Michael Bay directs Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler in this sci-fi disaster blockbuster where an asteroid threatens to obliterates humanity and only a team of roughneck oil drillers can save the planet.

July of 1998. Aerosmith on permanent rotation on the radio. Two asteroid movies entering the planet’s gravitational pull. Armageddon wins. The Bruckheimer formula taken to the max. Editing that’d make Tony Scott close his eyes. Retina dazzling colours often erupt through deep blacks. It ain’t a smart film but it is shamelessly entertaining. Quirky casting à la Con Air… the same amount of cheese, heart and script doctored wit. I remember holding a summer girlfriend’s hand tightly when Affleck sang his goodbyes to Liv Tyler, I remember a tear in my eye during the big emotional John Wayne heroic sacrifice. The stuff in space ain’t as involving as the breezy set-up but in general this fills the big screen and an evening in a way that even Nolan or Miller might be overwhelmed by. A pop bubblegum epic. Dumb but epic.

Michael Bay directs Ben Affleck, Kate Beckinsale and Josh Hartnett in this war movie bolting on a love triangle romance to the WWII “day that will live in infamy.”

So with Bad Boys, The Rock and Armageddon all delivering muscular one-watcher satisfaction, Bay was dangerously close to stealing Speilberg’s throne as the king of the blockbusters. Sure, his work was blunter and less ambitious. Yet it had less pretensions and the craft felt cutting edge. Youthful. So a WWII Titanic-tinged period piece seemed like an overreach. Cameron can pull this shit off. The ‘fuck the frame’ guy… less so. The middle hour where Pearl Harbour gets obliterated is spectacular. Bay knows how to light and dress Beckinsale so she looks every inch a classic era movie star. The romance though is a duffer with Hartnett feeling like meat in the room. And the historical drama sees big actors (Baldwin, Voight, Mako) stifled by museum dusty characterisations. I’m pretty easy going about inaccuracy and artistic licence but this does feel in bad taste… and boring.

7/4

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/