John McTiernan directs Arnold Schwarzenegger, Austin O’Brien and Charles Dance in this action comedy spoof where a young Arnie fan is magically transported into the screen and has to survive an OTT action blockbuster.

My generation’s most infamous mega budgeted folly. Riding the wave of T2, Arnie cashed in all his popularity to send up his own brand. What these days is seen as $85 million of bubblegum subversive wit was written off as mindless hubris back in 1993. People had an axe to grind about Arnold’s immigrant success, hated the original studio head (Mark Canton) who greenlit the “disaster” and gave zero shits about meta movies until Scream came along. Hobbled the same way Hudson Hawk was, Last Action Hero’s brazen confidence, cartoon-ish palette and messy ambition meant it could be executed with extreme prejudice by the critics, the pundits and just about everyone but 13 year old little Bobby Carroll. It was knowingly silly and that gave all who wanted a weak spot to attack the opportunity.

I remember the self contained teaser trailer appearing a year before release. Arnie getting distracted from being heroic. Turning to the camera, breaking the fourth wall, chiding us “Sorry. Not yet. Come back later.” We were warned that LSA was going to be the big ticket of 1993. And, who know, it might have been if it weren’t for Jurassic Park. Arnie’s movie set it’s release date first. Spielberg’s movie decided to open the week before anyway. This was less common in the Nineties. Tentpole releases respectfully gave each other space to not cannibalise shared audience.

The dinosaur classic had true four quadrant mass appeal. While LSA seemed to have a child lead but was too violent for families. It wasn’t hardcore like T2 or Total Recall, it wasn’t PG high concept like Twins or Kindergarten Cop. Who was it for? Arnie and Columbia didn’t blink, they stuck to their ill advised July date. Even though the film was still being found in the edit even up to the final week, had tested poorly in an unfinished state, had been advertised without Arnie holding a gun due to his new sensitivities and already had a bit of a joke reputation in the trade newspapers. Arnie’s response? He posed for a press shot of him laughing at a rubber dinosaur. The gamble didn’t pay off – financially. The profits got devoured by velociraptors.

Now remember, I was just as massive a Schwarzenegger fan back then as I am now. He can do no wrong as far as I’m concerned. I went to see Jurassic Park, I liked Jurassic Park, Jurassic Park is the more violent SFX rollercoaster ride but the Last Action Hero was the movie I was most excited about that summer. This was very much my action nerd Blur V Oasis or Coke V Pepsi. I was nowhere near 15 years old and I made sure my parents snuck me in to the ABC Ealing Broadway on opening weekend. And I begrudged Jurassic Park’s it complete domination over Last Action Hero for years after. It was the better film… that did not matter. It had hurt my Arnie and it could go fuck itself. Jack Slater IV all the way. For life! ‘Til the wheels come off. (For balance, The Fugitive is a superior A-List thrill ride to both ‘93 releases…)

Obviously I can see LSA isn’t perfect. It pummels you with cameos until they are deadening. The big joke around cliches that engine the film is similarly run into the ground by a good twenty minutes of excess. The takedown’s of its genre are way too out of reality. Are there really movie villains like The Ripper in Lethal Weapon or Rambo? No. Should an entire action sequence centre around a farting corpse? Not unless the rest of the movie is bulletproof. Just because you are lampooning dumb one liners doesn’t mean they shouldn’t work. And while not exactly a negative, it does become a very self reflective, sad movie in the second half. Deeper than a movie with an animated cat cop and death by ice cream cone should probably ever try to be. And then it ends abruptly with neither the stakes raised or the emotional baggage packed away neatly.

Yet the positives outweigh the flaws. The hard rock soundtrack pumps. The mouthy teen and sentient killing machine dynamic often matches T2 in terms of humour, chemistry and warmth. It is clearly made by people who love both Arnie, his fanbase and this brand. The Hamlet sequence is an all timer. The real world New York is gritty and threatening. Charles Dance is a truly devious villain. And Arnie is very game and charming, even when selling the exact same joke for the hundredth time.

Time has been kind to the Last Action Hero and it is nice to know it isn’t just pigheaded nostalgia that motors my love of it. It kills and fills a Sunday evening like nothing else. “It’s a beautiful day and we’re out killing drug dealers. Are there any in the house?”

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Perfect Double Bill: Jurassic Park (1993)