny or as scary as I needed it to be. These days Rick Ducommun’s constant irritating presence really grates with me. Shame as The ‘Burbs is Dante and Hanks so should be exactly my thing. I’m giving it a generous pass as it really has all the key ingredients to be one of my favourites even though I have given it a fair few chances.

6

Perfect Double Bill: Matinee (1993)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/ and my own Substack https://substack.com/@edinburghlaughterbulletin

Matthew Bright directs Reese Witherspoon, Kiefer Sutherland and Brooke Shields in this US indie that warps the fairy tale “Little Red Riding Hood” into a Jerry Springer / National Enquirer odyssey.

Scrappy and deranged. This was the first movie I noticed Reese Witherspoon in and she is the anti-Tracy Flick here. It is a really high energy, ballsy lead turn. I kinda wish she still seeked out material with this level of edge. Kiefer is equally good as the big bad wolf. A Ted Bundy inspired monster who grows more grotesque with every appearance. Small portion though. It ain’t a perfect movie. Some of the best moments are in the girl’s reformatory which is a detour from the main hook. But it has a DTV rebel energy that recalls Corman and Meyers without the leering male gaze. This goes for troubling over salacious and is all the better for it.

7

Perfect Double Bill: Freeway 2: Confessions Of A Trick Baby (1999)